The Bar Mitzvah Project

     A big tradition among reform  and conservative Jews is their bar/bat  mitzvah project. Often when I read about their mitzvah projects I wonder if a kid could do the listed project on their own. Among some of the projects that I admire because it looks like the kid could really do them is of a kid who with his mom worked at a Jewish food pantry for poor people, a girl who with her friends made quilts and then donated them to the poor. My new favorite project is of a boy named Ari Blumberg in Dallas who made and  donated special toiletry bags to a hospital  for chemo patients. I saw this posted on facebook by a woman who was the recipient of one of these bags. This is a simple act that generated so much joy .
     Of course this is the essense of life. Its not just the grand gestures that makes the world a better place. Its the little things that when we choose to do them the world becomes a kinder space.

returning lost objects

     Hashavas Aveida - returning lost objects - is not an easy mitzvah. It appears simple though. You find and object that you know must belong to someone and you realize that it should be returned, but it can be a pain in the neck to post signs and possibly receive crank calls from weirdos all because you are trying to do the right thing. Gee, I must sound like a horrible person.
      I found some keys next to the elevator on my floor in my apartment building. Judging from the shapes of the keys I could tell that whoever the keys belonged to had to be living in my apartment building. Judging by the mini cards on the key chain I knew that the person must have been an older woman.
     When I first spotted the keys I thought that they may have been mine, but after a moment I realized my keys were in my pocketbook so the lost keys were not mine. For a split second I thought about leaving them where they are, but when I imagined myself  in the same situation I opted to post a note in the elevator and in the lobby about the keys. Within 45 minutes of posting my note the owner was found- an older woman who lives on my floor.
      I wish that I did not have to  say that my lazy self almost prevented me from performing this mitzvah, but fortunately my lazy self did not win and the object was  returned to its owner. Once again the yetzer harah was defeated and good prevailed.
   

the value of a mitzvah.

do you think that there is value in each and every mitzvah a person does, or is it the sum total that is important?

i believe that every mitzvah a person does has value no matter how many or few.

i think that every mitzvah a person does scores "points" with the one above. some of us may do more mitzvos than others, but it does not mean that if someone does fewer mitzvos that those they perform do not count. in a way they count more because it may be more difficult for them to actually do those they actually do.

judaism is not all or nothing. the torah is broken down into 613 mitzvos instead of being just one chunk for a reason. i believe that it is because it would be too overwhelming to be tackled all in one shot . its much easier to achieve total observance bit by bit  (mitzvah by mitzvah).

Watch this.... You will definitely share this......mp4

i love this video. it displays the true meaning of mitzvah goreret mitzvah. if only we could clearly see the effects of kindness as this video does. if only people were always this kind.

restrictions

when i think about people who are really strict about their year of avelus for a parent i think that its a miracle that we don't hear about more suicides . some people wont get together in large groups . they wont watch tv or listen to recorded music at home. now if one doesnt watch tv or recorded music anyway its no big deal. if one is anti-social ,then being completely withdrawing from society is a welcome mitzvah.

according to maurice lamm in the jewish way in death and mourning the prohibition of joining in joyful occasions during avelus really refers to going to the meal at a religious event such as a wedding, bar mitzvah or bris. some people have extended this to all public get togethers and according to him this is what people have accepted upon themselves. well, i wonder who provides the prozac(oh thats assur too) ? not attending a wedding , bris or bar mitzvah isn't as bad of a restriction. there are ways to get around this as well. one can even get around this restriction by having a job at the simchah. weddings , a bar mitzvah or a bris are very public expressions of simchah so i understand why they are prohibited. not getting together in groups for any social occasion is another issue. im single. i live by myself. when im sad i NEED to be with others to help me get out of my sadness. to prohibit me from being social is like saying " you are sad and you dare not feel better for a year". it may take a year to feel better after losing a parent . one also might not feel so social anyway. my problem is mandating these "rules" instead of letting a person see how it goes. the depth of feelings one feels after losing a parent is more intense than one can imagine. if i would feel as intensely sad as i did during shivah it would be dangerous to my health. now that i am back in new york and have gotten together with my friends i feel alot better. just because one is trying to get out of deep pain and loss doesn't mean one has forgotten what has happened. it just means one is not a suicide risk.

the biggest issur during avelus is live music, because it has such a power to uplift someone. great. again , just push me over the edge of a cliff why dont you ? truthfully, i dont really go to so many concerts . i go to the jewish music cafe in park slope a few times a year and the summer concerts in brighton beach. the summer concerts in brighton beach are amazing. i will miss them this year if i have the strength to resist. we will see.

when one is single one is allowed to attend singles functions, parties, date , etc. even if there is live music. so i guess if i really want to be creative i could consider the concerts in brighton beach a singles event. LOTS of singles are there. i may be pushing the envelope , but my need for things being normal again is great. true singles events aren't that enjoyable anyway.

if i were a man i would be saying kaddish everyday for eleven months. though it is a pain to do im sure, i can see its function. it is also an action one is doing to memorialize the deceased as opposed to another restriction. some people take on another mitzvah to remember the deceased . this is more meaningful to me. i have to think of a mitzvah to take on that i think i will be able to be consistent about.

in my opinion remembering the deceased, reconciling the fact that one's relationship with them is now in the past. being able to return to living in the present is the idea of avelus. being able to move on and not being paralyzed by the pain is an important part of mourning. from what i can see this is not a part of the jewish tradition of avelus. too bad. it should be.