Belief

      Part of being a grown up is deciding what it is you believe in. Some people end up changing everything they believe in but forget that just because they have changed not everyone around them wants to change. I think a person needs to come to terms with the fact that though one's convictions are good for one's self other people will be less evolved than you are and thats just how it is. It really should not matter what others do if you are truly comfortable with your beliefs.

more grieving....

the death of a parent really hits a person by surprise. here you are going about your business and then boom, it happens. my dad had some health issues , but i didn't think that he would pass away at the age he was. both of my dad's parents lived until their late eighties. if you would have met my dad you would have never thought that he was the age that he was. he was so full of strength.

when a parent dies it not only makes you confront their mortality but one's own. it also makes you realize that no matter how much you wished your relationship could have been more ____ (fill in the blank however you wish) you still miss them and wish they would still be on this earth.

the death of a parent means your nuclear family is never going to be the same. you have become part of a club that you never wanted to join in the first place. the club of those who have lost a parent.

eighty is the new 120

for the past ten years ive been hearing that 40 is the new 30 . so does this mean that 30 is the new twenty? is 80 the new 120? these are all great pickup lines (take note guys) but is this really true? alot of single men over 35 act like they are a young 75.
i think that people in their thirties and forties today are experiencing a longer period of delayed adolescence than those who were in their thirties and forties twenty years ago. these days people get married later and have kids later extending the less fettered by responsibilities mindset previously reserved to those in their early twenties.
people these days tend to take better care of themselves than people twenty years ago, hence the more youthful appearance.
ive always had older relatives who were young at heart so im not sure what all the commotion is about. its all about one's mindset. always has been, always will be.
hopefully this new youthful attitude revolution will continue. its no fun being around 28 year olds who kvetch about their aches and pains more than grandma moses.

window into the past

elderly people who are still all there are the coolest people to spend time with. when you look around their living space you see ancient photos that seem current to them and furniture that to a younger person only exist in the movies or a thrift shop. you also get a window into the past. history books cant give you what an elderly person can. a book can tell the facts and even about how people may have been effected by these facts, but a book can only be read. you can ask an elderly person questions . they may not always remember, but when they do its amazing.

years ago when my great uncle was still alive he told me about how when he was small there were only horse and buggies. he also said that there used to be a stone in front of homes and stores . there was a large gap between the ground and the carriage. the men could easily jump down , but the women in their dresses could not do so gracefully . this is where the stone comes in. the women would step onto the stone and then onto the ground. it was much more graceful this way. he also said that years after horse and buggies were just a memory these stones remained. after awhile people didnt even remember why they were there in the first place.

after cars were invented one always knew when it was a good year economically when one looked in the driveway at the university and there were many cars parked there. (this of course was outside of new york. )

my great uncle also described the thrill of riding on a train for the first time. there werent even any seats, but for him it was just so exciting to travel city to city in such a modern mode of transportation.

my great uncle also lived years before window screens were invented. he said it was awful when one rode on a bus. all the bugs would fly in your face. not a great visual indeed. it was something i had never thought of . i thought window screens had been around forever. who knew?

i could have read all about these events in a book, but these facts on their own may not have actually interested me. knowing someone who had experienced such events made them seem less of a fairytale and more plausible. my great uncle not only knew about these things, he lived them.

there are so many nuggets elderly people carry within them. we must help them pass them on to us before they arent able to pass them on anymore.

so much for technology....

i remember eight years ago one of my brothers was really excited about the conversion of analog to digital tv. come to think of it my 96 year old great uncle was also looking forward to it. as for me... ive been dreading it. a year ago i got the darn government issue $40 coupon so i bought the $65 gadget for $25. i had tried to hook it up at the time, but it was more complicated than i had anticipated. i was able to hook it up to my tv but not my vcr. yes i know im living in the dark ages. i dont have cable or tivo. i do have a dvd player.
anyway, today i decided to suck it up and try to hook up the tv/digital converter/vcr. what a debacle. it took me several hours to do so. finally i looked in my low tech circa 2004 vcr manual which told me how to record with a vcr if you have a cable box. success! i did a test run and was able to record. yes i know i can watch missed shows online , but its much more fun to watch tv on an actual tv.
i was perfectly happy with my analog tv. ive always had a good antenna on my tv.sometimes the upgrades of technology arent really better. i like the fact dvds are smaller than videos, but i like how you can pause a video and come back to it a few days later without the hassle of a dvd. i prefer the reception of a landline phone over a cell phone and books over the kindle. i do admit that i like reserving and renewing library books online. to me it is just on e of life's little pleasures. i cant imagine typing with an old fashioned manual typewriter instead of a computer.
well, i think im safe technologically for a little while now.... until they think of something new EVERYONE just has to have.

more ny jewish film festival

i havent attended as many films during this years new york jewish film festival as i usually do. not as many films grabbed my attention as in previous years.
today i saw the film in search of the bene israel which is a documentary about the jews in india. although i am quite certain that this years film choices were chosen way before the terror attacks in mumbai, i found this film to be an ode to the jewish community of india.
the premise of the story is that the documentarian's grandmother wants her to visit jewish india and see where her grandmother came from. what makes this film even more interesting is that this jewish grandmother ended up marrying a muslim , left her faith , and after about 60 years she decided to come back to judaism and try to get her granddaughter interested in it as well.
sadia shepard, the filmmaker was not exactly raised jewish . her mother and mothers mother were jewish, but she also has a father and grandfathers who are not jewish- namely muslim and pakistani. it seems she identifies with all her religions. she admitted to attending bene israel high holiday services at a synogogue in the village (nyc, not a village in mumbai).
sadia shepard went to india to teach at ort and subsequently met members of the jewish community in india. in the film she recounted the story of the shipwrecked boats and the seven women and seven men on them and how from these people are the bene israel .
at the beginning of the film a shul in india is shown where they are singing a most beautiful version of adon olam.
many of the bene israel have now moved to israel . i know of many in the united states. there is still a semblence of a community in india, though it is quite small.
sadia shepard did not meet rivka or gavriel holtzberg when she was in india. they immigrated to india after she had left india.
though she is still exploring her jewishness, she brought her mother with her to this new york screening in true jewish fashion.
sadia shepard also wrote a book about the bene israel and of her familal origins called the girl from foreign. i actually have the book , but i have not read it yet.
i think that it is so incredible that jewish people have lived all around the world, and have maintained their identities as jews.
i would definitely recommend this film.

gelt vs gifts

some say Hanukkah gelt is more jewish than Hanukkah presents. i for one will be happy to accept both.

i wont pretend to know definitvely why this is , but i personally think that getting hannukah gelt is the same as getting a Hanukkah present. perhaps bubby and zaidy didnt know what to get the grandchildren for Hanukkah one year, so they settled on giving them a little gelt and thats how the whole tradition of Hanukkah gelt started!

is gelt more jewish because jews are greedy?

gelt is a gift because anything i have to write a thank -you note for recieving is a gift in my book.

perhaps Hanukkah gifts are exchanged due to the juxtposition of x-mas and Hanukkah. so the young-uns wouldnt get jealous. no matter. its not assur to exchange gifts on Hanukkah (although im sure some scroogey rebbe must think it is). if it is its a well kept secret. ( that hopefully will stay that way).

i wish all of my readers a happy Hanukkah, lots of gelt or gifts, whichever you prefer!!!

being thankful

this week heralds in the secular american holiday of thanksgiving. my family, being modern orthodox, always celebrated thanksgiving. ive always enjoyed watching the parade on tv and getting together for a big family meal that was able to include guests who were not necessarily in walking distance.

i am thankful to be in this country. my family arrived in the united states not long after a major pogrom in kishinev and not without one of my grandmothers getting shot in the face as an eleven-year-old during a pogrom. im grateful, that b"h , bli eyin harah, i have never had to experience such horrors. america is not the promised land, but it has been a haven for many jews as well as many other beleaguered individuals. i believe in having hakaras hatov.

im going away for thanksgiving starting tomorrow, so i probably wont have time to blog until next week. until then, have a happy and healthy thanksgiving for those who are celebrating.

lost islands

i attended the israeli film festival last evening and i saw lost islands. it was an amazing film. its a movie about a family with five sons in the early 1980's . they feature many great american songs from that era. the whole family sings the song tainted love as well as the theme song from the love boat. there's a wedding in the movie and they dance to the hustle. what nostalgia!!
the two main characters are twins who both vie for the same girl. one twin is the bookish type and the other is a hot sephardic stud with beautiful blue eyes. the film shows how no one is all good or all bad. erez is a goody -goody who made some bad choices and ofer is a sensitive hottie who takes charge when tragedy befalls his family . the scenes of ofer taking care of his family are most touching.
i dont want to give away the whole movie, so definitely go see it. if you cant catch it at the israeli film festival it will mostly likely show up at the quad ,the jcc, film forum , the angelica , Lincoln plaza cinemas etc at some point. if its a well received movie it will. at some point.

summer apples

at the risk of making myself sound like i originate from the backwoods, i will share this memory...
when i was small my family had an apple tree in our back yard. it was really cool being able to just pick an apple off the tree and just eat it. my mom didnt even make us wash them before eating.
the apples on our apple tree were of the green variety. until this week i hadnt had an apple like the apples from that apple tree since i was eight years old. yesterday, at the union square green market i purchased green apples marked "summer apples" which tasted just like the apples we had on our tree. it was an amazing experience. munching on that crispy apple transported me to that space in time.

the meaning of life

when i was a kid i never understood why my grandparents would get all dressed up when they went to school plays my siblings and i were in. i recognized that they loved us and wanted to be at our performances, but at the time i did not understand why this was so important for them.
now that im older and hopefully wiser, i understand. life is crazy and the most important things in life are the joys one has from one's friends and family. this is why they had honored me and my siblings so much. they knew that the joy we gave them was so important.
one doesnt have to be a parent or a grandparent to experience this. one can shep nachas from one's nieces or nephews, or by being there for one's friends. its the human connections that gives people reason to stay alive.
life would be difficult if it had to be done entirely solo. ones family and family of friends add joy to ones mundane existence.
my grandparents knew this.
and so do i .

beloved memories

my grandmother passed away seven years ago. as im writing this, i can barely believe it. its been seven years. seven years since ive seen my grandmother.
my grandmother was an amazing person. as a senior citizen she used to organize trips for seniors. she took them all over the united states.
grandma got married at 29 which in those days was like 39. she also travelled in her single days . my mom has an incredible photo album with photos from those trips . my favorite photos are of her and her friends in niagra falls on the maid of the mist. instead of those plastic cheapo raincoats they use now, they wore real raincoats . of course i really love these photos because i went to niagra falls with a group of my friends.
i miss the unconditional love that only a grandparent can bestow. i mourn the passing on of a generation. i miss my grandmother's hearty laugh.
because my grandmother was single and then a young widow, she worked various jobs whereas my mom never worked. grandma was a great person to commiserate with about work issues.
of course , i remember how when i was small grandma would sit on the floor and play kiddy games with me.
grandma didnt have the simplest life, but she always had a good attitude. though she was old you could speak to her about anything.
though my grandmother lives on in my memories, i miss not being able to see her in real life. i cant believe its been seven years

mother's day

tomorrow is mother's day. of course mother's day is always the day i hope and pray that by next mother's day i will be married and at least be on my way to becoming a mother. since my mom lives outside of new york i dont spend the requisite mother's day with mom, but i do call her. alot of frummies say that "mother's day is everyday", but to me that's a cop out. dah! mother's day is everyday, but that's not the point. mother's day is so people will reminded to respect one's mother, not literally that mother's day is the only day to honor one's parents. for a people that prides ourselves on looking deeper in to something and not taking something at face value i find this sentiment a bit too literal. this is a positive secular holiday!!
when i was growing up my mom used to buy mother's day and father's day gifts even for aunts and uncles who did not have children. at this point in my life i find this quite profound.
i plan on spending this mother's day with my friend who just lost her mom and try to cheer her up.

picture perfect

i've started reading the red leather diary which is proving to be alot of fun. one thing that i am truly enjoying is the old photos of the diarist . the photos are just amazing. the subjects really spring to life. one can hardly believe that florence wolfson, the young diarist is now 92 and many of youthful her friends pictured in this book are now quite elderly or possibly deceased. one can practically touch the youth captured in these photos. its surreal.
several years ago i visited great aunt of mine , who happened to be 92 at the time, and we flipped through her old photo albums. it was such a special evening. the pictures seemed so ancient, yet watching my great aunt recall the lives of those photographed truly brought those people to life.
my great aunt had a newspaper clipping with a picture of her and her friend. it was summertime.my great aunt was about 31 when the photo was taken. my great aunt told me that the reason that the photo was in the newspaper was because the photographer thought that she and her friend were beautiful. and they were (im not biased!) reading the red leather diary, and especially looking at its photos made me remember that evening .