Anger

      You really don't know someone until you piss them off. Some people have acceptable anger ratings and others are off the charts. When I'm dating someone I don't go out of my way to get them angry but I don't mind when they do because then I get to find out what they are like when they get angry.

true nature

there are three ways to know someone's true nature- b'keeso, b'koso  and b'kasso- in one's pocket (how they spend)  when they drink and when they are angry. i have one more way. when one is startled.
recently  one of my co- workers  was in a room. lets call her allison. allison is catholic. another co-worker, lets call her cindy, is jewish and russian. cindy walks into the room allison is in. allison did not notice that cindy walked into the room. suddenly allison yells at her for startling her and calls her and f-ing jew. the funny thing about it is usually cindy is teased for being russian and not at all for being jewish. in fact her jewishness never comes up as she is just a two day a year jew. this is why allison's comment was so odd. then again was it really so odd?  perhaps on a subconscious level allison really does think of cindy more as being jewish than as russian even though she never expresses it verbally. after this event allison was very embarrassed. although this was what came out her mouth she never meant to verbalize it. i know allison and she would not strike anyone as someone who would call someone a  f-ing jew or refer to any one's religion when she speaks to them. apparently it is on her mind on some level. cindy wasn't offended because she believes that allison only called her an f-ing jew because she was startled. i agree . i also think that on some level allison is thinking of cindy as  a jew more than she is thinking of her as  russian.
for me the incident with allison and cindy re- affirmed my belief that just people knowing you are frum makes them think of everything you do as something a frum person would do and not just something a person would do. it doesn't matter how outwardly frum one appears or whether one is charedi or  whether one is modern orthodox liberal. everyone knows you're shomer shabbos and they aren't forgetting it.
though i am far from perfect i try to internalize this adage and behave my best because i know this is the truth.

( not that i wouldnt behave properly otherwise! lol.)

vulnerablility

when one gets to know anyone one gets to know their vulnerabilities. this is a good thing as well as a frightening thing. it makes one realize how fragile we humans are and how easily we can hurt each other once we know each others weaknesses. we have to be careful to be sympathetic as opposed to callous.

in the workplace it can be a challenge. some hone in on others vulnerabilities and try to bring them down . its disgusting. i work with people who are a variety of ages and i see it all of the time. i have a supervisor who is sixty who bullies a twenty-something employee because she is sensitive and is young. it makes me ill. why bring someone else down ? so the person can feel suicidal? so the person will end up cold hearted because they cant take it anymore? so this person becomes verbally abusive as well?

i know someone who could be annoying and the first instinct is to be really nasty back. but i try to hold back if i can. this person is sensitive. i know that if i let loose this person would be totally crushed , so i try to find calmer words to confront this person. i know that this is a the better way. the truth is if someone yells at me i have been so desensitized that i don't give that someone any thought. i just figure they are crazy unless i know that i really did something wrong. then i might feel a little guilty. the truth is when someone raises their voice all i can hear is the anger, not their words.