mega millions

the mega millions lottery ticket today is mega large today. whenever i think about the possibility of winning the jackpot and how i would live my life after i won my mega millions i wonder how i could live that way even if i never won those mega millions. do i really need mega millions to live a utopian life? if i would have the mega millions it would certainly help, but not everything in utopia requires mega millions. thank goodness.

money can't buy heath even though it can help maintain it. inner peace does not require a large check. true friends are more valuable than money. money can't make the sun shine or the rain drop. being rich does not prevent depression or make one a confident person. kindness to others and creativity does not require mega millions. mega millions can enhance all these qualities, but it is  not required .

hopefully i will remember to buy a mega millions ticket, but if i don't i will still strive to live the enriched life i envision  for myself.

lessons to learn

i would always cringe when the response to many a tragedy is that people need to dress more modestly. i always found this quite amusing. what ever happened to the importance of behaving more modestly ? now  more than ever i find this to be true.. leiby kletzky's murderer dressed like a frum jew, but he most certainly did not behave like one. it is so important for all of us who appear to be frum to make sure we are really behaving in the way someone who looks like a  frum person should.
i think that the focus on people dressing modestly is so a person will be embarrassed to act inappropriately because one looks so frum. from one standpoint i understand this . if you do a mitzvah you will internalize it eventually.  dress is just superficial , an action (mitzvah) is more powerful than a costume. we must aspire to doing many mitzvot and behaving jewish and have good midos . this way those of  us who are frum will really be frum and not just appear to be frum.

bragger beware!!

i absolutely hate braggers!!! i don't like drawing attention to myself even when goodness finds me. i don't like to make others feel envious of me. it really irks me that some people love bragging. they just think they are sooo special. what self confidence! what conceit! to me bragging is the worst midah one can possess. why make others who don't have what you have feel bad for what they are lacking?

ready, set , go!!

when i was in my early twenties i remember a shadchan becoming impatient with me after i had gone out with a guy three times. " what do you mean you arent sure about bochur x after three dates? some people get engaged after 10 dates!!! what is with you?" apparently this shadchan hasn't gone shopping with me. when i go to a clothing store i check out everything that is there , try on all of the maybes and then make a decision as to which i would like to buy. when i go to a jewelery booth at a holiday market i take stock of everything and sometimes wait until the next day until i choose a trinket. i eventually make a purchase , but not without much thought and consideration. apparently shadchanim do not understand this, which i find quite odd. isn't that the point of shidduch dating? one is supposed to choose a mate through logical deliberation, not gut lust?
i do agree that dating someone for too long doesn't bode well in a relationship if one is serious about getting married, its just the timeline that i have my own feelings about. if someone is a very open person then a shorter dating period can be ok, but if one isn't then ten dates before engagement spells trouble. i have also found that time in itself is helpful in the shidduch process. at first everyone is on his/her best behavior, but as time passes one starts to be more ones self. the other thing is that over time life happens. tempers flare , one gets to learn the others spending habits and one gets to see the others true religious level. these are things that happen over time. one can only see what the other person's debating tactics are if one is in an actual argument with them. at first a guy may be very generous, but over time it may prove that he is quite miserly. or the opposite. a guy could extravagant and be a million dollars in debt. one might proclaim to be a certain level of frumkeit, but over time one can see if the other lives up to his/her appointed level. these issues are the tip of the iceberg. one cannot know everything about a person before one commits but it does pay to make the effort. some people do well being pushed into things. i do not . the more one pushes me the more i will say no way, especially when the stakes are so high.

flash without substance.

often when dating i find that who i think the person is initially does not match who they become once i get to know him. someone homely can become an adonis and a total hottie can evolve into ugly as sin. and of course there are many levels in between. often someone can sport a particular persona when in a group while one on one they can be the opposite. ive met alot of guys like this. at first they seem very convivial, and then you spend time with them and their true nature is that of a depressed dodo. there are alot of guys who have alot of flash without substance. they seem interesting, but after spending quality time with them i have found that they possess zero quality. once in awhile i find someone who is more solid. someone who has strength of character. the search continues!

the evil one

what do you do when you have a friend who is somewhere in that zone of a little more than acquaintance, a little less than a friend, and you see that they have a toxic friend ?

i have a friend in this zone who has a buddy who is just evil and an awful influence. i would love to tell my friend to stay away from this creep, but i cant. we are not friendly enough for me to actually tell him this. it really makes me feel bad. it doesnt seem like my friend has channeled the evil one's persona, but it makes me feel bad to see him hang with someone with such poor character. i know that you could say that perhaps my friend could be a positive influence on the evil one, but im not convinced that my friend has a strong enough personality to transform the evil one.

thank you

i would just like to post a public thank you to those families who open their homes for yom tov and shabbos meals. i specifically want to thank those who invite many singles every week. these individuals are so special. many who they invite are social deviants who would have no where to go and yet these families invite them with a full heart and make all of their guests feel welcome. i dont know how they do it. because these families invite such diverse company it can be overwhelming to be a guest if one is not eccentric. nonetheless it applaud the hosts. it is such a big mitzvah. the families who open their homes are not rich . they dont get funding to do hachnasos orchim . i am in awe of these families. i dont know that i could do what they do if i were married. im not sure i would have the patience. this is why i think that what these families are doing is so incredible.

is patience a virtue?

i would consider myself a patient person, but it can be alot of hard work. patience can really wear a person out.
when one is patient, one isnt always the most assertive.
patience is also humbling.
or maybe im being forced to be more patient than i actually am, and that is what is wearing me out.
some friends require lots of patience, which is why they befriend me, but sometimes i dont have the strength to be patient, sometimes i need to be around less needy people.
when people say that h-shem wouldnt give anyone any trial unless he thought they could handle it really causes me to pause. so does this mean that this particular person is seemingly without mazel because they deserve it? because they can handle it?
i know that whatever adversity doesnt kill someone makes one stronger, but how much can one person take?
how much patience does life require?