Lazy

     I am always busy at work but I hate being told what to do. When I first started at my job my supervisor would always tell me do this, do that in her annoying way. I quickly realized if I just did everything I needed to do I would not have to hear her nagging. Some people would rather sit around and wait for you to tell them what to do and they don't mind being hounded. I suppose that they still do less work because sometimes it becomes tired to have to tell someone what to do all the time. I hate being told what to do all of the time. I guess some don't mind if it means they can be lazier.

chol hamoed

i haven't been at work since before yom tov. its always fun coming back to work on chol hamoed and getting surprised with all of the new changes at work.sometimes in the space of a few days people can quit or get fired and new employees hired. sometimes new policies are put in effect that i eventually find out about because everyone forgets i wasn't told about them because i was out when they were put in effect.
the best part about going back to work after yom tov is going to work  feeling well rested and not being able to remember what transpired the last day i had been at work.

text me!!

in the old days when i would call in sick to work i would have to call my supervisor and break the news. my supervisor is not a   morning person.  the most awful thing in the world would be hearing her voice when i would call in sick.
now the new generation has arrived at work. all members of the new generation would text my supervisor instead of actually speaking  to her. at first i didn't want to give my supervisor my cell number because id rather  not  have her be able to call me anywhere .  now she does have my cell number so i have been able to make the most of a bad situation. i had to call out from work yesterday due to the blizzard . i texted her. it was amazing. even when she texted me back with an annoying request it was still way better than hearing her awful voice utter those words.
i am just loving technology. i guess im now officially part of the new generation.

vulnerablility

when one gets to know anyone one gets to know their vulnerabilities. this is a good thing as well as a frightening thing. it makes one realize how fragile we humans are and how easily we can hurt each other once we know each others weaknesses. we have to be careful to be sympathetic as opposed to callous.

in the workplace it can be a challenge. some hone in on others vulnerabilities and try to bring them down . its disgusting. i work with people who are a variety of ages and i see it all of the time. i have a supervisor who is sixty who bullies a twenty-something employee because she is sensitive and is young. it makes me ill. why bring someone else down ? so the person can feel suicidal? so the person will end up cold hearted because they cant take it anymore? so this person becomes verbally abusive as well?

i know someone who could be annoying and the first instinct is to be really nasty back. but i try to hold back if i can. this person is sensitive. i know that if i let loose this person would be totally crushed , so i try to find calmer words to confront this person. i know that this is a the better way. the truth is if someone yells at me i have been so desensitized that i don't give that someone any thought. i just figure they are crazy unless i know that i really did something wrong. then i might feel a little guilty. the truth is when someone raises their voice all i can hear is the anger, not their words.

weather or not?

according to the weather forecast there is supposed to be a major blizzard in new york tomorrow. as usual im in denial. the weather people love to hype this stuff up. the only thing is, what if they are right? then of course there is the question of whether i should go to work. if its already heavy snow and if they are still predicting a foot of snow at six a.m. tomorrow morning then its a no brainer. ill stay home. if there is no snow on the ground tomorrow morning at six a.m. then its also a no brainer. ill go to work. if i get to the train station tomorrow and the train isn't running then i know im not going anywhere. it only gets tricky if i go to work and then the weather gets horrific before quitting time.

the thing is, its kind of nice being at work when its snowy weather because there are less clients . its easy money. of course its only pleasant if i believe i wont be stranded at the seventh avenue train station and have to attempt walking home.

what to do? what to do ? major snowstorms used to only occur on fridays when i used to work on fridays. now that i don't work on fridays .... well you catch my (snow) drift...

the crying game

im a very sensitive person. sometimes im overcome by emotion and i actually cry. its quite embarrassing. the worst time to cry is at work. sometimes im really angry but instead of shouting, tears flow . i know that im not the only work crier. ive seen others cry at work. work crying really sucks. you think you are in control , but then you cry. because work is stressful its hard to stop that crying once its begun. ive read in some women's magazines that crying at work is a big no-no. well duh! no one actually wants to cry at work. it just happens.
nyc is a tough place for a crier to live. people who drive everywhere can cry in their cars when overcome by emotion. in new york when one has a crappy day one can cry publicly on the subway platform. mostly people just ignore the crier. hell , its new york. watching someone cry is the least weird thing one hopes will happen on the subway platform. its still quite embarrassing. occasionally a sympathetic soul has offered me a tissue. that's always nice. fortunately they never have asked me why i was crying. too personal. the tissue gifter doesn't want to know and frankly sometimes talking about why im crying makes me want to cry more.
as much as im embarrassed that im a crier, i do believe that its better than ignoring my feelings altogether. one cant confront ones issues of sadness if one cant admit one is sad.
that said, im equally able to laugh as to cry, so it cant be all bad.

SCREAMING MIMIS!!!

one thing i can never get used to is the propensity of many frum jewish families in new york who yell at each other non-stop. its not that they are always angry with each other, its just their normal mode of speaking. being originally from the midwest, it makes me feel like my blood pressure is rising just listening to them.
i used to go to a few screaming mimi families for shabbos. no more. they were nice sincere people, but by the time i left their homes i would be shaking from the high decibel level of their voices.
at work there are a few screaming mimis. for the most part i try to tune them out ( not very easy) but when things naturally get stressful it becomes harder to tune them out.
just today a screaming mimi was shouting for me with the intensity of a 9/11 firefighter on the 88th floor of the world trade center. of course screaming mimis are like peter and the wolf. they are always crying wolf . when confronted they never realize that their decibel level is capable of upping their co-workers blood pressure medication . i keep hoping screaming mimi gets a severe case of laryngitis asap . if not, im going to have to invest in a good pair of earplugs soon!

evil lurks

today i found out one of my co-workers has been back -stabbing my employer. i cant go in to details, but its really pissing me off. id love to expose the situation , but im afraid what the fallout may be. im glad im aware of the situation , but it sickens me that such folly is happening and that the back stabber is getting away with it. my only comfort is that the back-stabber might get sloppy and get caught.
the thing is , what the back stabber is doing clearly affects one of my co-worker's livelihoods. i dont know how she can live with herself. even worse... there are for sure some partners in this crime otherwise she would not have gotten so far with this scheme. where's a superhero when the day needs saving?

jury duty

tomorrow i get to do the one thing i like less than going to work. jury duty. i called in to see if it was necessary. apparently the voice recording thought so. i've packed my mp3 player, knitting and melissa gilbert's new book of memoirs prairie tale. hopefully this will keep me occupied. despite all these preparations, im sure i will be bored out of my gourd. i love this country, i just dont love jury duty.

where's the middle road?

it is so easy for a new baal tshuvah to go the extreme route. the frummer the better. why try to coast and find a heter when one can just blindly follow the strictest view.(yes, i know that all new bts are not like this, but im just trying to make a point) .

in my parents era the accepted view was that women would get married and be stay at home moms while the men would go to work and make a living. these days if one chas v'shalom wants to be a stay at home mom it is quite frowned upon. there just is no middle of the road. whatever happened to doing what is best for ones self instead of abiding to a bunch rules made by who knows who. why does it always have to be the extreme view? why must everyone abide by only one view?

the worst is when certain hair types are in style. the blowout is always in style with curly haired jewish women, but in the outside world sometimes curly perms are in - shirley temple, the 1980's, and sometimes straight is in as in usually. the thing is one was born with a hair type and weather be damned, there isnt always anything one can do about it.

i think that religion is very extreme these days. the frum are moving further to the right and the non-frum are moving more to the left (if this is even possible). we should all be who we are, ultra- orthodox or ultra-reform, but i do think that there are plenty of us who are somewhere in the middle and the middle is okay too. people dont fit into pat categories. the idea is what direction one is headed, not how far the journey. are we all striving to do mitzvot at our own levels?

i never get how people are so all or nothing about judaism. if they dont do everything then why bother? NO ONE is perfect at anything . i guess it takes a certain extreme personality to take the all or nothing approach. then again, all or nothing is the easy way out. doing the best one can is much harder. it requires much more stamina. when one is a do the best one can type, one may have setbacks, but one owns what one does do. its all about where one is going. part of my day job is teaching. ive taught adults, ive taught children. the one thing ive learned is that there are many ways one can reach the same endpoint. everyone doesnt think the same way , one just has to find what works and go with that. one will eventually "get it" . we all have individual hashkafahs that we have to "go with" and this will help us get closer to hashem.

melt down

sometimes i feel like my life is running on high speed and i cant seem to slow it down. i get up, rush to get ready for work. go to work. work is a high paced environment. i scramble to do errands after work. i rush to get together with friends. on days off im overbooked with social commitments. before i know it monday rolls around and i havent had more than five hours of sleep each night. when does it end? is it just the life of a new yorker or is this life in general? the economy is what it is , but i feel like im experiencing merry-go-round meltdown. need some change fast before its too late!

the upside

the upside of having a stressful job is that in my real life i have begun to cut off those who only an infinite amount of patience on my part would deem them unannoying. i just dont have time for that. i need to surround myself with those who emote good karma instead of those who require so much patience and energy that they suck the life out of me.

wishing everyone a calm and restful shabbos.

thanks for the memories

having a good memory can be a blessing as well as a curse. i clearly recall my great-aunt who died when i was three, the score i got on my road test for my driver's license, eating popsicles at the end of the day at day camp and my first day at sleep away camp . i also remember having my wisdom teeth removed , being teased at overnight camp, and being brought to tears by those who i thought were friends. memory doesnt distinguish between positve or negative, it just remembers.

those who dont remember names also dont remember those who dont deserve to be remembered .

at work my supervisor is intimidated by me because of my memory. she of course is practically brain dead and has the memory capacity of a wood chip. i remember clients names and simple details . id rather it this way than the other way around, but i always try to downplay my ability.

im an encyclopedia when it comes to recalling men ive dated or met and trivia about them. the beauty is that im not trying to remember i just do.

people think that i read people magazine because i am up on celebrity info. i do not . who has the time? i just happen to recall details that interest me.

most who have poor memory abilities dont realize what they lack. i am grateful to recall what most may not, but for those of you who wont remember this post past five minutes from now, realize when you dont recall a pleasant detail it also means you dont recall a dreadful one.

intermarriage

one work issue that i always find difficult is having jewish co-workers who date gentiles. how can one be polite without making it seem like you condone their behavior? its easy to know what to say to someone when everything is theoretical, but when these are really people one knows, its a whole other bowl of wax.
i know that alot of people say that if someone wasnt raised frum what does one expect. they will be dating goyim . i dont really agree with this. there are plenty people that i know who grew up frum who have ended up dating non-jews. usually they are off the derech when they are doing this, but not always. sometimes someone is just lonely and then they meet someone who isnt jewish and though they are not going out of their way to do this they are suddenly dating someone who isnt jewish. this is not something that i would ever do, but i can see the logic.
some who date out say that they had alot of bad experiences dating in and that the gentile boyfriend/girlfriend has better midos than the jewish boyfriend/girlfriends they have had. what do you say to that? i usually dont say anything. it probably is true. but this doesnt prove that they would never be able to find a yid to have a relationship with that has good midos....they just havent yet....
currently i have a jewish co-worker who is dating a goy. he's the epitome of the boyfriend no parent would want their daughter to date AND he isnt jewish. its just so sad. her parents are plotzing, but im not sure what they would think if she actually became frum. they might not like that either. the thing is, this co-worker of mine is the type who if she went to a frum singles event she would be the belle of the ball. she'd have no problem finding someone.
of course im not the best example of how great it is to date someone jewish because im perpetually single and have more bad stories than i would care to share. i do know that its not just the jewish men who are creeps. i think that its hard to find quality men. i have gentile co-workers who also think that a good man is hard to find.

the handshake

if one does not want to shake hands with a member of the opposite sex due to shomer negiah reasons it is very important that one have a good prepared answer and not to just say that you dont shake hands . that is not a good enough reason.
i work in a service oriented profession and though the higher ups that are jewish have heard about shomer negiah, there are non-jewish employees who are not familiar with it. once there was a male co-worker of mine who put out his hand to a frum client to shake hands and im not sure what she said to him because i wasnt in the room with him, but she must not have said anything because later he asked me why she did this , and did she not shake hands with him because he isnt jewish. i explained to him that it was not because he wasnt jewish, but it was because men and women arent supposed to touch unless they are married. when he realized that she didnt want to shake hands with him was not because he wasnt jewish and just because he was a boy he was totally ok with it. see , now how hard was that? and if you dont like the explanation i gave , all the more reason to give your own.
another time a chasidic couple were speaking to the office manager and the office manager put her hand out to shake hands with the husband and the wife said to her"we dont shake hands".
later the office manager said that she could care less that he didnt want to shake her hand , but that she thought it odd because moments before, the wife shook hands with her. i explained to her that it wasnt that frum people dont shake hands, its just that men dont shake hands with women because they arent supposed to touch any woman who is not their wife.
of course , the other thing that i find un-thrilling about frummies unwittingly leaving me to do the explaining for them is that whoever is asking why also asks me what i would do. well... when i was growing up i was taught that its okay to shake someone's hand at work so as not to embarrass them and that there really is not derech chibah in these types of handshakes.
if you are honest and genuine with people when you explain to people why you do not shake hands with someone of the opposite sex , they are really okay with it. i have seen a few people do it, and they are very sweet about it , no one takes offense. and if you cant explain it to them its better to shake their hand if you ask me. not giving a true explanation is worse and i know this because ive had to explain non-handshaking to several confused people.

not drunk enough

i wish i had enough of the obama kool-aid that i could feel anything but indifference over his inauguration today as the 44th president of the united states. i think he will be an adequate president who will get way too much credit, just because he is part black.

the one thing that i do think is good is how so many black and hispanic people are feeling good about being citizens of the united states today and were all listening to the inauguration on the internet today at work (where i work) or wherever they happend to be. i think that this is a positive thing. i have NEVER seen people watching the presidential inauguration at my workplace (before internet there was always an in - office tv or radio which could have been used )

i dont like the perma-scowl on michelle obama's face, but i do like the way she dresses. and i like the fact that she isnt a toothpick. i do realize that neither of these fun facts display one's qualifications as first lady.

so time will tell how quickly the obama-messiah excitement will fade . im not sure how much i will be paying attention, but somehow im confident we will all find out. stay tuned...

you are so that type

a few weeks ago alot of blogs shared the link of the www.typealyzer.com . i actually checked it out and its quite cool. it tells you what kind of blogger you are (if you have a blog that is). anyway, look up this blog and check out what it says. type in other blogs and see what their "type" is. according to typealyzer, im a doer. which according to typealyzer is the active and playful type. they are especially attuned to people and things around them and often full of energy, talking, joking and engaging in physical out-door activities.
the doers are happiest with action-filled work which craves their full attention and focus. they might be very impulsive and more keen on starting something something new than following it through. they might have a problem with sitting still or remaining inactive for any period of time.

hmmm..... well.... some of this is true. i actually have a job that is very action-filled that claims my full attention and focus. and i always like getting out , being social and taking advantage of what new york has to offer. i dont often sit home on a saturday night.

getting to know you....

though people are very different, there often are much similarities. ever meet someone with the same voice as someone else you already know? or who reminds you of someone else you know? i have. all of the time. sometimes ive met people with the same accent or mannerisms as someone in my past. i try to be careful not to assume that they are just like that other person. especially when that other person might be someone i disliked very much. not that you shouldnt be cautious, but dont assume too much. its best to get to know each person on their own merit.
i recently had a co-worker who had a similar look to an ex-roommate who wasnt the greatest of sorts. im not saying to ignore one's intuitions, but just because someone has the same physical attributes as someone else in one's past or present, it doesnt mean that their personality is like that other person from ones past or present.

changing of the guard

its always so interesting when someone one works with everyday moves on to another place of employment. especially when that someone is someone one would only be friends with because one works with them. the first day they arent at work one doesnt even miss them. this can even happen if one was friends with this person at work. usually this happens with someone one is only friends with because one works with them, but wouldnt be friends with otherwise. even so, its always alarming. life goes on surprisingly smoothly!
i had one work friend who i was glad left my workplace. i think that we are better friends now that we dont work together.
as apathetic to co-worker turnover as i am, i did actually have one co-worker that i really missed after we stopped working together. we have kept in touch, but i knew that it wouldnt be the same after we stopped working together. we really ran in such different circles it was destined to happen.

the importance of self confidence

self confidence is such an important midah to have. self confidence, not to be confused with arrogance or cockiness.
it is important not to base one's self esteem on other's opinions of one's self. if someone else thinks one is less than, it doesnt mean one is actually less than. its all well and good to be well liked, but if you only feel accepted because others accept you, there is a problem.
i have some friends who only think they are good people if they are in a relationship, if not they think that they are zeroes.
in my opinion, if a guy doesnt think im fabulous its his problem. if someone isnt in to me im doubly not in to him. of course maybe my lack of concern for others opinions is my problem....
maybe this is why i am still single . who knows. all i know is that love should be a two way street, and if it isnt , its not meant to be. i want to know someone wants me out of his own volition, and if not , the heck with him.
as that great old poem goes.... if you love someone set him free. if he comes back to you he was always yours. if he doesnt, he never was.
i also like the alternative ending : if he doesnt come back, hunt him down and shoot him.
without self confidence it would be hard to keep a job. one has to believe in one's own ability to succeed. to succeed in life, love and on the job.
this, in a nutshell is self confidence.