to me a most important indicator of whether or not a relationship is going to last is defined by the results of an argument. not who "won" the argument but moreover are you still on speaking terms after said arguement? what is the other person's fighting style? do they fight fair or do they use an argument as an excuse to dredge up every flaw they see in the other person? is this someone who always likes to pick a fight? or is the other person non-confrontational? do they hold a grudge after a fight? are they usually calm but let things build up and explode every so often? are they always exploding about everything? are they always right or do they think they are always right? do you think they are ever right?
no one agrees about everything . im actually more afraid of not arguing with someone im dating than arguing with someone im dating. you know its bound to happen. if two people never disagree why is that? is the other person afraid to express a difference of opinion? do they think that it wont last anyway so why bother arguing ? are they hiding something? when is the other shoe going to drop????
for me i need to be able to know that i can feel comfortable expressing my opinion and my difference of opinion. i need to feel like i can deal with the way the other person expresses their differences of opinion. i tend to be non- confrontational, but dont let that fool you... eventually even the coolest cucumber can have their feathers ruffled. difference of opinion isnt the problem . what happens afterward is.....
thats the test....
2 comments:
One nuanced difference...between myself and the girls I've dated..that I've noticed since my time out of yeshiva, is that I've developed a method of expressing a sharp contrast of opinion with people, without being at all "confrontational". I also value argument in the sense that it enables a spreading of ideas, but certainly not confrontational argument. And it's that gemara-type love for debate that I think makes girls I go out with not only concerned about me, but take the argument to heart, and make a palpable confrontation out of it...
hmmm... ive noticed this about you... i guess its just your shtick. i have three brothers so i know that some guys just like to be difficult like this just to get a reaction , but im not sure everyone appreciates this sort of thing.
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