listen

     So many people play interviewer while dating . I don't and somehow I find out a lot more about people than the interviewer types. This is because I actually listen to what the other person is telling me about himself. Its not that I do not ask any questions , its just that  I don't opt for mistress of interrogation mode.
People tell you everything you need to know about them, if only you would listen.
     If a guy tells me he is at a specific religious level that is not mine  i believe him. If someone tells me that he does not want to get married  I believe him. If a tells me that he does not want to marry me I believe him. I don't second guess him and think that I know better when the person himself has stated clearly and specifically differently. Who knows a person better than ones self? Believe what a guy tells you about himself. He means it. He does know himself better than you do. Spare yourself the heartache and just listen.

unwanted advice

the worst kind of advice is that of the unwanted variety. unless i think the other person will be receptive to what im telling him or her , i hold my tongue. no one likes criticism , including myself. unsolicited advice can ruin friendships.
when giving unsolicited advice to a friend, its best to be brief and calm. dont run down a litany of misdeeds. unless of course one is looking to say goodbye to that friendship.
and of course many can dish out unsolicited " advice" , but cant take the heat. if you can dish it out you better be able to take it. after all , it works both ways.
ultimately the only person one can truly change is oneself. but we all know this....
so much for unwanted advice!!!

the art of listening

listening is an art. don't laugh. not many people are good listeners. i try very hard to listen to what people are saying. its really difficult . alot of times we use our own prejudices when listening to someone's thoughts and assume they mean one thing and start to respond before we've really heard what the other person is saying. hearing someone out can actually prevent an argument. often i listen to my supervisor go on her idiotic ramblings and i think i hear a warning sign for her to go psycho, but i hold off on responding until ive heard what she has actually said. its impossible to second guess her, and much better not to get defensive until i really know that there is something to complain about. (although more times than not, there is reason.)
often i find myself speaking to someone and they arent really listening to what im saying and they are just waiting to pounce in with whatever it is that they want to say. often they might interrupt and tell the end of the sentence and ruin a story im trying to tell . often people have assumed too much and they were totally wrong. i have one friend who interrupts me when im speaking to ask me a question that if they hadnt interrupted me it would have been my next sentence.
if you listen to what people say they will tell you all you need to know. too bad so many people just dont listen.
so many times when i get interrupted i completely lose my train of thought and never manage to tell the person what i had intended to tell them in the first place. which i always figure is their loss.
it can be quite uncomfortable to be asked a firing squad of questions, whereas if the person was left to say their piece in peace they may be more candid. they may feel less self conscious.
im not suggesting everyone have one sided conversations, its just that its important to heed social cues in conversation instead of speaking out of turn and not letting the other person get a word in edgewise. its important to try and really listen to what each other is saying. a lot of misunderstandings would be eliminated, a lot of insight gained.