goodbyes

goodbyes can be difficult especially when they are final. worse than saying goodbye is not being able to say goodbye.
the last time i saw my grandmother  a"h i did not realize that it was going to be the last time that i would see my grandmother. to this day i wish that i would have given her a proper goodbye . at the time she was ill and she fell asleep during the visit. when i left i said goodbye but it just looked like she wasn't feeling good and i didn't want to wake her so i did not make  an elaborate goodbye when we parted. a month later she passed away.
when my dad died a"h i did not get to say goodbye but i was with him the last day of his life . his passing was unexpected, so there were no goodbyes.
both my grandmother and my father have visited me in my dreams which has helped the process of closure.
it must be even more awful to sit by someone in the hospital and see the life force separate from the body even though at that point one is able to say goodbye because one knows what is coming .
there are two people that i have been able to say goodbye to , one (to my knowledge)   is still alive  and one who  is not.
not long after my dad died a 79 year old client dropped by my job to say goodbye to everyone. she was dying of cancer and she just wanted to say farewell. i was glad that i was there at the time. she was such a lovely lady.
i have another acquaintance who has als (lou gherig's disease). he told me when he had been diagnosed with it. i had no words.   i had the honor of seeing this individual  recently. though i was teary eyed, i made sure to say goodbye. i do not know if we will ever meet again on this earth. i know his wife and son. they are in so much pain. its a dastardly disease. the person is alive and dead at the same time.
i can't be so serious as to have a mindful goodbye every time i say goodbye to someone. it would be too depressing. i just try to appreciate the friends and loved ones in my life as much as i can.