Time

The world is so strange. A person is born into one era with parents,grandparents, siblings etc. And then time passes. Slowly grandparents pass on , neighbors pass on and the world slowly changes. The people who were once such large parts of our lives are no longer around and we are forced to live in a new reality a new world that some of our friends and family will never know and will never be a part of. Slowly the celebrities who had been so much of the culture age and others become the culture. Slowly the cultural icons pass on . New technologies emerge and one forgets that there was a way of life before these innovations. Sometimes when I think back to different times in my life and then for a moment I realize that not only are those times gone so are many people who were part of that memory. I could never go back to that time not just because time has past but also because those who were part of that memory have passed as well. As I get older it seems like there are fewer and fewer who remember the different worlds I have known throughout my life. Of course this is how life is. It is ever changing. Worlds are ending and worlds are emerging. Sometimes I wish time could slow down a bit so I can savor the good moments in life and spend more time with the people that I love. No one can stop the change of the worlds. All we can do is make the best of each world we get to participate in and know.

Time

   I always feel like time is slipping away. I finally realized that the best way to make time pass more slowly is to limit my computer use. Time passes much slower when I am not under the hypnotic lure of my computer

Online

     So many hours pass and I find myself glued to the computer . I never can believe how many hours pass. I am never bored but I always feel like I haven't accomplished much. Then again I usually haven't. I have been in the abyss that is called online.
        In NYC on line means one is standing in line. In computer speak online means on the Internet. I think the two meanings totally compliment each other. New Yorkers are so busy that they are online when they are online. Hah!
     Even if I wanted to I can't go back to the dark ages before Internet. There is no going back. I can reduce my usage though, even at the risk of experiencing boredom again.  I have a new cell phone that is not as app friendly so I am online less. This is really a good thing. I find myself reading more. Ok , I read on a kindle, but I still consider a kindle low tech because I have the black and white kindle that is really just for reading.
     Moments pass so quickly that any way I can slow things down makes me feel better. Even moments of boredom make life seem longer in a good way .
      There really is no way to stop change and time , but if we are lucky we can try to maximize the time we do have. Reducing time in the abyss of the  Internet will help. If  only I would heed my own advice.

In Sickness and in Health

     I recently visited an friend in the hospital. Its always difficult, but this time it was more challenging than usual. The friend that I visited has many health issues and one of them has made it so this friend will most likely never be able to live life normally again.. Visiting my friend and his wife in the hospital was quite interesting. There wasn't an aura of sadness in the room. I am not sure if my friend will  ever be able to leave the hospital. His wife was so upbeat. I think that these situations are so difficult because as much as it is sad that her husband is in the hospital, I suspect the wife realizes their time together even if it is in the hospital is precious.
      I pray that  my friend has a refuah shelemah and that he and his wife will be able to have a normal life again. Until then I am glad that they are able to have and appreciate the time that they are having together as long as it lasts. 

Sometimes Things Change

     I was searching facebook the other day for old college roommates and spotted a previously anorexic old roommate. It was fun to spy her double chins in the picture. She looks okay now but all that I could think of is how she had been so obsessed with weight loss when she was 18 and I wonder what her 18 year old self would think if she saw her older self. I think she would not like her older pudgier self even though her older , pudgier self looks a lot happier in her facebook photos than she had in old college pictures.
    I am humbled to say that it made me gleeful to see a smug formerly anorexic roommate heavier and slightly weathered.  At the same time I am happy to see that she did let go of her extreme diets and decided to live a little. She may look chunky now but she looks a lot happier than she had  all those years ago.
    When you lose touch with people in your mind you think that they have remained identical to the image you have of them from when you last thought of them. Its jarring to see them and realize time has really passed and that we all have aged a little , some more gracefully and graciously  than others. 

Giving

     Whenever I  find  something that I think would make a great gift for  a friend or a loved one I buy it. Who knows if the same item will be available when I might specifically be looking for a gift for them. Its always most difficult to find a gift for someone when one is under pressure.
      Lately I have been less likely to wait for designated  gift giving times and decide to just give the gift when I find it.Why wait? Life passes quicker than one expects. Why not make sure one makes the time to give  to those one cares about? 

Time Keeping

     I own several watches. Because I work full time and am on a tight schedule most of the time my left wrist sports a watch. I wear a watch not because I want to  but because I have to. These days its not quite as bad to forget to put my watch on since I own a cell phone which  has a clock .I should really stop wearing a watch on days I am not at work and just really on my cell phone clock.
     Whenever I wear a watch I feel obsessed with keeping track of time. On days I do not wear a watch I feel much more relaxed. I don't squander time but I am less fixated on the passage of time. Its important to be aware of time but not so much that one is not able to enjoy the moment. I often feel that sporting a watch makes it harder for me to enjoy the moment.

 

its the little things

what do you miss about a person when they are gone? i miss being able to ask their opinion . i miss having someone who knows me as well as they do. i miss going to the movies with them. i miss spending holidays with them. i miss their smile . i miss knowing that i have someone i can count on. no matter what.
i miss these things in those who i was close to who have moved away, drifted away or have passed away.
so many wonderful connections. so important to appreciate them in the moment, not just after they have passed.

time passages

when i was a kid and an older person would tell tales of his/her long ago childhood it would just seem so mythical. it was hard to imagine this senior citizen as a child  with parents and siblings. i must be getting old but now i can these tales come to life in my mind's eye when i hear the elderly speak of their long ago youth. perhaps its age or having experienced loss that helps me picture the past. i can close my eyes sometimes and i see my parents and siblings in our house as it was when i was ten years old. the weird part is that when i imagine it doesn' t even feel like long ago. but so much has changed. im not ten and  although my mother still lives in my childhood home, my father is no longer alive.
when my grandmother passed away the hardest part was realizing how the years will pass and it would be so long since i would have seen her. its been ten years now and it seems like just yesterday since i have heard her contagious laughter. i realize its been ten years but she is still with me in spirit. it hasn't been as long since my father has passed, but i imagine it will be the same.

one thing i have learned is to treasure the time one has with  loved ones. no one knows what the future will bring, but the present is ours to cherish.

everyone should say i love you

take a moment to appreciate those who are important to you in your life. tell them how you feel. don't let the moment pass . don't let it be too late,  sometimes it can be too late.

last minute people

im definitely not a last minute person. its not that im inflexible its just that i like a little bit of structure. i like being able to call up a friend one day of the week and make plans for a few days later. last minute people like to scan every event they could possibly attend and make sure they dont miss out on any possibility so they wait until the very last minute to decide upon plans. either that or they are very lazy. or both.

when things arent time bound its fine being last minute. one is apt to face alot of sold-out signs when one is last minute. if something is unimportant to me i dont mind. otherwise i do mind. alot of singles are last minute. this is why its possible to sign up for a shabbaton last minute.

i like being more of the planner type because i like being able to look forward to things. if one doesnt have any plans there are no plans to look forward to.

though not a last minute person myself i respect the fact that everyone has his/her way of doing things. just because im of the more responsible type i realize not everyone is as time savvy as i am.