Holiness

     I remember learning in school, probably for the benefit of those who did not come from frum homes that where a ba'al t'shuvah stood it is a holier place that someone who always was frum . When I thought about it at the time I was thinking in terms of someone who did not grow up religious and then became religious.
     After awhile though I wondered what the meaning of  ba'al t'shuvah really is. I think when we say someone who did not grow up shomer shabbat and then becomes shomer shabbat, by t'shuvah we just mean that they are returning to being frum, but not so much that they are doing t'shuvah for transgressing. If one did not really know what sins one was transgressing  being an unobservant Jew is actually t'shuvah  really necessary?
     I thought some more. There are others who grew up religious , went away from it and then became frum again. I think that this type of person is more under the category of a ba'al t'shuvah. They knew about halachah , went away from it and then they returned to observance. This is a high level, because when one returns one has truly elected observance .
      Those who grew up irreligious and then became observant Jews really lie under the category of being 'born again' Jews. I have heard this term for ba'alei t'shuvah before , not always with such positive connotations, but it is an appropriate title. When people are 'born again' they have a lot of fervor for what they believe as do people who finally find frumkeit after years of being 3 day a year Jews.
        Alas , years later  I was taught that really it is more difficult to stay religious than to have been a chozer b'tshuvah because one always stuck to it even without having tried whatever else was out there. Kind of like na'aseh v'nishmah. We will do and we will listen. It is quite admirable to remain religious with true kavanah without going out to sow one's wild oats.
       Then again no matter how one comes to or stays with observant Judaism it is holy in its own right so why do we need to label one person as holier than the other? Maybe that's the point. Its all how you look at it. Everyone is holier than everyone else depending on how you look at it.

What Would You Choose?

     For those of you who grew up religious do you think you would choose to be frum on your own? It really is a hard question. I grew up religious and have siblings who are OTD so I would say that I have thought about staying frum but I never had the opportunity to decide to be suddenly be  frum while my family was not.
     I do think that there are different types of BT . There are those whose families were somewhat traditional and then they have decided to make the plunge toward greater observance. There are others who come from a family who did very little religiously and now they are frum.
      I think that there is a difference between BTs who go the charedi route and BTs that go the MO route. I think that BTs don't always blend in as well to the yeshiva world and that their sincerity is held with greater suspispicion than those who become frum in  the MO world. This is not because a BT has changed less in the MO world, it is just that from my experience anyone a little different is more accepted in the MO world. When you are keeping shabbos and kosher that in itself is a huge lifestyle change regardless of how much or little ones outer appearance has changed.
       I would like to think that I would have chosen to be frum had my family not been frum, but its hard to really know what I would have done because I never was in that situation.