why be jewish?

     When I was a kid I remember learning about a woman who was so modest that when she was about to be tortured that she pinned her skirt to her body so she would not be immodest.  At the time I remember being impressed but I did not think that this was something we should actually do, but that it was cool that she did. I am just waiting for some nut to decide that they want to take on that chumrah. Some nut into s&m of course. The world is so upside down now one does not know what to expect.

     Sometimes when I hear the chumrah of the month or the internet asifa  I feel that some people who call themselves ultra-frum are trying to turn Torah Judaism into the equivalent of some bible belt group that tells everyone not to see a doctor or take medicine but if one of their leaders are ill they would. I suppose other people's zealotry should not bother me, but it does. 

      A few years ago there was a television mini-series about Jews and Judaism. I confess that I did not watch most of it, but the one message that I did hear was that now that for those of us who are living in the United States we have to find a way to be observant because we want to be and  not because we are being forced to be separate . This is an ideology  that I grew up with in the midwest that I think has bypassed brooklyn and much of the tri-state area. So often I her goyim this and goyim that and if you do this its goyish etc. Well in certain neighborhoods I would agree with you. The goyim there don't have such great values. Some other goyim that I have met are very lovely upstanding individuals. When one lives in a neighborhood filled with upstanding goyim its not valid to say that we should be frum to be different than the "awful" goyim. Would it not be best to say that we should be frum because its the right way for us as Jews to be?

what is modesty?

recently i saw a flyer that said that someone was ill and that in the zechus of women taking it upon themselves to be more tzanua the person would have a full recovery. what exactly does that mean? is it really the way women dress that will make things better or is it the actual midah of modesty?
when i was growing up when tznius was discussed in school the teachers often spoke of the midah of being modest and not the physical parameters of tznius. i personally think that enforcing the midah of modesty would be more productive than enforcing the tznius clothing police.
the midah of modesty is not being a flashy person. it means not  chasing  honor. to be humble. if more people were humble the world would be a better place.
i think if both men and women were more modest in our actions the world would be a better place. there would not be any frum people involved in ponzi schemes if modesty was the goal. when one is happy with one's lot financially there is no need to swindle others.

tznuis overload

when the extra-long skirts were in vogue i remember hearing people say that they werent tznius. to be fair id heard this said before the extra-long skirt was in fashion. lately ive heard that its not tznuis to wear a long sleeved shirt under a short-sleeved or sleeveless dress . i suppose this is because ones eyes may focus on the less-sleeved portion of the dress instead of the fact the woman's arms are completely covered.
on some level i understand these chumrahs. whenever i used to see girls wearing the extra-long straight skirts i had to take a double take. i often thought these very frum-faced girls were wearing slacks. then again, its a shame that when long skirts are actually in style there is someone trying to think up a way not to enjoy it. with the layered look its tempting to do away with the extra layer and feel a little bad that one has to layer the dress to be tznius enough. then again, why should someone not be able to wear a long sleeved shirt under a pretty dress to make it tznius? can one only be tzanuah if one is a fashion dont ? is it better to feel bad because one cant wear a pretty sleeveless dress or is it better to make lemonade and wear a layer under it and make it tznius? anyway, lots of secular females wear t-shirts under sundresses and other sleeveless dresses because even secular woman feel more modest with another layer.
i do find it funny to see frum women wear long sleeves under a strapless dress, but then again at least they are trying to make the laws of tznius work for them instead of giving up on tznius . sometimes the high road is not so easy to follow. sometimes you have to take the middle road.... or bail!

modesty

years ago when brittany spears was breaking out of her "good girl" mode (i know its hard to remember) a co-worker of mine who had a daughter who was a brittany groupie and was very upset about brittany's more risque music videos. at that point her daughter was not to watch any more brittany spears videos.

another day, this same co-worker was outraged with the styles for children's clothing that were around. they were selling too many provocative styles for little girls.

during the low slung jeans and skirt phase many non-jewish co-workers of mine complained. who wants to wear something that shows your stomach when you have a big stomach? or in during the frigid weather of winter, how are these styles practical?

ive seen well-heeled rich ladies with daughters wearing jeans with their underwear showing and i wasnt the only one passing them on the street appalled.

if you knew me in real life you would know that i only wear skirts or dresses and do not go mixed swimming, but im not the poster girl for the tznius police either.

i believe that there is a concept of modesty, for society in general.

i think that bais yaakov must give a course on makeup application that i missed out on in the modern orthodox schools i attended. (im not sure how this fits in with this post, but ive been dying to rant about this , so im including it here)

modesty is more than long sleeves and long skirts. its about not being flashy or too sexy in personality and style of dress.
one doesnt have to be dowdy to be modest. example: katie couric: modest, paris hilton:immodest, princess diana: modest ,sara fergeson:modest, pamela anderson: immodest, madonna: immodest.
people choose to harp on tzniut in clothing because its easier to focus on than perfecting the actual midah of modesty. giving tzedakah without fanfare or holding a position of kavod without being haughty are much tougher than not wearing bluejeans. i aspire to reach the truest level of tzniut..... someday.