for better or worse

do some people live charmed lives while others have bad luck? is life a challenge for everyone that no one escapes? i  think that some people have it easier than others . its not that everyone does not have their own difficulties, but some people have bigger tests than others do.
people always try to tell me that people who have managed to get married and have kids have it bad too whenever i feel bad about my lot in life. now come on, im not an idiot. happily  married life has its challenges as well as parenthood, but i wouldn't say that not having either is having a better life or an equally bad life.
what about people  who have horrible diseases? i don't think that's an easier life  than someone who is healthy and  single or healthy and married with children.
perhaps small challenges seem large to the weak, but a small misfortune is not equal to a large misfortune even if one might be able to handle it.
i reconcile the fact that some have easier lives than others to the fact that life is not fair and that we don't understand why some have easier lives than others. hashem has a reason why this happens, but we don't  know why.

prayers for a "crisis"

i have always loved the "blame the victim mentality" . you know, when someone is suffering and then someone justifies it by saying it must be their fault anyway. a shul burns down because well they just didn't daven with  enough kavanah there. a person doesn't have kids, well, they must not want any. a person is single, well they must not want to get married. granted, some or all of them may or may not be true, but consider another option. perhaps hashem would like to hear the prayers of those he loves. the avos and emahos did not all have easy going lives where everything they wanted just came to them. i always remember hearing that hashem made things not so simple for them because the prayers of tzadikkim are dear to him.
im not suggesting that everyone who is single is a tzadik, but perhaps its because hashem really wants to hear our prayers not just that he wants us to suffer or because we did everything wrong and poof we are single. there are too many singles out there for me to believe that . i believe that our prayers are dear to him.
we do have to make our effort to find a spouse, but i don't think that everything is in our hands . just because a person wants something so much and tries so hard to get it does it mean that that person will get that thing. this is where praying to a higher power ( hashem )  comes in.

challenges

i think everyone's mother has told them to just be oneself when dating and someone will love us for who we are. easier said than done. ever the crowd pleaser, its easy to figure out what someone else likes and try to be it. the problem is if what someone else wants in a prospective date isnt what one is and one tries to be this just to please the other. not good. its hard being honest and really being oneself. its hard to find out that when one is ones true self someone else may not like them. if things dont work out and one wasnt ones true self it doesnt really soften the blow anyway. not only has one been dumped, but one has been dumped for being someone one never was in the first place.
this is a maxim ive learned long ago, but i still find it a challenge. its hard if im rejected for being my true self, but its equally stinging to be rejected for pretending to be someone im not.
thankfully ive had several relationships with those who have gotten to know the true me so i know that its possible . i also have learned that though things may not have worked out the way i would have wanted them to i realized that my real self is likable. and its so much better to be honestly oneself . acceptance is so important. without it there is no relationship. if one isnt oneself in a relationship one cant be accepted by the other person .