Choices

     Sometimes certain things that happen in someones life are not a deliberate choice but more of a choice that happened because other choices were not made. I always feel that they aren't really choices. I would like more of my choices in life to be because I deliberately chose them instead of because I did not think about them enough or by default.  Not always an easy thing to do, but important to contemplate.

What Would You Choose?

     For those of you who grew up religious do you think you would choose to be frum on your own? It really is a hard question. I grew up religious and have siblings who are OTD so I would say that I have thought about staying frum but I never had the opportunity to decide to be suddenly be  frum while my family was not.
     I do think that there are different types of BT . There are those whose families were somewhat traditional and then they have decided to make the plunge toward greater observance. There are others who come from a family who did very little religiously and now they are frum.
      I think that there is a difference between BTs who go the charedi route and BTs that go the MO route. I think that BTs don't always blend in as well to the yeshiva world and that their sincerity is held with greater suspispicion than those who become frum in  the MO world. This is not because a BT has changed less in the MO world, it is just that from my experience anyone a little different is more accepted in the MO world. When you are keeping shabbos and kosher that in itself is a huge lifestyle change regardless of how much or little ones outer appearance has changed.
       I would like to think that I would have chosen to be frum had my family not been frum, but its hard to really know what I would have done because I never was in that situation.

Growth

    Some people turn 20 and they immediately meet their bashert. By the time they are 30 they have four kids , a house  and a great job. Well as you know I am not describing myself. While I would love to have all these things even at this stage of the game, not attaining these ideals has forced me to find happiness in other ideals. It made me realize that even if I never get what everyone is supposed to want I can still be happy. This does not mean I have given up it just means that I am not depressed all of the time because I  single .
     The real test is when  one learns to appreciate life within whatever lot one is given . Its easy to be happy with one's lot when things come easy. I am not suggesting making life harder for one's self to get a bigger reward, just saying  that the bigger the struggle the bigger the payoff.

       When one has trials one is forced to re-examine life in order to appreciate life. It is a bigger test  to have an easy time in life and to really appreciate things even though it was not difficult to receive life's blessings. This of course is the test I would like to have but unfortunately not the one I always have.

choices

      Everyone has a different path .  Some things we choose, some are chosen by default.  Some choices are irrevocable.  Be careful what you choose, but don't be too afraid of mistakes.  The worst part of life is the things we can't change from default, not the mistakes we have made by choosing .

its about the journey....

failure is not striving for something and not achieving. failure is focusing on a specific goal and being disappointed when its unreachable. life is about the journey. its not about where you have or havent been.its about the route one is opting to take. this is so hard to internalize. logically this is a good thing . try to be the best one can be, but it doesnt matter if one accomplishes all ones dreams, just if one tries to . i feel better already....