Shavua Tov

     Sometimes seeing all the happy families together can be depressing. I almost felt that way this yom tov. I say almost because halfway through my pity party at shul I saw the other side of someone I envied. Someone who seems perfect and seems to have the perfect life is not so perfect. One of her angelic children was acting not so angelic and she was not so angelic toward that child. That was all I needed. I am no longer envious of her . I still would like to have a family but I am no longer envious of hers . I am embarrassed to say that sometimes when I actually see that someone else's life is not as wonderful as I once thought, I feel better. I wish that I could just say that I saw all of the happy families around me at shul and still felt content with what Hashem has given me without just feeling better about my lot because I was given proof that someone else does not have it as good as I had thought they had. 

Happiness

      Robin Williams had a lot of fame and fortune and yet he still suffered from mental illness and committed suicide. Wealth, fame and fortune do not necessarily prevent one from being depressed. We all think it might , but it does not. One can be poor and live a really enjoyable and fulfilling life. It is so sad that a man who was able to lift the spirits of others was not able to lift his own .
     
       

Life is Strange

     The other day I was trolling facebook and looking up acquaintances. I saw the picture of someone I knew  a long time ago. I thought she was happily married. Lo and behold she has an open profile and I see a recent picture of her having a divorce party.
      Who needs tabloids like the National Enquirer? Juicy gossip is all over facebook. Then again, some things are better left unknown. My friend who is now divorced got married young to a guy who loved her even though she was very heavy. His mom was very heavy so he liked big women. I had always thought that this was so sweet. When I saw them together there was so much love. It helped me believe that men have different views on who they find attractive . Then again they had been married for many years and have a daughter. I don't know what really happened. Then again, sometimes its comforting to know that even when you think someone has a perfect life maybe it isn't perfect after all. Sometimes things start out great and then things don't always continue that way. I sadly admit that sometimes misery does like company, if maybe just a little bit.
       
     
       

Life in a nutshell

I could not have said it better myself. I for one try to stay far away from those who have a talent for sucking the joy out of life.

eat drink and be merry

some people like to say that life is short so they will live each day like its their last. im all for maximizing one's life, but id find it depressing to always feel as though the curtain of death is just a few winks away.

i think that it is important to make sure you tell your loved ones often how much you love and cherish them.

lastly, one should fill one's life with friends who help uplift one's life. and in general try to consciously appreciate all of life's blessings

all the single people

according to the new york post this morning manhattan's percentage of single people is higher than any other city's in the united states. the average age of a first marriage for a woman in the u.s. is 25.6 and the average for a man is 27.7. the average age for a first marriage of a man or a woman in manhattan is between 30 and 34. the percentage of manhattanites who live alone is a little over fifty percent. the percentage of the manhattan population that has never married is fifty percent. no wonder im single! i work in manhattan.
i have ranted endlessly for years about how awful it is that all the frum singles come to new york , especially manhattan to find their basherts because nyc is a singles society. now it is in print. i didn't have to read the truth to know what it is. but it sure feels good to be validated. we are all affected by our surroundings whether we admit it or not. if you want to see the answer to the "single's crisis" look no further than the skyscraper next door.

the crying game

im a very sensitive person. sometimes im overcome by emotion and i actually cry. its quite embarrassing. the worst time to cry is at work. sometimes im really angry but instead of shouting, tears flow . i know that im not the only work crier. ive seen others cry at work. work crying really sucks. you think you are in control , but then you cry. because work is stressful its hard to stop that crying once its begun. ive read in some women's magazines that crying at work is a big no-no. well duh! no one actually wants to cry at work. it just happens.
nyc is a tough place for a crier to live. people who drive everywhere can cry in their cars when overcome by emotion. in new york when one has a crappy day one can cry publicly on the subway platform. mostly people just ignore the crier. hell , its new york. watching someone cry is the least weird thing one hopes will happen on the subway platform. its still quite embarrassing. occasionally a sympathetic soul has offered me a tissue. that's always nice. fortunately they never have asked me why i was crying. too personal. the tissue gifter doesn't want to know and frankly sometimes talking about why im crying makes me want to cry more.
as much as im embarrassed that im a crier, i do believe that its better than ignoring my feelings altogether. one cant confront ones issues of sadness if one cant admit one is sad.
that said, im equally able to laugh as to cry, so it cant be all bad.

happy birthday to me

it was my birthday today. alot has happened between this birthday and last birthday. im definitely in a much better place this year than i was last year. this actual birthday was alot better than last year's . my last actual birthday was a downer, but thankfully it was not a sign of what was yet to come.
birthdays always make me ruminate about the things ive accomplished in life versus the things id like to achieve. i often get stuck on the things ive yet to achieve. i guess its human nature. if i was a more competitive person this might challenge me, instead im often immobilized by it. the thing is, having things to look forward to means one is still alive. this is always a good thing. life truly is a state of renovation and reinvention. stagnation is death. thus i try the best i can to muddle through and be positive.
on my birthday i am always grateful for my close friends and for my family who without them i would not be able to survive. life is such a gift and i try to savor every moment. no matter how old i may think i am now i know that thirty years from now i will look at pictures of myself from today and wish i looked as i do now.

musical moments

for awhile i wasnt listening to the radio or any of the many cds i own. not consciously. i just wasnt. last week i made a conscious effort to get back in to it. and i actually bought a new mp3 player, a sansa fuze to be exact. its definitely the bee's knees. i love it. the sound is incredible. my soul is uplifted. being a little technologically disabled, i still have a few kinks to iron out before i can fully enjoy all of the features of my new purchase. im confident that im up for the challenge. meanwhile i already have 210 songs on my new mp3 player. life is good.