the wind

every so often i meet a guy who is as tangible as the wind. he touches my heart with the power of the wind and is just  as difficult to hold onto. let me explain. some guys act like they are here to stay but really aren't. just when i start thinking they will really be there for me they aren't. just like the wind. they think they might want to be with me but really they want to leave me with a chill. they can't be the one because their feelings about me are just as fleeting as the summer breeze. you feel the breeze but you cant touch it. i try not to let the wind fool me, but sometimes its hard not to want to believe that the  smarting tears the wind emotes from my eyes are for someone more visible than kramer's invisible glass coffee table.
i like cold weather, but i have never liked the wind.

its a lonely world out there....

i was in the elevator in my apartment building this morning and i had a light bulb went off. not literally but figuratively. i wasn't alone in the elevator. my co-elevator riders were a mother and her two children. the little girl was crying and screaming. the mother was trying to calm her down. the little boy who was about two was smiling at me as if nothing else was going on in the elevator. and no, the little boy had nothing to do with why his sister was having a tantrum. it was the funniest thing. the little boy was so oblivious to what was going on in this tiny elevator space. this to me is the essence of life. someone could be in the deepest of pain and others will cast a blind eye towards them no matter how loud they are emoting. everyone is in their own world.

the crying game

im a very sensitive person. sometimes im overcome by emotion and i actually cry. its quite embarrassing. the worst time to cry is at work. sometimes im really angry but instead of shouting, tears flow . i know that im not the only work crier. ive seen others cry at work. work crying really sucks. you think you are in control , but then you cry. because work is stressful its hard to stop that crying once its begun. ive read in some women's magazines that crying at work is a big no-no. well duh! no one actually wants to cry at work. it just happens.
nyc is a tough place for a crier to live. people who drive everywhere can cry in their cars when overcome by emotion. in new york when one has a crappy day one can cry publicly on the subway platform. mostly people just ignore the crier. hell , its new york. watching someone cry is the least weird thing one hopes will happen on the subway platform. its still quite embarrassing. occasionally a sympathetic soul has offered me a tissue. that's always nice. fortunately they never have asked me why i was crying. too personal. the tissue gifter doesn't want to know and frankly sometimes talking about why im crying makes me want to cry more.
as much as im embarrassed that im a crier, i do believe that its better than ignoring my feelings altogether. one cant confront ones issues of sadness if one cant admit one is sad.
that said, im equally able to laugh as to cry, so it cant be all bad.