Holy Stories

         As a kid I remember hearing a story in school about how one married woman was so pious that she never uncovered her hair. The four walls of her home never saw her hair. There also was a rav who did not marry because he felt his love for Hashem was so great that he could not love  a woman as much as he loved Hashem. There were also some rabbis who had very little sleep because they were so immersed in Torah study. Rabbi Akiva's wife spent many years alone while her husband was in yeshiva. I always thought that these stories were to be inspiring but they all seemed so superhuman that I did not think that anyone was expected to emulated them. Sometimes I feel some of the chumrahs that have been imposed are unrealistic. Its like someone has listened to these stories that are meant to inspire and they made them requirements. Not everyone is capable of such stringency. One can still be frum without being superhuman. Keeping the 613 mitzvos keeps us busy enough.

why be jewish?

     When I was a kid I remember learning about a woman who was so modest that when she was about to be tortured that she pinned her skirt to her body so she would not be immodest.  At the time I remember being impressed but I did not think that this was something we should actually do, but that it was cool that she did. I am just waiting for some nut to decide that they want to take on that chumrah. Some nut into s&m of course. The world is so upside down now one does not know what to expect.

     Sometimes when I hear the chumrah of the month or the internet asifa  I feel that some people who call themselves ultra-frum are trying to turn Torah Judaism into the equivalent of some bible belt group that tells everyone not to see a doctor or take medicine but if one of their leaders are ill they would. I suppose other people's zealotry should not bother me, but it does. 

      A few years ago there was a television mini-series about Jews and Judaism. I confess that I did not watch most of it, but the one message that I did hear was that now that for those of us who are living in the United States we have to find a way to be observant because we want to be and  not because we are being forced to be separate . This is an ideology  that I grew up with in the midwest that I think has bypassed brooklyn and much of the tri-state area. So often I her goyim this and goyim that and if you do this its goyish etc. Well in certain neighborhoods I would agree with you. The goyim there don't have such great values. Some other goyim that I have met are very lovely upstanding individuals. When one lives in a neighborhood filled with upstanding goyim its not valid to say that we should be frum to be different than the "awful" goyim. Would it not be best to say that we should be frum because its the right way for us as Jews to be?

hechsherim

the newly proposed charedi hechsherim on women's clothing in israel is beyond me. i feel like the chumrahs that have been imposed lately have turned frum life into a tragic comedy. tragic for those who might try to adhere to these chumrahs and comedy for those of us who sit on the sidelines.
there are laws of modesty in judaism. if there are actual hechsherim on clothing this means that frum women can only shop in certain clothing stores that carry clothing with hechsherim. a savvy move for clothing store owners, not so nice for the rest of us.
what i want know is what will be included in this hechsher. i don't think that a sleeveless vest could be included in the hechsher. if it  was then women may think that they can wear this sleeveless vest alone. a short sleeved t shirt would not be kosher because someone might think that this could be worn alone. only long sleeved shirts or dresses could be included in this hechsher to avoid confusion.
putting a hechsher on clothing is kind of like forcing people to recycle. we know we should be worried about these issues and the government  or local businesses would like to profit from our lack of conscientiousness.
modesty is important, but i think that the rabbis who have conceived this folly would be better serving the jewish community if they were thinking of less ways to scam other jews and more time thinking of how to encourage jews to employ more kosher business practises. if not we will all be in trouble

the new metrosexual

a few years ago the news was peppered with articles about how men are now starting to care about their looks much like women. oh and these men are not gay either. well this shabbos i came across a new phenomenon or at least a new phenomenon to me. apparently yeshivish teenage boys are just as interested in dressing in designer duds as yeshivish teenage girls. this came as a total shock to me. i understand why a charedi girl would be interested in fashion. after all thats one of the few kosher interests she can cultivate. the average bais yaakov graduate can don makeup better than an elite model and is always decked out in the latest  tzanuah fashions.then again, they are girls and girls usually are concerned about clothing and dressing fashionably. now the boys want to get into the picture. are sports now being frowned upon by the yeshivas? is it that young yeshivah boys have no other outlet left other  than the choice of what brand of white shirt he should be wearing? is the reason they  over focus on their wardrobe because the do need to actually get dressed? otherwise  they should only be focusing on torah subjects.
im  all for yeshivah boys showering and being concerned over their appearances. it just scares me when any male is as gung-ho about fashion as a woman.of all issues for men and women to be equally interested , fashion should not be one of them.. this of course is only my opinion.

modesty

years ago when brittany spears was breaking out of her "good girl" mode (i know its hard to remember) a co-worker of mine who had a daughter who was a brittany groupie and was very upset about brittany's more risque music videos. at that point her daughter was not to watch any more brittany spears videos.

another day, this same co-worker was outraged with the styles for children's clothing that were around. they were selling too many provocative styles for little girls.

during the low slung jeans and skirt phase many non-jewish co-workers of mine complained. who wants to wear something that shows your stomach when you have a big stomach? or in during the frigid weather of winter, how are these styles practical?

ive seen well-heeled rich ladies with daughters wearing jeans with their underwear showing and i wasnt the only one passing them on the street appalled.

if you knew me in real life you would know that i only wear skirts or dresses and do not go mixed swimming, but im not the poster girl for the tznius police either.

i believe that there is a concept of modesty, for society in general.

i think that bais yaakov must give a course on makeup application that i missed out on in the modern orthodox schools i attended. (im not sure how this fits in with this post, but ive been dying to rant about this , so im including it here)

modesty is more than long sleeves and long skirts. its about not being flashy or too sexy in personality and style of dress.
one doesnt have to be dowdy to be modest. example: katie couric: modest, paris hilton:immodest, princess diana: modest ,sara fergeson:modest, pamela anderson: immodest, madonna: immodest.
people choose to harp on tzniut in clothing because its easier to focus on than perfecting the actual midah of modesty. giving tzedakah without fanfare or holding a position of kavod without being haughty are much tougher than not wearing bluejeans. i aspire to reach the truest level of tzniut..... someday.

who is a jew?

the age old question , who is a jew? well, i would like to add another one of my own. who is a frummie? well, as in the frumster religion categories, its all subjective.
i grew up outside of new york where anyone who was shomer shabbat and kept kosher was called frum . and to be frum where i grew up it was alot harder than those who are frum in the new york area. there were alot less frum people where i grew up. and guess what , the yeshivish people had to mix with the modern orthodox people because the community was that small.
truth is, new york has alot of outside influences that a smaller city does not have. hence all of the ny shtick, chumras of the months etc. people seem to feel they have to get involved in these because they think it helps them stay frum.
even though people in the new york area are more outwardly frum than i was growing up, i probably led a much more sheltered life. there were no madison avenue billboards with un-tzinius photos where i grew up. there werent any billboards period. no one took public transportation where i grew up and there was no "street life".
i think that the people here go overboard with leaning to the right because they are afraid . i believe everyone should be whatever degree of frumkeit they prefer. and no i dont believe that we all have to be cut from the same cookie cutter mold.
i think that alot of the yeshiva rebels and orthoprax people in the new york area probably would not be frum if they lived out of town, but there would be alot less fanfare made of it.
some who are orthodox, dont want to say that they are frum because they feel it has certain connotations that they dont like.
to me, the original definition of frum from my childhood still holds true.

sheitle shenanigans.

being single i never had reason to pay any attention to sheitle stores. all of the excitment over the coney island sheitle store down the block from chaim berlin has actually made me have an interest . of course not an interest in sheitle stores so ill be able to know what the bargains are once i get married. my interest in sheitle stores as of late is a product of missing sixth grade games of boys versus girls.



the alleged photos of women's heads wearing wigs has indeed been trumped. there are no more pictures of women's faces, but the picture that is now up is far worse. the picture is taken from the back of a woman wearing a long blond sheitle in a long-sleeved, long black dress. the photo to say the least really accentuates the woman's form....obviously the store owner is trying to rile people up. its too bad the owner has stooped to such stunts. she should have left her original headshots up .

from what it seems like to me is that those who banned the store should have left well enough alone and just have told the bachurim to stay on their side of the street. now that would have been good chinuch. the store window was quite tame to begin with. this sheitle store window should have been a non-issue.

i think that if the yeshiva was so concerned that the stores on the block may be objectionable, they should start buying all of the bldgs on the block when they become available. actually, the space that the sheitle store is in always has seemed to be changing ownership. the yeshiva lost its chance.

all of this "frumkiet " with the sheitle store is idiotic anyway. there wasnt anything wrong with the store window to begin with and why arent people more concerned with bayn adam l'chavero issues?

last of all, i didnt like the dynamics of petty sixth grade boys versus girls games when i was eleven ,and i certainly don't want to experience them when im biologically old enough to be the mother of a sixth grader.