Saturday, December 10, 2016

Baruch Dayan Emet

      Yesterday I went to the funeral of my  ex- friend. In a way I felt like a phony. I was sad that she had passed away , but I felt guilty for not visiting her in hospice more. I felt like I hadn't been close friends with her in several years so did I really have a right to be with others who really were close with her and visited her a lot more than I had ? If I did not run to see her  when she was still alive what right did I have to run to her funeral when she was no longer there to appreciate it ?
       In the end I am glad that I did attend the funeral. As many things in life this was one of those things one does not get a second chance for. It also gave me peace of mind for some of the thoughts that had been going through my head. Even if I was not as friendly with her recently as I had been years ago does not mean that I wished her this fate. I was allowed to be sad.
       A big theme for those who eulogized  was that they felt bad for not always "getting" who my friend was and that not everyone appreciated her. Apparently what I felt about her others who knew and loved her had experienced but loved her anyway.  Even for them it was not easy and it was so much on their minds that they mentioned this at her funeral. I guess that is the secret of life. You have to love people for who they are even when you know who they are.
       Its very interesting. My friend really was not herself for the past 6 months, but it still did not seem like she was gone. Now it feels final and really sad. I know that she is not in any pain anymore, but death is just so final. Baruch Dayan Emet. 

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