levi aron's ex-wife met him from the dating website saw you at sinai. it wasn't from jdate and it wasn't from frumster. bet that tidbit isn't going to get that website more traffic. i don't blame saw you at sinai for having nut jobs on their site any more than i would blame any other dating website. they don't run background checks on their members. the only thing is saw you at sinai has 'shadchanim' whereas on the other dating sites you can contact prospective dates directly. i never joined saw you at sinai. i tried to on several occasions but that questionnaire is too tedious . the other thing is that the 'shadchanim' never actually meet who they are trying to match up so unless i chose a shadchan that was someone i actually have met i think its kind of bogus.
the worst part is that i can imagine that even shadchanim who personally knew levi aron would tout him as a catch. after all he was thirty five and divorced. he could even make a commitment ladies.what a sick world we live in.so even if you actually meet a shadchan and they actually have met the individual they are trying to pass off on you there is no guarantee that he isn't an ax murderer.
Showing posts with label shadchan. Show all posts
Showing posts with label shadchan. Show all posts
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Sunday, May 22, 2011
he's a nice guy
often after a date i will tell friends or the person who set me up with them that the guy is a really nice person but he is not for me. i mean it. both parts. he really is a nice guy AND he is really not for me. this always confuses people. if i think he is a nice guy why do i not want to go out with him again? i don't mean to be confusing, its just that though i think the guy is a good person there are things about him that i dislike/can't live with and therefore do not want to continue with him. does my not wanting to date him mean that i have to say that i think he is a dreadful human being? i know that if i would say that every guy i don't want to date is dreadful that would not go over well either. then i would be the woman who can't stand every man who is sent her way. even though i don't want to continue dating someone i don't want to diminish his dating prospects by saying lashon hara i don't believe about him just to shut people up . i suppose i will continue to confuse people . its what i do best. after all i am a woman.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
ready, set , go!!
when i was in my early twenties i remember a shadchan becoming impatient with me after i had gone out with a guy three times. " what do you mean you arent sure about bochur x after three dates? some people get engaged after 10 dates!!! what is with you?" apparently this shadchan hasn't gone shopping with me. when i go to a clothing store i check out everything that is there , try on all of the maybes and then make a decision as to which i would like to buy. when i go to a jewelery booth at a holiday market i take stock of everything and sometimes wait until the next day until i choose a trinket. i eventually make a purchase , but not without much thought and consideration. apparently shadchanim do not understand this, which i find quite odd. isn't that the point of shidduch dating? one is supposed to choose a mate through logical deliberation, not gut lust?
i do agree that dating someone for too long doesn't bode well in a relationship if one is serious about getting married, its just the timeline that i have my own feelings about. if someone is a very open person then a shorter dating period can be ok, but if one isn't then ten dates before engagement spells trouble. i have also found that time in itself is helpful in the shidduch process. at first everyone is on his/her best behavior, but as time passes one starts to be more ones self. the other thing is that over time life happens. tempers flare , one gets to learn the others spending habits and one gets to see the others true religious level. these are things that happen over time. one can only see what the other person's debating tactics are if one is in an actual argument with them. at first a guy may be very generous, but over time it may prove that he is quite miserly. or the opposite. a guy could extravagant and be a million dollars in debt. one might proclaim to be a certain level of frumkeit, but over time one can see if the other lives up to his/her appointed level. these issues are the tip of the iceberg. one cannot know everything about a person before one commits but it does pay to make the effort. some people do well being pushed into things. i do not . the more one pushes me the more i will say no way, especially when the stakes are so high.
i do agree that dating someone for too long doesn't bode well in a relationship if one is serious about getting married, its just the timeline that i have my own feelings about. if someone is a very open person then a shorter dating period can be ok, but if one isn't then ten dates before engagement spells trouble. i have also found that time in itself is helpful in the shidduch process. at first everyone is on his/her best behavior, but as time passes one starts to be more ones self. the other thing is that over time life happens. tempers flare , one gets to learn the others spending habits and one gets to see the others true religious level. these are things that happen over time. one can only see what the other person's debating tactics are if one is in an actual argument with them. at first a guy may be very generous, but over time it may prove that he is quite miserly. or the opposite. a guy could extravagant and be a million dollars in debt. one might proclaim to be a certain level of frumkeit, but over time one can see if the other lives up to his/her appointed level. these issues are the tip of the iceberg. one cannot know everything about a person before one commits but it does pay to make the effort. some people do well being pushed into things. i do not . the more one pushes me the more i will say no way, especially when the stakes are so high.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
score one for the do nothings
there is one person who is benefiting from the downturn in the economy and this is the do-nothing . the do-nothing is the type who is perpetually out of work. now when asked what his (or her) profession is he (or she) can just respond "oh you know .... the economy....." and they are good to go!!!
Friday, December 26, 2008
its all a set-up.
in the shtetls of eastern europe the shadchan was all the rage. i think that in shtetl culture where basicly everyone knew each other this was probably a valuable venue. in 2008, almost 2009 , im not too sure that it is.
a shadchan usually meets her client once and then tries to "set them up" . how can a shadchan set two people up without knowing them and expect it to work out. i suppose if one goes by the "you never know " cliche, then perhaps. but usually its alot more like spinning the dice or playing paper scissors , rock.
my answer to those who abide by the "you never know " cliche is "oh yes i do". once in awhile by accident a shadchan might make a shidduch with that theory, but one cant rely on the consistency of happenstance.
when a shadchan so nonchalantly asks me my age i am always inwardly estimating their age. only once has a shadchan told me her age during one of those shidduch interrogations. i think all shadchanim should do this. and of course we'll just add 10 years to their answer ....just to be safe.
with shadchanim 40 is the new 30 and he has been 30 for the last ten years... at least...
shadchanim ask their clients for references, but of course they never check them out. they leave that to their lowly clients. though i would trust my investigative abilities over that of a shadchan , i still dont quite understand why they dont do reference checking before setting someone up, just to be sure they arent setting up an axe murderer. arent they afraid of lawsuits?
i spent much of my twenties going on shidduch dates. by the time i turned thirty i decided that there has got to be a better way. so ive tried the dating websites and singles events. these venues have not yet found me my zivug , but at least i feel more in control of my destiny than when i solely relied on others to scope out my zivug.
a shadchan usually meets her client once and then tries to "set them up" . how can a shadchan set two people up without knowing them and expect it to work out. i suppose if one goes by the "you never know " cliche, then perhaps. but usually its alot more like spinning the dice or playing paper scissors , rock.
my answer to those who abide by the "you never know " cliche is "oh yes i do". once in awhile by accident a shadchan might make a shidduch with that theory, but one cant rely on the consistency of happenstance.
when a shadchan so nonchalantly asks me my age i am always inwardly estimating their age. only once has a shadchan told me her age during one of those shidduch interrogations. i think all shadchanim should do this. and of course we'll just add 10 years to their answer ....just to be safe.
with shadchanim 40 is the new 30 and he has been 30 for the last ten years... at least...
shadchanim ask their clients for references, but of course they never check them out. they leave that to their lowly clients. though i would trust my investigative abilities over that of a shadchan , i still dont quite understand why they dont do reference checking before setting someone up, just to be sure they arent setting up an axe murderer. arent they afraid of lawsuits?
i spent much of my twenties going on shidduch dates. by the time i turned thirty i decided that there has got to be a better way. so ive tried the dating websites and singles events. these venues have not yet found me my zivug , but at least i feel more in control of my destiny than when i solely relied on others to scope out my zivug.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
older than the trees in the forest
when i was growing up my mom would always say that she was older than the trees in the forest. years later she said that she didnt really care if my siblings and i knew her age , its just that sometimes kids blab and she didnt want the whole world discussing her age.
my grandmother on the other hand had a different tactic. she was always 29. although at some point we kids figured out she couldnt be 29 if our dad was 33 (dad being a guy ,revealed his age). grandma looked good for over 29 , but she didnt look younger than my dad.
when i was in high school my mom came up with the concept of how she wouldnt mind attending my dad's high school reunion, but she didnt want to attend hers. she would look like "the young wife" at my dad's reunion, but at her own reunion the men's younger wives were younger than the women who had been in their graduating class.
as a kid i didnt quite grasp this concept, as an adult i do.
there was a gem of an episode on the john laroquette show where john went to a party and met a woman who appeared his age. when he asked her for her number she told him she didnt usually date men his age. this of course put poor john in a tailspin. he suddenly was looking in to plastic surgery. in the end the woman revealed her real age , which was significantly older than john. the woman had alot of work done which kept her well preserved.
years ago i met a shadchan who said that its okay to lie about ones age by two years because if someone found out the truth, two years wouldnt be a deal breaker.
one must be careful when lying about ones age. if you say you are 10 yrs younger than you are, you better look it. if you dont people will catch on. its probably better to say you are older. this way you will look great. if you are really 30 but say you are 40 , everyone will say"gee, he looks really great for forty!" if you are really 30 and say you are 25, but you look every inch like you are 30, you arent doing yourself any favors.
as for me... well.. im older than the trees in the forest, and thats my final answer!!!
my grandmother on the other hand had a different tactic. she was always 29. although at some point we kids figured out she couldnt be 29 if our dad was 33 (dad being a guy ,revealed his age). grandma looked good for over 29 , but she didnt look younger than my dad.
when i was in high school my mom came up with the concept of how she wouldnt mind attending my dad's high school reunion, but she didnt want to attend hers. she would look like "the young wife" at my dad's reunion, but at her own reunion the men's younger wives were younger than the women who had been in their graduating class.
as a kid i didnt quite grasp this concept, as an adult i do.
there was a gem of an episode on the john laroquette show where john went to a party and met a woman who appeared his age. when he asked her for her number she told him she didnt usually date men his age. this of course put poor john in a tailspin. he suddenly was looking in to plastic surgery. in the end the woman revealed her real age , which was significantly older than john. the woman had alot of work done which kept her well preserved.
years ago i met a shadchan who said that its okay to lie about ones age by two years because if someone found out the truth, two years wouldnt be a deal breaker.
one must be careful when lying about ones age. if you say you are 10 yrs younger than you are, you better look it. if you dont people will catch on. its probably better to say you are older. this way you will look great. if you are really 30 but say you are 40 , everyone will say"gee, he looks really great for forty!" if you are really 30 and say you are 25, but you look every inch like you are 30, you arent doing yourself any favors.
as for me... well.. im older than the trees in the forest, and thats my final answer!!!
Sunday, October 5, 2008
check this out...
i just read a comment on frum satire's blog post www.frumsatire.net/2008/10/05/shidduch-blog-carnival/ by future druggie and it was funny, but dead on true. ill repeat the comment here because i just totally love it
i'm a single jewish male,
hitting fifty-five,
yet i refuse to date
a girl over thirty-five.
i'm perfectly normal,
as normal as can be,
but i suffer from baby delusional syndrome,
a painful malady.
i'm going to be a daddy,
in my fantasy.
i would prefer to stay single
than face reality.
baby delusional syndrome
what am i going to do?
ive got to keep lying about my age
and my income, too.
im a single jewish male,
hitting fifty-six.....
by: future druggie
and there you have it. they wonder why there is a shidduch crisis....
no one gets exactly what they want, but meanwhile everyone expects that they will.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
shidduchisms
one of my favorite things is when a longtime single "finally" gets married and everyone now guesses that they must be normal after all. weren't they normal before they got married?
i have a friend who had an older sister who got married in her late thirties and i always heard people gossiping that they thought she was weird and way too picky. turns out "too picky " meant that she didnt want to date anyone who lived out of town. now since she lived in nyc, it wasnt an unrealistic stipulation. she was living in a community where there were plenty of prospects. anyway, i knew my friend's sister and she had a great personality and was quite pretty. anyway, in the end she found someone within her age range and did marry. then all of the gossip mongers sighed a communal sigh of relief and decided " she must be normal after all"
oy vey! she was normal all along.
there are alot of abnormal people out there who get married.
and just because one actually gets married, it doesn't mean one will never get divorced.
since when has being divorced meant that one is more normal in the dating pool? no , i dont mean to bash divorced people. i would be perfectly charmed to date a divorced guy. im just saying that just because one has been married before it doesnt guarantee one's normalcy. after all ,there is a reason that they have gotten divorced. i have heard that there is an even higher rate of second marriages ending in divorce than first marriages.
there are no guarantees or perfect formulas to finding the optimal spouse because people are people and everyone is different.
there are lots of psychos who are single as well as married. marital status does not certify sanity.
i have a friend who had an older sister who got married in her late thirties and i always heard people gossiping that they thought she was weird and way too picky. turns out "too picky " meant that she didnt want to date anyone who lived out of town. now since she lived in nyc, it wasnt an unrealistic stipulation. she was living in a community where there were plenty of prospects. anyway, i knew my friend's sister and she had a great personality and was quite pretty. anyway, in the end she found someone within her age range and did marry. then all of the gossip mongers sighed a communal sigh of relief and decided " she must be normal after all"
oy vey! she was normal all along.
there are alot of abnormal people out there who get married.
and just because one actually gets married, it doesn't mean one will never get divorced.
since when has being divorced meant that one is more normal in the dating pool? no , i dont mean to bash divorced people. i would be perfectly charmed to date a divorced guy. im just saying that just because one has been married before it doesnt guarantee one's normalcy. after all ,there is a reason that they have gotten divorced. i have heard that there is an even higher rate of second marriages ending in divorce than first marriages.
there are no guarantees or perfect formulas to finding the optimal spouse because people are people and everyone is different.
there are lots of psychos who are single as well as married. marital status does not certify sanity.
Sunday, March 9, 2008
verbal garbage
its hard enough attending a singles event , what makes it worse is stupid people. more specifically stupid divorced people. often when i've started chatting with other singles at a singles event the issue of marital status comes up. often the person says to me 'so you never got married?' and these words ALWAYS emanate from a divorced individual. in which case i want to tell them 'so your marriage bombed? what a loser!!' but of course i never say this. its bad enough married people can be insulting, why must singles insult each others status. its much softer to ask someone if they've ever been married than comment 'oh, so you never got married?' how rude!! its enough to get barbs from shadchanim, but to get them from singles is even worse. why make me feel bad for having never been married. i feel bad enough. and someone who is divorced didnt manage to stay married. so they should really feel worse. unless, they just like to insult single never been marrieds just to make themselves feel better about themselves , which to me is equally rude. verbal garbage directed anyone single or divorced is never acceptable in my book
Sunday, February 17, 2008
dating doldrums
loshon harah and dating is always a difficult one . one thing for sure no one is going to tell me what i need to know, but you can bet on the fact that someone is going to tell someone something about me . and this my friends is why i believe that there is a special place in hell for shadchanim. for all of the ways they twist the truth just for their own pocketbooks, nothing else. the only way a shadchan is going to make a shidduch for me is by accident, and they would have to be paying me for my tzar in having to deal with them. once long ago someone set me up with a guy so fat that the moment i looked at him my face fell. i didnt mean to do this, but if someone would have just warned me i would have been prepared. then i wouldn't have had such a strong reaction. maybe i would have met him anyway(probably not, i admit) . was it fair to him to have to meet someone with such a negative gut reaction? and i actually checked him out, but no one managed to tell me this. when i mentioned to the shadchan that i would have preferred someone slimmer the shadchan said "well he used to be even fatter". i would be more upset with this woman, but i heard years later that this noble shadchan is divorced. not that she deserves to be, but now she can get to know what it feels like to be set up.
my all -time favorite is the person "friend" who says you are too this or too that,but they won't tell you who said this so you could maybe understand the context. of course i always wonder why the authority of this anonymous friend is taken so seriously and my supposed friend is taking their side and not mine. whose friend are they anyway? a variation on this theme is the guy who i dated who told me he heard i had nerdy friends in high school. at the time i was 26. high school was a million years ago even then. aside from the fact this particular guy wasn't so cool ever. ive always been an individualist . im friends with someone because they are my friend. friendship with me never depends on a coolness score. at the time i told him that my friends were great, and i didn't know what he was talking about and who told him this anyway? and to this he replied ' i cant say' baloney!! don't insult someone and not let them be able to defend themselves.
my all -time favorite is the person "friend" who says you are too this or too that,but they won't tell you who said this so you could maybe understand the context. of course i always wonder why the authority of this anonymous friend is taken so seriously and my supposed friend is taking their side and not mine. whose friend are they anyway? a variation on this theme is the guy who i dated who told me he heard i had nerdy friends in high school. at the time i was 26. high school was a million years ago even then. aside from the fact this particular guy wasn't so cool ever. ive always been an individualist . im friends with someone because they are my friend. friendship with me never depends on a coolness score. at the time i told him that my friends were great, and i didn't know what he was talking about and who told him this anyway? and to this he replied ' i cant say' baloney!! don't insult someone and not let them be able to defend themselves.
Saturday, February 2, 2008
I CHOOSE JIF
i just love how people like to assign a pat reason for why singles are still single. i wish it were that easy!! if this truly were the case, i would of course be married. my most favorite "reason" is that singles are too choosy. and of course we are. wouldnt you be? after all , this is someone who one will be sharing everything with. its not like just picking a roommate. yes, there are singles who are way too choosy, but to use such a blanket statement is ridiculous. there are many reasons to be discerning. many liars are shadchanim, many singles of poor character. i think that people are frustrated with singles and since they dont know how to fix things they like to play the blame game. i say leave the amateur psychiatry to the professionals and just consentrate on trying to set people up or at the very least be a sympathetic friend. there are so many reasons singles are single because people are different . even though there may be validity to some of these "reasons" it doesnt mean that every "reason" applies to every single. furthermore so many in our society are single that the problem is greater than just blaming me for being single. i certainly dont have any answers, only questions, but if you know someone for me....
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