the cure

  I remember learning in school that Hashem sends the cure before the sickness. Modern science tells us to eat healthfully and busy ourselves with preventive care so we will stay healthy. Kind of cool that this kind of is a proof for the cure being given before the illness or the solution being sent before the problem.
    I always think of this adage when I see people who are off the derech.  Often there are good reasons why these people are off the derech that perhaps could have been prevented if frum society was different. Once someone has flown the coop so to speak it is harder to reclaim him. It is much easier to keep someone frum before they have pushed to their limits and have left the fold. It really behooves us to try to find a way to fix things before they have reached the point of no return. I do not think that this is achieved by having a tighter leash on young people. I think that the problems are deeper than just trying to tighten the blinders. People do not want to admit that things need to be fixed which is such a shame. The more issues get swept under the rug, the bigger the mess becomes. The solutions are out there, we just have to see them. I don't mean just the educators or the rabbis. I mean all of us. It takes a village.
   

goodbyes

goodbyes can be difficult especially when they are final. worse than saying goodbye is not being able to say goodbye.
the last time i saw my grandmother  a"h i did not realize that it was going to be the last time that i would see my grandmother. to this day i wish that i would have given her a proper goodbye . at the time she was ill and she fell asleep during the visit. when i left i said goodbye but it just looked like she wasn't feeling good and i didn't want to wake her so i did not make  an elaborate goodbye when we parted. a month later she passed away.
when my dad died a"h i did not get to say goodbye but i was with him the last day of his life . his passing was unexpected, so there were no goodbyes.
both my grandmother and my father have visited me in my dreams which has helped the process of closure.
it must be even more awful to sit by someone in the hospital and see the life force separate from the body even though at that point one is able to say goodbye because one knows what is coming .
there are two people that i have been able to say goodbye to , one (to my knowledge)   is still alive  and one who  is not.
not long after my dad died a 79 year old client dropped by my job to say goodbye to everyone. she was dying of cancer and she just wanted to say farewell. i was glad that i was there at the time. she was such a lovely lady.
i have another acquaintance who has als (lou gherig's disease). he told me when he had been diagnosed with it. i had no words.   i had the honor of seeing this individual  recently. though i was teary eyed, i made sure to say goodbye. i do not know if we will ever meet again on this earth. i know his wife and son. they are in so much pain. its a dastardly disease. the person is alive and dead at the same time.
i can't be so serious as to have a mindful goodbye every time i say goodbye to someone. it would be too depressing. i just try to appreciate the friends and loved ones in my life as much as i can.

the signs are on the lampposts

i usually dont pay much attention to lamppost signs, but this one was a doozy. i dont remember the exact words, but basically it said that some bochur who wants to get married and have a family needs our help because he needs some procedure. dont get me wrong, everyone who is having a medical problem deserves to have help, but because they are human and deserve to be in proper health, not because they want to get married and have a family. if he was elderly would he not deserve to be well? if he never will have children, doesnt he still deserve to be well? i do hope this young man gets whatever help he needs, but not just because he wants to get married and have a family. will people only have pity on a sick person if they want to get married and have a family? i somehow think that the torah does not make that kind of stipulation.
i dont remember whether i saw that lamppost in boro park or flatbush, but im pretty sure that i saw it on avenue j last night. scary....