Snow Days

The snow has visited New York City more times than I can count this winter. Usually I am in such a hurry that I don't get a chance to photograph the weather. Not this year. This year I have been able to snap some snow photos.Now that I am flipping through the photo files I realize how pretty the snow is. The snow kind of makes Brooklyn look like a sleepy town when snow blankets  the streets. How deceptive. 

Last Night Of Ballyhoo

      The Last Night Of Ballyhoo is a charming play about southern Jews vs the New York Jew. Concisely, every year in the south there would be a Jewish dance . One of the attendees was a New York Jew. In the south the Jews were much more assimilated than the New York Jew. The play is set in 1939 Atlanta.
       I thought about this play recently because I am from the midwest  and I have lived in New York for a long time. It is still true that New York Jews are different than Jews elsewhere in the United States. It is a long time since 1939 , but I think that a lot is the same. Many New York Jews are more assimilated than they were in 1939 but there is still a large contingency of New York Jews who consider themselves cultural Jews. They may not be too ritually observant but they still have a big Jewish identity. A lot of people who are secular Jews have told me that they feel like an outsider when they are not living in the New York area because there are much smaller Jewish communities and the secular or less ritually observant Jews have less of a cultural Jewish identity than they do.
       There most certainly is Jewish life outside of the New York area, but it is a lot different because the communities are smaller. You have to seek out Judaism more rather than just being a part of it when you are in New York. In New York many gentiles know more about Judaism than some reform and conservative Jews elsewhere.
       There is one thing that Jews outside of New York know better though.They know anti-semitism is still alive  and they act accordingly. In New York you know its here, but there are so many Jewish people here you don't think about it. When you don't live in New York you live in a smaller community you are a vital part of the community and people know you by your first name because there aren't so many in the community. In New York you barely know the people who live across the street from you.
       

out of towner

     I have lived in New York for more years than I would like to admit to but I still consider myself an out of towner. Some of my friends find this funny because I have lived in New York longer than I have lived outside of New York. They just don't understand. When someone is Israeli , even if they have lived in the United States longer than they had in Israel we still call them Israeli. When someone came to the United states from Russia as a child and they still  have the accent we call them Russian.                                                                                                                                                When people meet me  especially Brooklynites, they always ask me where I am from even after I have told them that I live in Midwood. My accent betrays me. My outlook on life has been shaped by the place I spent my formative years. Its not that New York hasn't changed me, it has. I am single and child free. My family does not live near me. I have friends, but not roots in New York. To me New York is a place, not a home.

     I do not plan on moving to Israel as a single person, but I might consider it if I married someone who has family in Israel. When I  have been in Israel it did seem like home. I felt homesick for my family when I was there, but I did feel at home there. If I made aliyah I would call myself an Israeli.
     Israel would feel like home in a way New York never has.

being courteous

people often comment about how they love new yorkers who say what they feel without any filter. they feel like they are being "real" . well i for one would prefer "fake" to real if beastliness is considered honest. new yorkers love bargains as well and it doesn't cost anything to be courteous.
its better to be "fake" nice if it doesn't hurt another person's feelings in the process.

about a city

when i lived in the midwest  the city i lived in was more of a backdrop. my focus  was on my friends and family . when i moved to new york it all changed. new york city takes on a life form . new york  is like a selfish younger sibling demanding all of your attention. sometimes you have to leave "the city" not just to get away but to get away from all of the new yorkness.

im running as fast as i can

new york is such a fast paced city. everyone is running from one engagement to another . if you cant keep up with this fast paced beat you are considered a loser. if you actually get seven hours of sleep each night you are so boring. to stay home on a sunday and relax is the ultimate no-no. tell me again what is wrong with trying to sit back and catch one's breath every so often? no wonder why i feel like im ready to retire.

pet peeves

one of my biggest pet peeves occurs  at sinks that are  located in  public restrooms. it bugs the heck out of me when someone washes their hands at a sink and then lifts their hands and shakes off the water before drying them. invariably i am the one who gets their post hand washing water on me after their big shake. i don't want to be included in their hand washing. if you have to do the wet hand shake keep your hands low in the sink when you do it so you don't splash anyone!
another pet peeve of mine happens (big surprise!) on the subway . the new subway cars are one long bench instead of having indentations  that separate the benches into separate seats. many people didn't like the old benches because some people were too fat for them . i say lose some weight! with these new benches there is always some joker trying to put her purse between you and them when you are sitting next to them. it wouldn't be so bad if there was a lot of room. but usually it means that there is less room and you get to squeeze against them and their bag . if they didn't put it there you would have a comfortable amount of space to sit and it wouldn't be big enough for  another person to squeeze between the two of  you.

the pesach palate

when i was growing up in the midwest the kosher l'pesach aisles in the supermarkets were much larger than they are now . here in the new york area there is quite an abundance of kosher l'pesach items packaged items that you can't even imagine that there is so much less elsewhere. last year my mom could barely find kosher l'pesach cake mixes . here in brooklyn glatt mart , mountain fruit and pomegranate are bursting with them.

dont get me started with hand shmurah matzah! growing up we used to have to order hand shmurah matzah from another city. by the time it got to us many of the matzas were broken. before 9/11 i used to buy hand shmurah matzah in brooklyn and shlep it on the plane when i would visit my parents for pesach. very few matzas were broken. i wasnt the only one shlepping matzah either! after 9/11 they reduced the amount of carry on bags you could take on a plane ride, so i stopped exporting new york hand shmurah matzahs to the midwest.

i plan on roughing it in the midwest this pesach, but for those of you who are spending the holiday in the new york area, please make an effort to appreciate all of the kosher l'pesach amenities you are so fortunate to have.

the addams family

i loved the addams family movies and more recently have seen some of the original addams family tv show on dvd. they are so witty even in this century.

the addams family was based on the macabre drawings of charles samuel addams. currently there is an exhibit of his work at the museum of the city of new york. its truly amazing. in addition to being the creator of the addams family, he was also a cartoonist for new yorker magazine. this exhibit includes much of his new yorker work , his addams family work as well as his general slice of life in new york city work. he made the mundane a satire. his work is as sharp today as it was in the 1930's when he started working at the new yorker. new york is still the same. people are still the same. if you live in the new york area i highly recommend this exhibit.

the frum singles community

as a frum single i have never felt a part of the community at large. i live in midwood, but that's about it. the more i think about it the more i realize that this is not true. im not part of the greater frum community of brooklyn , but i am a member of the frum singles community of the new york . not exactly the community i would have chosen, but its my community nonetheless.

because the orthodox community is really the smug marrieds community i will never in my current state mesh. i will however fit seamlessly in the frum singles community.

the frum singles community is full of never marrieds , divorced and a few widowed. the most frightening part is how i know so many members of this community and yet i am still single. as the saying goes its not how many you know its who you know. quality over quantity. and let me tell you my community has lots of quantity but is lacking in quality.

some people will never leave my community because they are too scared , too mentally challenged , too comfortable or are having too much comfortable fun. i hope i will be one of those fortunate enough to leave this smothering busybody community of singles and actually get married. of course when i leave the singles community there will be plenty more bloodsucking busybodies who are married to make me feel at home, but i still would like to have the opportunity to reach the next step.

the problem is that ive been a singleton for so long that im not sure that i would really fit into the smug marrieds community even if i would be married. ive been through too much that they just take for granted. and given my age, it will be harder for me to achieve some of those cherished rites of the general smug marrieds society. i still would like to get married, but i know that even being married wont be the golden ticket to being accepted .

i suppose the best would be to create a frum community where everyone could be accepted regardless of marital status. i know that this is expecting too much, but it would be nice.

weather or not?

according to the weather forecast there is supposed to be a major blizzard in new york tomorrow. as usual im in denial. the weather people love to hype this stuff up. the only thing is, what if they are right? then of course there is the question of whether i should go to work. if its already heavy snow and if they are still predicting a foot of snow at six a.m. tomorrow morning then its a no brainer. ill stay home. if there is no snow on the ground tomorrow morning at six a.m. then its also a no brainer. ill go to work. if i get to the train station tomorrow and the train isn't running then i know im not going anywhere. it only gets tricky if i go to work and then the weather gets horrific before quitting time.

the thing is, its kind of nice being at work when its snowy weather because there are less clients . its easy money. of course its only pleasant if i believe i wont be stranded at the seventh avenue train station and have to attempt walking home.

what to do? what to do ? major snowstorms used to only occur on fridays when i used to work on fridays. now that i don't work on fridays .... well you catch my (snow) drift...

all the single people

according to the new york post this morning manhattan's percentage of single people is higher than any other city's in the united states. the average age of a first marriage for a woman in the u.s. is 25.6 and the average for a man is 27.7. the average age for a first marriage of a man or a woman in manhattan is between 30 and 34. the percentage of manhattanites who live alone is a little over fifty percent. the percentage of the manhattan population that has never married is fifty percent. no wonder im single! i work in manhattan.
i have ranted endlessly for years about how awful it is that all the frum singles come to new york , especially manhattan to find their basherts because nyc is a singles society. now it is in print. i didn't have to read the truth to know what it is. but it sure feels good to be validated. we are all affected by our surroundings whether we admit it or not. if you want to see the answer to the "single's crisis" look no further than the skyscraper next door.

nature

the past few sundays i have spent walking through the nature of upstate new york as well as the nature in the urban jungle of nyc. i feel lucky that we have had some beautiful weather to facilitate such enjoyment. it has been so good for my soul. i really need to spend more time with nature.

as time marches on

i havent lived with my parents since i was a month shy of 18. i remember being a kid and living with them but to be honest its but a distant memory. whenever i meet adults my age who still live with their parents i always wonder WHY? granted, im originally from the midwest, and moving to new york is a rite of passage for frum young adults who want to marry someone frum, but even so i think that by the time i would have graduated college and started working i would have moved out of my parents house even if i would have been a native new yorker. as frustrated as i am about being single, i am always comforted by the fact that at least i am capable of independence. i have my own apartment and i can afford to support myself. if i lived with my parents i would feel like i was just waiting for my adult life to begin. some people who live with their parents are independent, many are not. some wait far too long to move out until their parents are too old and then they cant leave them.
many singles past a certain age dont want to date men who were never married. im not so particular. i just want someone who can take care of himself.

look to the cookie

in new york there is a cookie called a black and white. black and whites have a vanilla chewy cupcake like consistency and are round and flat. on this round , flat cookie is half white icing and half chocolate icing. in one episode seinfeld has a great line about the symbolism of the black and white cookie. he says "look to the cookie" as a symbol of racial harmony. hmmm.
can there be wisdom to be gained from other cookies? perhaps there is wisdom in a chinese fortune cookie? now if you knew me in person you would know that i dont believe in horoscopes , segulahs, mood rings , four leafed clovers or other such hocus pocus , but do bear with me. i dont mean that i think the fortune in the fortune cookie is viable, but is there a reason one is reading the particular fortune cookie message at that particular time? it could be a totally bogus coincidence, but it also might not be. i recently opened a fortune cookie with a message that i think is very true and there probably is a very good reason i got that message. my message was " a good friendship is often more important than a passionate romance." or if you ask me , there definitely aint going to be any romance without a good friendship. i would actually go as far as saying, that if i had a choice between good friendship or romance i would choose good friendship because good friendship can turn into romance, but romance without good friendship is not even worth the gas emitted from cholent beans.

rock the vote

yes i admit that for someone who didnt even realize that there was going to be an election until last week that 'rock the vote' is quite an interesting title for this post! no matter. i might not have realized that there was going to be an election, but that does not mean that i dont think that it is important to vote.
i voted this morning at my most favorite time - 6:30 a.m. this is before work. i don't like having to stand in line to vote and usually if you vote this early in the morning there is not a line.
when i grow up i want to be one of those senior citizens who work at the polling centers. they look like they are having so much fun .
i used to go to the polls at 6:00 a.m. when they allegedly open. no more. at 6:00 a.m. the employed seniors are just trying to remember what the procedures are. i could vote that early but im not too confident my vote will actually count at that hour. by 6:30 everything is usually up and running so i feel safe to vote.
i don't know about you , but i always seem to misplace the orange or yellow postcard which tells me which election district i am in. i usually have to look up my voter registration online. i always remember where im supposed to vote. when i asked the senior at the polling center which area of the building i needed to go to to vote she told me that she thought i was in the wrong polling center. but of course. eventually i found the correct area to go to . i knew i was in the right place because i saw the same senior from last year manning the election booth.
i love the fact that new york still has the old fashioned voting booths. they are so cool. no chads to deal with either. its also good because this way the seniors who run the polls don't have to deal with any new fangled technology.
there is always so much drama during the voting process that i almost forget to find out who won!

new york state of mind

living in new york is a weird experience. when i lived in the midwest no one would revel in living in the midwest or talk about the midwest like an actual being. in new york, new york is a being. its a topic . sometimes its nice to leave new york because one does not have to constantly hear people speak about new york and new yorkers. its a very egocentric existence. its almost as if new york is a country instead of a state.
after 9/11 people would talk about the devastation as if it it only affected new york and new yorkers. a major part of the devastation happend here , but it really happend to the united states not just to new york city and the tri-state area.

elections?

im embarrassed to be asking this question, but heck, im going to ask anyway. are the new york mayorial elections really on november 3 ? ive been busy recovering from yom tov that ive completely forgotten about it. i know bloomberg is running, but who is the other candidate? attention nyc readers, please help me out with this one!!!

SCREAMING MIMIS!!!

one thing i can never get used to is the propensity of many frum jewish families in new york who yell at each other non-stop. its not that they are always angry with each other, its just their normal mode of speaking. being originally from the midwest, it makes me feel like my blood pressure is rising just listening to them.
i used to go to a few screaming mimi families for shabbos. no more. they were nice sincere people, but by the time i left their homes i would be shaking from the high decibel level of their voices.
at work there are a few screaming mimis. for the most part i try to tune them out ( not very easy) but when things naturally get stressful it becomes harder to tune them out.
just today a screaming mimi was shouting for me with the intensity of a 9/11 firefighter on the 88th floor of the world trade center. of course screaming mimis are like peter and the wolf. they are always crying wolf . when confronted they never realize that their decibel level is capable of upping their co-workers blood pressure medication . i keep hoping screaming mimi gets a severe case of laryngitis asap . if not, im going to have to invest in a good pair of earplugs soon!

UHO

when i was walking down fifth avenue today a black man approached me and asked me for tzedakah . yes, and he used the word tzedakah. then he said to me " come on, just put some money in the pushkah. its a mitzvah. its a mitzvah." i burst out laughing . it was the funniest thing ive ever heard. he was one of those dudes from the united homeless organization who position themselves all over manhattan with their plastic jugs that say UHO. as i was laughing the man continued to say that he does his research, he knows his people. i usually dont pay much attention to these beggars, but he was so original i just had to. i even gave him a dollar. i wish id taken his photo. too bad. even without a picture this episode is forever etched in my memory as one of those "only in new york" moments.