the opposite of love

is hate really the opposite of love? i think that the opposite of love is indifference. one doesn't dislike the person enough to hate them. one is indifferent. indifference is what one feels long after the feelings of love has evaporated. i feel indifferent about many lost loves. where once the mere thought of them may have warmed my heart or made me see red, the sea of indifference has washed it all away.

i hate stereotypes

i hate stereotypes. new yorkers have a reputation for being loud and pushy. though a lot are, not all are. jewish men especially like gentile women because gentile women aren't as smart as jewish women and will let jewish men treat them like garbage. of course this is a stereotype as well . not all jewish men treat their wives like gabage. not all jewish women are intelligent and not all non-jewish women are imbeciles. as for jewish men being cheap.... well not all jewish men are cheap either. and all jewish men aren't all winey, wimpy mama's boys. all jewish women arent materialistic or overbearing. if anyone ever called me jappy they would have to be deaf , dumb and blind. someone once asked me if i had my nose done because i have a small nose. well i did not. not all jews , if any, have big noses. oh and all jews do not have brown eyes or obnoxious brooklyn accents.
the worst part about stereotypes is that they are often perpetrated by the very people whose reputation they attempt to defile.
there are good and bad in every group, race , religion and ethnicity. if a person isnt able to see this they need to get a life.

matters of opinion.....

to me a most important indicator of whether or not a relationship is going to last is defined by the results of an argument. not who "won" the argument but moreover are you still on speaking terms after said arguement? what is the other person's fighting style? do they fight fair or do they use an argument as an excuse to dredge up every flaw they see in the other person? is this someone who always likes to pick a fight? or is the other person non-confrontational? do they hold a grudge after a fight? are they usually calm but let things build up and explode every so often? are they always exploding about everything? are they always right or do they think they are always right? do you think they are ever right?
no one agrees about everything . im actually more afraid of not arguing with someone im dating than arguing with someone im dating. you know its bound to happen. if two people never disagree why is that? is the other person afraid to express a difference of opinion? do they think that it wont last anyway so why bother arguing ? are they hiding something? when is the other shoe going to drop????
for me i need to be able to know that i can feel comfortable expressing my opinion and my difference of opinion. i need to feel like i can deal with the way the other person expresses their differences of opinion. i tend to be non- confrontational, but dont let that fool you... eventually even the coolest cucumber can have their feathers ruffled. difference of opinion isnt the problem . what happens afterward is.....
thats the test....

the not so good old days....

i recently came across a facebook group from one of the summer camps i attended . when i saw the photos it struck me just how very young my fellow campers and i were. even the counselors looked like babies. the jappy girls looked so angelic. they also looked too young to have been so cliquish . in the photos some of the rowdy boys appeared just as wiley as they did when i knew them years ago. it was nice to view those photos in the safe distance of memory. i did not like that camp much. it seems like such a lifetime ago. its almost hard to believe that i was that young even though i recall it so vividly. the good thing about looking back is that it will always be the past.

all the single people

according to the new york post this morning manhattan's percentage of single people is higher than any other city's in the united states. the average age of a first marriage for a woman in the u.s. is 25.6 and the average for a man is 27.7. the average age for a first marriage of a man or a woman in manhattan is between 30 and 34. the percentage of manhattanites who live alone is a little over fifty percent. the percentage of the manhattan population that has never married is fifty percent. no wonder im single! i work in manhattan.
i have ranted endlessly for years about how awful it is that all the frum singles come to new york , especially manhattan to find their basherts because nyc is a singles society. now it is in print. i didn't have to read the truth to know what it is. but it sure feels good to be validated. we are all affected by our surroundings whether we admit it or not. if you want to see the answer to the "single's crisis" look no further than the skyscraper next door.

a matter of faith

a few years ago i read the book the spirit catches you and you fall down by anne fadiman. its about a child of Hmong immigrants in merced california who has epilepsy and the culture clash with the hospital , doctors and modern medicine. though they did not denounce doctors and modern medicine they had their own version of faith healing and rituals which they incorporated into their child's treatment. it was difficult to communicate with them even with a translator because there weren't words in their language to convey the western information that needed to be transmitted to them.
the title of the book is the Hmong definition of an epileptic seizure. to them it is like g-d is lifting them up and then lets go and then they have a seizure. the Hmong consider this to be very spiritual.
what really struck me as interesting in this book were the rituals the Hmong performed to help treat their child. they didn't make much medical sense which frustrated the medical professionals, but some of their rituals actually helped her, though they were quite unusual. ( unfortunately i read the book a few years ago so i don't remember exactly what they were).
this made me really think . because these people really had faith that their rituals would change their child's fate it did help her. it did not cure her, but the authorities all saw that this child was well taken care of and by her behavior was a child who was loved and knew how to love others. they also saw that ultimately the beliefs and rituals of this family probably did not make her any worse for wear if not maybe even better off.
this of course made me think a lot about the power of faith and prayer. does prayer work proportionate to how much a person believes in it, or does it work because it works? i have heard that a patient will heal quicker if he has confidence that his doctor will cure him. on the other hand , i have heard that if someone prays for someone else, even if the person doesn't know about it they will (or it will help) them get better. perhaps it is only crucial for the person doing the prayer or ritual to have faith in what they are doing .
i prefer to believe that prayer does help and that it is real. we don't always get want we ask for, but i think that it is important to ask anyway. perhaps prayer is meant to be a lesson. we pray to get want we want. it is important to ask for what we need in life even if we may not get it. the point is not whether we get what we need and want but that we try . also, the more that we believe in change, hope and recovery the more it will happen.

happy blogoversary!!

ive made it through two years of blogging! it feels amazing. i thank everyone for reading. when i first started writing i felt shy to tell others that i was writing a blog. over time i had actually started getting comments and started telling friends about it. its hard to be completely anonymous anyway because sometimes people can figure out your identity anyway through reading your blog. i don't write anything that i wouldn't mind anyone knowing i have written. its also hard to keep blogging a complete secret because i enjoy it so much. when a post gets a good response i want to share the news with others.
it has been enjoyable to meet some of my readers this year. it makes life more interesting and the world seem a little smaller.
i thank those of you who follow this blog. i feel honored that the list has increased this year.
as usual its fun too see which posts get comments and which don't.
thank you all for reading and im looking forward to posting more this year!