Baruch Dayan Emet

      Yesterday I went to the funeral of my  ex- friend. In a way I felt like a phony. I was sad that she had passed away , but I felt guilty for not visiting her in hospice more. I felt like I hadn't been close friends with her in several years so did I really have a right to be with others who really were close with her and visited her a lot more than I had ? If I did not run to see her  when she was still alive what right did I have to run to her funeral when she was no longer there to appreciate it ?
       In the end I am glad that I did attend the funeral. As many things in life this was one of those things one does not get a second chance for. It also gave me peace of mind for some of the thoughts that had been going through my head. Even if I was not as friendly with her recently as I had been years ago does not mean that I wished her this fate. I was allowed to be sad.
       A big theme for those who eulogized  was that they felt bad for not always "getting" who my friend was and that not everyone appreciated her. Apparently what I felt about her others who knew and loved her had experienced but loved her anyway.  Even for them it was not easy and it was so much on their minds that they mentioned this at her funeral. I guess that is the secret of life. You have to love people for who they are even when you know who they are.
       Its very interesting. My friend really was not herself for the past 6 months, but it still did not seem like she was gone. Now it feels final and really sad. I know that she is not in any pain anymore, but death is just so final. Baruch Dayan Emet. 

Shiva

     At the risk of sounding extremely depressed I present this post. A childhood friend's father passed away this week. It turns out that his yartzeit will be the day before my dad's. He was the same age my dad was when he died.
      Though a funeral may be held during a chag , shiva is observed after the holiday. This is something many people do not know. This is something that I know and will always remember, because my dad passed away during pesach three years ago. Its kind of like having extra shiva because though its not officially shiva, one is already in mourning. 

more funerals than weddings

     Sometimes people in movies attend weddings to meet members of the opposite sex ala The Wedding Crashers . Other times people go to funerals to meet members of the opposite sex. So far I have been more successful meeting men at weddings than at funerals/shiva.  I guess that's good. Unfortunately I know more people sitting shiva than having weddings. This my friends is the essence of the shidduch crisis. There are not enough weddings happening and more people are dying without facilitiating  love connections for grieving singles.

photos at a cemetery

many years ago my co-worker told me that he took photos of the cemetery that his father was buried in because he knew that he may not be able to visit the cemetery so often.

at the time my co-worker told me this i didn't think all that much about it either way. i didn't think it was weird yet i really didn't know what to think.

several years after my co-worker shared this , i saw photos that my family had taken of headstones in the shtetl before they left europe. it was actually kind of neat.

when my grandmother passed away nine years ago i took pictures of the headstones of my deceased relatives. surprisingly it did not seem odd. i saw the headstone of my beloved great-aunt who passed away when i was three years old. i realized that the reason i remembered her and her favorite pink housecoat bit i couldn't remember her face was because she passed away when i was so small.

being an avid photographer i wanted to take pictures of the cemetery my father was buried in but i didn't want to be disrespectful so this time i took photos with my cellphone camera. im glad i did. the day of the funeral was so beautiful. it made me think that my father must be resting in peace . my photos help me evoke this feeling as opposed to just sadness. it is indeed a brachah to be buried on a sunny day because it makes it easier for elderly friends and relatives to attend. if we believe someone can live od mayah v'esrim (until 120 yrs old) then there will surely be alot of elderly at the funeral. alas as in my poor father's case , he wasn't especially old, but there were many elderly friends and relatives who had an easier time paying their respects due to the pleasant weather.

p.s. this photo is just in the cemetery in general.