the "a" word

i have always wanted to be a mother. even as a kid i always thought that if i couldn't have a child biologically that i would most certainly adopt a child. 

though i know many frum couples who have opted for adoption when they were unable to have a biological child i have yet to see any mention of the possibility of adoption on any frum dating website. i  know that there is  a "willing to adopt " box on e harmony .com,  so i know that there is at least one dating website that includes this "radical" option. obviously it is optimal to have a biological child , but what is wrong with putting it out there that one is willing to adopt ? nothing on frumster prevents anyone from writing this on their profile but i haven't noticed anyone who has listed this option. including myself. i suppose i should . but it is a shame that willing to adopt is not an automatic question in the multiple choice section of one's frumster profile. 

suddenly goyish.

i have a friend who always had thought she was jewish because her father was jewish until one day she found out that orthodox jews only go by matralineal descent. so she converted to judaism and became orthodox. i always wondered what someone in this situation feels. my friends mom wasn't alive when she came across this information. all of her family at the time was jewish. they weren't orthodox, but they were jewish.

what would you do if you found out you weren't really jewish? as a kid my first thought was that i would leave judaism. as an adult i realize that my answer is quite different. if i wasn't jewish i certainly would not be christian. christianity seems like b.s. to me. especially after a lifetime of judaism i could not even contemplate being a christian. islam is anti-woman and pro-suicide bombing so that religion would be out as well. i suppose i would consider becoming a member of the "i just believe in being a good person " religion that many secular jews believe in .

the thing is if i found out that i wasn't jewish but the rest of my family was jewish (as they are now) i would find it hard not to be jewish anymore. being jewish is so much a part of my life. the thing is , if i found out i wasn't really jewish as in i was adopted as a baby i would like to think that i would choose judaism. maybe this is because if i would adopt a child i would hope that they would want to be jewish. but on the other hand adoptive children usually want to become a part of their adoptive families lives which includes their religion. i think that unless i had a bad relationship with my adoptive family i would remain jewish. being jewish would be all i would know. and if i would be the same person i am now, i know that i enjoy being jewish and observing the holidays and the mitzvos .

still, its hard to really consider an answer because its hard to choose an answer to a question that isnt. im jewish . im not adopted. three of my grandparents and all of my great -grandparents were born in the shtetls of russia-poland. so whatever answer i might have to the "what would you do if you found out you weren't really jewish?" question are purely hypothetical.

and then she found me

i broke down and saw a movie during sefirah. i know its rationalizing, but i would watch tv at home so i dont see much difference in seeing a movie in an actual movie theater. i went by myself.
and then she found me is a movie about an woman who is 39 years old , recently married , and adopted. she also is jewish . conservadox would best describe her religiousity. she says brachos before eating.
as one might guess, this young woman, april (helen hunt) is her name, is trying to beat the clock and have a baby. somewhere along the line her marriage falls apart , but the desire for motherhood builds.
being a very hollywoodized type of scenario , of course april meets her birth mother who is bette midler. what is very interesting is that after viewing the movie, im still not sure if the bette midler character was supposed to be jewish. i find this curious since bette midler always plays such "jewish" parts.
though a bit hollywood formula, this film still packs a punch. both of april's love interests were buffoons, which explains why husband or no husband april wanted to try and become a mother.
matthew broderick's benjamin was so real to me it was scary. sadly, i think ive met quite a few men like him. colin firth's character was no better.
i think the film needed to be a little bit too hollywood in order to soften some the seriousness that was presented.
overall, i enjoyed this movie .
if you actually see this film remember to bring tissues.