Favorite Questions

   One of my favorite question at singles events is the one when people ask if anyone actually meets at these things. Well  folks my answer is yes they do. Not all of the time, but some of the time. Sometimes people meet online and sometimes people get married from shadchanim but not always.
     I think that people like to put down singles events as a valid venue because they aren't always such fun to attend.
    Though we wish that there was one sure fire way to meet one's bashert, there is not.
     I can't say that I enjoy any of the venues for  possibly meeting my bashert, but I would like to meet him so I am willing to endure them. 

singles events

     There are always a few people who I meet who are still single or newly divorced who do not go to singles events because they  think that they are too frum for the crowd who attends. Another reason some people refuse to attend singles events is out of shyness. If one has never gone to one it can feel overwhelming to start attending them.
     When I started going to singles events I met many of the single more yeshivish guys that I had met on shidduch dates. This is when I realized that everyone goes to singles events past age thirty. I remember encouraging an acquaintance of mine to attend a shabbaton in midwood years ago. I knew the crowd and she would have found it appropriate frumkeit wise. She declined attendance because she was too shy.
     I do not understand why a shidduch date is considered more divine than a singles event or meeting someone online. A shidduch date might  be better if those setting up know all parties involved really well, otherwise its no better than meeting someone in a bar. Actually its worse. At least when you meet someone and it clicks you know there is that . If you get set up with a dud no one was making sure you will meet someone you might like  physically or spiritually and yet you have to spend the hour or so trying to converse with them.
     I still have not found a husband and I have attended singles events, met guys online and through shadchanim. I think that there are advantages and disadvantages to each method, but I think that it is important to try each method and work the system. Eventually something will work.

its not a set up

one really cant rely on others to find a zivug. a friend of mine recently started dating someone who is a an acquaintance . when i found out i actually felt bad that i hadn't thought of setting them up myself. i see them together now and i think that they make such a great couple . why hadn't i thought of it ? this is exactly why im so pro singles events, and dating sites . one can be pro-active. one doesn't have to rely on others to set them up. because frankly if you wouldn't try any direct venues of finding a match even one's best friend might not think of anyone for you even if they were standing right in front of them.

would u date a blogger?

the blogosphere can be a fun social outlet . but what if this fantasy outlet of ours became reality? what then ? would you consider dating a blogger?


you read a blogger's blog if they have one. you read a bloggers comments if they are only a commenter. you get to know them a little. but is this really who they are? you only get to know the part of them that appears online. unless a blogger has an honest photo of him or herself online, you only get to know them as through their words. their words might only be an act. then again , if you meet someone in real life their words may be just as oscar worthy .



i do prefer to keep my blogging life separate from my real life (yes, there is a difference), but interacting with blogging singles has taught me a thing or two. there are some weirdos out there, and some who are immature, but there are also alot of thoughtful and insightful bloggers out there. i may never meet any of them in real life, but its nice to know they exist on the blogoshpere.

REJECTS

i joined jdate and frumster a few years ago. back then i actually didnt mind when guys wrote me back that they weren't interested when i initiated contact with them. around that time my friend nancy mentioned that she found it disappointing when she received these types of rejection notices and that she didnt see the point of them. after all, if they dont write you back you kind of figure it out anyway, and you dont have to hear it directly. and you know what? nancy was right.
the other fun fact that i have found, is if i dont send a rejection notice to a guy i find slightly creepy and then he sends me hate mail because i had the nerve not to sent him a rejection letter, it was the best thing i could have done. you see, when he first contacted me i just wasnt interested, but when someone sends me hate mail, i know that he is psycho and has abandonment issues, and good riddance to him!
last year a man almost 20 yrs older than me who lived on the other side of the united states contacted me on one of the dating websites. i just thought it was a bit of a joke on his part to contact me anyway, because of the huge age difference as well as the fact that even if he had been younger, he was geographically undesirable. so i didnt respond. i had thought about sending him a rejection notice, but i was lazy and i didnt get around to it. also, i figured he'd figure it out by my not writing him back. anyway, months letter he writes me a really long letter . i think he was trying to analyse me (alot of people who actually are in therapy do this) but im not really sure. i deleted after the first sentence. anyway, im REALLY glad i wasnt interested. this idiot sent a nasty LETTER which i could have posted all over the internet and in every jewish paper, WITH his profile photo. but of course, i didnt care enough about him to do so.
a note from a member of a dating website is just that! its just a note! its not a date.
in the movie somethings got to give with jack nicholson and diane keaton, jack asks diane if she wants to go for a walk on the beach. she wasnt so sure. and he said to her "its just a walk on the beach . its not a marriage proposal!! "
when someone initiates contact with someone else on a dating website its JUST a note. its not a marriage proposal or even a date. yes, its mentschlach to write a them a rejection notice back, but if one doesnt its not the end of the world. actually , if im on the fence about whether im interested or not, i wait awhile before responding. if he sends me a nasty note about my not responding, i know he's not for me.

facebook vs blogging

at the constant urging of my friends, i joined facebook a few months ago. yes i know that im probably dating myself by admitting this. now i admit that i do enjoy playing scrabulous and scramble , but really its kind of silly. the only reason i joined was to have greater access to singles events. also, since the over 50 crowd usually isnt on facebook, they probably wont show up at singles event advertised on facebook.
blogs on the other hand are much more fun. its fun to see what people will post. its fun posting on my own blog. its just as fun to read the comments .
i prefer to spend time in real life with my friends who are on facebook, and to share virtual space with my virtual friends on the blogosphere.

when online dating remains online dating

i truly am a fan of trying to find a man via the internet dating websites, however sometimes i feel that alot of men(and im sure women do as well) like to prolong the online aspect of the relationship before graduating to actually talking on the phone or better yet actually meeting the other person. when i suggest a guy call me , he decides he might im a bit before making that all important phone call step. or bettter yet, me and said prospective internet love interest have already gone out several times, but said prospective internet love interest would still prefer to email ask me out instead of actually phoning me. and this preference isnt because he's too busy to call or doesnt own a phone, its because he's too nervous to speak directly to me lest he say the wrong thing. when you email each date invitation can be so well thought out that he will never say the wrong thing. i view online dating as a means to meeting someone in person, not as a way of gaining another im buddy or pen pal. sure its scary to ask someone out directly, or speak directly to get to know someone else, but its THE ONLY way to truly get to know someone. but we all know this. and yes i have asked these types of guys to phone me directly, but i truly am looking for someone who already knows that directly relating to someone is better than virtually getting to know them. online dating is only successful when it becomes in person dating and when it doesnt remain online dating.

cherished alone time

there is nothing more amazing than being up late at night , enjoying the solitude of no phone calls being recieved... too late to place a phone call... not too late to savor a good book.... view an uninterupted tv program... cruise dating websites solo .... bake a midnight snack.... oh the pleasures of the mundane.....so sweet .... cannnot forget not to take for granted....