I consider myself to be a rather non-judgemental person. Live and let live is my motto. Sometimes others feel one is judging them if the other person does not keep to their standards.
A friend of mine is lax on kashrus. She did not grow up frum so kashrus is a challenge for her. I would never say anything one way or the other to her. She would not listen to me if I would . The worst part is that she is always mentioning what she eats "out" and verbalizes her rationalizations. I usually listen and shrug and that she should do what she feels comfortable doing. It always seems she is looking for my approval. She wants me to tell her what she is doing is on the level .I think that she is a big girl and can make her own choices but I can't tell her that her laxness is above board because I don't think that it is. Her guilt causes her to seek my approval . Usually I don't have this discussion with my non- observant friends. They eat how they want and I eat how I want and we never discuss it,
A friend of mine is lax on kashrus. She did not grow up frum so kashrus is a challenge for her. I would never say anything one way or the other to her. She would not listen to me if I would . The worst part is that she is always mentioning what she eats "out" and verbalizes her rationalizations. I usually listen and shrug and that she should do what she feels comfortable doing. It always seems she is looking for my approval. She wants me to tell her what she is doing is on the level .I think that she is a big girl and can make her own choices but I can't tell her that her laxness is above board because I don't think that it is. Her guilt causes her to seek my approval . Usually I don't have this discussion with my non- observant friends. They eat how they want and I eat how I want and we never discuss it,
4 comments:
I once had a guy explain to me that during Pesach he avoids bread but not pasta because the thought of living without spaghetti for 8 days was intolerable.
There is a difference between acceptance and tolerance. Tolerance is "you do your thing, I'll do my", acceptance is "I think what you're doing is okay".
Tolerance should be enough but people often want acceptance instead. That violates your independence. Your friend can eat out all she wants. Not your problem. It's between her and God. But for her to want you to say "And you're okay with that" is wrong. It means she's demanding that you change your standards so she doesn't have to change hers.
Simpler to say "Look, it's between your and God, okay?"
Have an easy fast, m'dear.
thats true. have an easy fast
True, a confident, secure person would not care about your opinion.
Well then when it comes to you and me, tesyaa, you're definitely a confident and secure person. 8-)
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