Meanwhile Years Later

      Things often aren't what one thinks . When I was a kid in school there was a boy a few years older than I was who I thought had a really cool name and came from a pretty frum family. While I still think that his name was really cool,  I realize that he had a more sordid family background than one might think. He had several siblings who went off the derech in radical ways and a brother who I had heard had been in a bad car accident who I found  out years later had really committed suicide. Its always sad when the bubble of illusion is burst and all that is left is cold harsh reality. As a kid you think that everyone you know has it easier than you do and then you find out years later that they really , really did not. Funny how that is.

summer blues

when i was a kid i loved summer. summer meant freedom . summer meant fun. now summer means airless subway stations, not quite cool enough shabbos meals , and even frizzier curls.

as an adult summer really loses its previous esteem. i think that two and a half school-less, jobless months cancels out the heat and humidity. tell me again what the advantages of being an adult are?

family dinners

one of my fondest memories growing up was of my family eating dinner together. we weren't formal and they weren't prolific. i cant even remember what kind of conversations we had. i just remember that they were nice. they ended a long time ago. they ended when i went to high school and got home later than my other siblings. they would eat before i got home and i would eat by myself. i guess i must have eaten with my mom because she must have served me.

once i was in high school family dinners were just on shabbos. it wasn't the same as when it had been an everyday event, but they were still in effect .

once i graduated high school it was all over. i spent a year in israel and then i emigrated to new york.

time marches on and you barely have time to remember the details of childhood and then one day you do and you realize not only they are gone but they are long gone. they are just a glimmer in your mind's eye.