Wednesday, November 30, 2011

about gaga

i think that the least modest holiday windows i have ever seen are the lady gaga holiday windows at barney's department store on madison avenue. even so , there were still quite a few good photo ops that were more kosher. gaga's workshop on the fifth floor is a bit more family friendly than the windows. no matter. i am including some of photos. those of the family friendly kind. most of these photos were actually taken inside of barney's on the fifth floor.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

no cookies for me

now i get it. those of us who don't fit the cookie cutter mold of average are doomed to have a harder time finding a spouse. even though i get it , i do not think that it is fair. no matter. i still have to be true to myself, otherwise i won't be happy. sigh.

Monday, November 28, 2011

its the little things

what do you miss about a person when they are gone? i miss being able to ask their opinion . i miss having someone who knows me as well as they do. i miss going to the movies with them. i miss spending holidays with them. i miss their smile . i miss knowing that i have someone i can count on. no matter what.
i miss these things in those who i was close to who have moved away, drifted away or have passed away.
so many wonderful connections. so important to appreciate them in the moment, not just after they have passed.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

blast from the past

visiting old haunts in my hometown is always exciting. you never know who you will run into provided you recognize them. yesterday i was sitting in one of the few kosher eateries back home and i was looking around the room for a familiar face. i realized that it is odd that i recognized so few. for a moment it dawned on me that there may be more people there that i know but i just didnt recognize them.sure enough as i was leaving an old classmate of mine approached me and said hello. i did not recognize him at all. im so glad he recognized me. its so nice to run into old friends. i wonder how many others i have run into lately that i dont recognize. now i really feel how much time has passed.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

have a thankful thanksgiving

thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays because it is a secular holiday. i get to eat a big meal , get together with friends and family but not have a day of extra long davening.
i am thankful to be living in the united states of america . i pray for peace and harmony this thanksgiving . i wish everyone health and happiness as well. this isn't a perfect country, but what country is ? those of us who live here are blessed to live in a country where we are free to practise our religion  and not fear for our lives .

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

i blog therefore i am

some like tweeting, i like blogging. i like putting my 2 cents out there and seeing how others react to it. not necessarily others i actually have met in "real life". i like the supportive community blogs offer. blogs help me feel like i am not alone in the world. sometimes my blogger friends know me better than people who meet me in real life.many of my blogger friends know me without the distraction of externals. thanks for reading . thanks for commenting.
its important to have friends who know me in real life, but its also good share with others outside ones circles.
blogging reaches out to the world. it makes me feel like there is life outside those who i know in person and that they too share  challenges and joys of life .
sometimes the world seems so disjointed. blogging helps the world feel more connected.

Monday, November 21, 2011

burned out

i marvel at people who think that the problem with singles is that we don't want to get married. i wish that was the problem. the problem is much deeper. its hard to even get to date one. too much e-mail and phone tag. my problem is  i usually give my number to a guy on a dating website the day before i know that i will be available to speak with him. bad move. i should really give my number a few days before i know that i will have time to chat because the guys i give my number to always manage to call me at a time i am unavailable.  more times than not i dislike the possible future date's voice. i realize that this is shallow, but i admit to it. anyway, if the guy has a bad voice i drag my feet about calling him back. if only he had called when i was home/available and i would have been able to speak to him straight away. i would be able to avoid the awful voiced's phone message and be forced to talk to him before he had a chance to leave a message.
i know this is a tangent, but my other pet peeve is when a guy calls at a time when he purposely thinks i am not home so they can leave a message. i get home from work early some days of the week and i always love surprising a guy by answering the phone when the guy thinks he will be leaving a message. maybe they just want to listen to my phone voice first. who knows. perhaps frumster should have and option to record your voice on your profile.( perhaps they actually have this feature, but im too old school to have noticed)
in any event i have to call back some guy who left me a phone message several days after i was available to chat with him and i really do not fancy his phone voice.....

Sunday, November 20, 2011

the secret life of the american teenager

a few weeks ago i found the show the secret life of an american teenager on netflix. for those who have never heard of  it, its a show about a fifteen year old girl who gets pregnant and keeps her baby. the parents of this girl are played by molly ringwald  formerly of the brat pack 80's movies and mark derwin formerly of  guiding light. 
mayim bialik plays the guidance counselor one season and one of the daughters from seventh heaven whose name escapes me plays the guidance counselor another season.
all i can say is that a lot has changed since i was in high school. the kids in this show aren't the "bad" kids . the girl who gets pregnant was an otherwise goodie-goodie who got pregnant from doing it one time in band camp (an ode to the american pie movies that was not lost on me) . i feel old saying this but this would never have happened back when i went to school in the yeshiva high school i went to . for one we were too frum and far too immature.even the local public high school nearby did not have pregnant or teen mothers in attendance.
i don't thing that the secret life of the american teenager makes teen parenthood seem idyllic. its just that it makes it seem like teen pregnancy is a fact of life and should be treated like a normal part of life. this  is what i find disturbing. to me childhood is sacred. a kid should be able to be a kid as long as they are not a high school graduate. the secret life of the american teenager  is not quite refuting my theory, but it saying that kids are all sleeping around, even good kids, so why fight it. this is what i find disturbing about it. having a child changes one's life. this should not be done when one is a high school student and a high school student should not be doing anything to get  into that type of situation.
yes, i am showing my age .

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

birthday parties

birthday parties are the singles equivalent to weddings , bar mitzvahs , siddur parties, baby naming kiddush etc.we may not have spouses or children but birthdays our ours. of course they are usually of  the forever 29th birthday variety.
birthday parties for singles are fun but also bittersweet.would we celebrate our birthdays as much if we were coupled? given the great effort singles expend hiding the exact age they are it is ironic how the birthday party remains significant to celebrate so elaborately. then again, it makes sense. to the  single the number of the birthday seems more important thus why not celebrate it?
until 120 all.

Monday, November 14, 2011

too much in common

when i was in college i had a roommate who had the same first name as i do and the same first initial of our last names. my dad passed away a year and a half ago and her dad passed away a few months ago . turns out our fathers were born the same year a day apart . is this just a coincidence? i do not know , but it does give me the chills thinking about it.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

age limits

when i was younger all of the singles events had age ranges that were never upheld. there was a crew of men 60-80 who were let in even when the age range was 28-38. i was at an event once with a friend who was 35 and she saw her friend's father there. obviously he was outside of the age limit. now certain groups are very strict about age ranges not even letting someone a year or two above the age range in.
i disagree with the groups that stagger the ages of men and women. whenever they do that i know that there will only be much older men there.
in theory i understand why the powers that be are strict about age ranges, but i also know for a fact that many who are way above the age range are let in if they know the people running the event. if i really wanted to i could push the envelope and get in, but some of the organizers of these events get really rude, so i don't bother.
i wouldn't have such a problem being closed out of an event if there were equivalent events with quality singles for my age range. there are not.
if i had true emunah i would be able to say that its just not meant to be that i go to some singles events but its hard to have emunah without just feeling like i've given up.
i think that there could be a happy medium when it comes to age limits at events. its not the person five years older that you don't want attending, its the person who is 10-20 years older that you want to filter out.
yet again, i am never the right age at the right time.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Occupy Birthright Israel, Un-Occupy Palestine .. H-shem yerachem

i  had a very hard time getting through this whole video without wanting to lose my lunch. the only thing i agree with is that these young people should never live in israel. they all  live in a country where they are welcome to live as born jews. they of course missed the point of birthright israel, and i agree with them that those who sponsor the birthright trips wasted there money on these people. i think that they ought to continue occupying wall street with money their jewish parents have given them to look so well fed and so well dressed while they aren't out trying to find employment of any sort even if it is not up to their bourgeois standards.
i wonder if these young anti-birthrights actually knew anything about being an observant jew that they would still be occupying anti birthright wall street. i wonder if they really knew that tikkun olam does not mean social action would they continue to bash secular jewish social action organizations.
these young people are looking at israel through the lens of being an american jew where they are living in a christian country yet they think israel should not be a jewish state. the "palastinians" are not the equivalent of african americans. the palastinians are more equivalent to an enemy living in one's mist. mohammed abbas says as much in public. in  private i am sure he is even more militant.
i challenge all anti-birthrighters to spend a year immersed in learning about what real judaism is before they condemn the mainstream. by their militancy they show their ignorance. but i forget, the anti -birthrighters do not believe in ahavas yisroel. they haven't ever been taught the concept. they have been taught v'ahavta l'rayacha kamocha, but they don't believe that applies to fellow jews who are kamocha.
oh well. one more reason not to occupy wall street.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

is 30 the the new twenty?

for the past 10  years i  have heard people say that 30 is the new twenty and 40 is the new 30 but is it really? and if this is true, should it be?
longevity is certainly a factor of the the "new" decade definitions.  when people lived shorter lives it was more important to be more serious about life sooner. with shorter life spans it was more important to have children in one's early twenties because having a child at 40 would mean one had even less time to see them grown up.
though its nice to have extended adolescence  im not sure its necessarily ideal. i think it would be nice to have a spouse and a family earlier in life so one could be more settled earlier and have longer to spend in the more "settled " stage of life.
then again, no matter how "settled" life can seem, there are always curve balls . someone who gets married young could also be divorced or widowed young.
i think that it is good that people are given a longer acceptable time to be young and unsettled these days than they did fifty years eases the pressure.
i realize that in frum society people are still expected to marry young, but i guess since i am more modern orthodox, there have always been a lot of people around who haven't married young.
as much as frum society thinks that they aren't effected by secular society they are still effected by it. this is why there are a lot of frum people who are in extended young adulthood.

Monday, November 7, 2011

shell shock

when i was growing up the only garment referred to as a shell was a sleeveless shirt with a conservative neckline  whenever i hear people referring to a clingy long sleeved shirt as a shell i get annoyed because this is not really a shell. nevertheless, recently i have purchased  a few clingy long sleeved  "shells" in jewish flatbush because they are the only shirt of its kind that is opaque even in white. i even purchased the high necklined sleeveless shells for the same reason. they are opaque. i cringe when i buy them though i admit they fulfill their purpose.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

hiding out

ive been hiding out for the last week. i have gone to work and various social functions, but when i am at home i have been hiding out. i have been watching netflix marathons and have been so engrossed that i haven't been doing anything more productive like trolling dating sites for possible dates , sprucing up my resume or even crocheting or knitting projects. though i have been enjoying hibernation i also realize that it is not the best option. i usually  pride myself in not stagnating . i haven't hidden like this for years so i guess its ok to do for a little while. i just can't let it get out of hand. life is for living . tv is a great escape in moderation, but its not really living life.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011


i believe that some people are born with certain gifts. a gift is something someone is good at naturally that others have to work at  to achieve. ever notice how some people know what business venture to choose and are always profitable while someone else struggles with parnassah. some people have a good memory for names and faces while others can never remember them.
some men know how to speak with women and always have a girlfriend/wife regardless of wealth or lack thereof. they just have that gift. with others no amount of wealth or good looks can make up for their awkwardness. they may be able to be taught social grace, but it still would not be as fluent as someone who was born with it. others are computer buffs who could have given steve jobs a run for his money. those whithout that type of gift can still use a computer but would have never have invented the  micro chip.

i have a freakishly good memory for names and faces and for things that interest me. i am also a creative person. creativity comes easy to me . though one can be taught crafts or photography , creativity is really innate . you can learn the rules, but unless one has a propensity or gift in these areas there is no creativity.
everyone has a gift, the challenge is to be able to appreciate it no matter how great or small it is and to make use of it to maximize one's potential.