Spin the Egg

     There are two events that if I wanted to I could attend almost every night of the week and they are shiva and singles events, not necessarily in that order. I am not sure why that is, but trust me it is. I am sure that there are gold diggers who pay shiva calls to find shidduchim. Shiva houses are full of lonely people . Death makes people want to strengthen interpersonal relationships because  one never knows just how long one has on this earth so its imperative to pair up as soon as you leave the mourners home.
    Singles events can sometimes make one feel as somber as a house full of mourners. They can certainly be depressing. Not unlike avelus. Singles events can definitely make one contemplate life and how one is afraid one may have to live life singularly , without a spouse because these singles events can make the possibility of finding a spouse seem so bleak.
     Singles events and shiva  go together like egg whites and yolk.

secret admirer

often the only guy willing to approach a woman at a singles event is the nerdy guy one doesn't want to go out with. even though said woman does not have any interest in said nerd, she still must give him credit for actually having the oomph to actually approach her.
i was talking to one of the "nerdier" types recently . i hate to label him as such. he really is a nice person even though i do not know anyone i would set him up with.  anyway, he was telling me how he is still interested in my friend, but she doesn't give him the time of day. the sad part is he was so sincere that i really felt bad. it wouldn't help for me to intervene on his behalf because i know that she would not appreciate him or even appreciate hearing about his sincere interest in her.  she would just think "oy why do only the nerds show interest in me?" so i  won't bother irritating her. too bad though. its always nice to have an admirer even if its not mutual .

age limits

when i was younger all of the singles events had age ranges that were never upheld. there was a crew of men 60-80 who were let in even when the age range was 28-38. i was at an event once with a friend who was 35 and she saw her friend's father there. obviously he was outside of the age limit. now certain groups are very strict about age ranges not even letting someone a year or two above the age range in.
i disagree with the groups that stagger the ages of men and women. whenever they do that i know that there will only be much older men there.
in theory i understand why the powers that be are strict about age ranges, but i also know for a fact that many who are way above the age range are let in if they know the people running the event. if i really wanted to i could push the envelope and get in, but some of the organizers of these events get really rude, so i don't bother.
i wouldn't have such a problem being closed out of an event if there were equivalent events with quality singles for my age range. there are not.
if i had true emunah i would be able to say that its just not meant to be that i go to some singles events but its hard to have emunah without just feeling like i've given up.
i think that there could be a happy medium when it comes to age limits at events. its not the person five years older that you don't want attending, its the person who is 10-20 years older that you want to filter out.
yet again, i am never the right age at the right time.

how not to impress me

after awhile attending singles functions can become pricey . some people try to circumvent this by becoming super schnorers who don't pay for events but stand outside the venue waiting to see who comes in or out. or better yet there are those who show up at the venue take a quick peek at who is in the event room and decide whether or not it is worth spending the money . if its not worth it they leave.
ok, so  i can understand those  who peek in before paying. i can't say that i have never tried that trick. then again those who do this actually do end up paying to get in if they decide that the crowd is "worthy" .
those i take issue with is those who stand outside and shamelessly stand around the front door of an event and don't actually pay especially when i have paid. if i can manage to afford to pay why can't they. if they can't afford to pay they are most certainly not for me.

timing is everything....

this is something that many of the females in the audience can relate to . you talk to a guy at a party for a long time . you think he's interested and then lo and behold he does not ask you for your number. so obviously you figure this guy isn't interested . of course he just might not be divorced yet , just bored and needed to look like he was talking to an actual woman or he is socially awkward and isn't able to step up and actually ask  you for your number. either way, you as a woman are out of luck . obviously the next time you see this romeo you aren't exactly going to be so enthused to engage him in extensive conversation.
on the rare occasion that a mr chatty  does decide to ask for my number after meeting and chatting me up at many singles functions i always wonder why its taken him so long . then again that's if im still interested. a socially awkward guy really shoots himself in the foot if he waits until a subsequent meeting to finally ask a girl out. what had once been interest has now turned into annoyance or indifference . so really he has made it even harder for himself to get a girl's number. seizing the moment can be fraught with much anxiety. not seizing the moment can be even worse....

when does it happen?

i often look at the undesirable males at singles events and i wonder how it is they turned out this way. i mean really, you look at babies. babies are so cute. when did that change occur? when and how did that adorable infant turn into that annoying clod im trying so hard to escape at a singles event?
sometimes there is a rage that builds up in a guy and makes him turn into that guy everyone runs from. it is also quite sad . if this rage hadn't compounded so much he might have remained normal.
on occasion i can identify emergence of the clod gene. some guys start to get it in their mid-thirties. its scary because you see it coming but there is nothing you can do about it. you see that rage building up within him coupled with rejection and you just know its coming. too many girls have done him wrong he says. probably he straddles the edge between cool and nerdy . he's just cool enough that the rejection of the cool girls really gets to him. this is his downfall. by the time he turns forty it is all over. he's not just a super geek he's a loser. he's mad at the world, especially at women. and now he's at the point of no return. the creepdom has taken over any sign of coolness he had ever had and he is now a bonafide loser .
im not sure that this is the reason some shadchanim think that some guys really need to get married, but if you ask me it is. if these guys would get married before the rage overtakes them they would not be the losers i encounter at singles events.