madoff isn't really jewish

 i am sure that the title of this post caught your attention. oh and while i am at it rabashkin isn't really frum and neither are any of the other people who are otherwise shomer mitzvot but were convicted of ponzi schemes as of late.
gimme a break. every time i hear about a frum person involved in a major crime i hear people try to rationalize it by saying "well they weren't really frum" oh really? i disagree. i think that they were frum otherwise. i think that they did something very wrong, but they were actually shomer shabbos otherwise. to be devil's advocate, just because someone does an averah, no matter how large or small it does not blot out all of the mitzvot that they otherwise did do. i am not justifying their crimes, but just because they did a crime does not erase any good that they might have done in their lives.
the other reason i resent it when people like to wax poetically about how these frum people who were involved in embezzlement weren't really frum is because if they weren't caught they wouldnt be saying boo and because the rest of the world thinks these losers are frum. there has to be a better reaction than disassociation. i think that it would be best to say that they were frum and even frum people have nisyonos that they do not always pass and sometimes they give into their yetzer harah and do the wrong thing. they shouldn't do the wrong thing, but sometimes people do mess up big time- even frum people. we are given the laws of the torah because otherwise people would sin. DUH!!  if we were all so perfect just because we were keeping shabbos and kosher that we would not even think of being involved in fraud or an occasional ponzi scheme then "don't steal" would not be one of the ten commandments. HELLO.
instead of disassociating with the fraudsters as members of the tribe or fellow frummies perhaps learn to condemn the sin and try to make sure all of our coreligionists realize that fraud is not ok. we should try and figure out why this is happening in our community so it will stop .

a lesson from the deadbeats

i often get embarrassed when people ask me about what is going on in my life. i always wish that i would have achieved more . i have a stable job , my own apartment ,good  friends and hobbies, but i wish that i also would have a husband and a family. others who still live with their parents (even at my age or older) who have never worked a steady job and probably will never change have no qualms about their deadbeat status. when someone tries to set me up with them on a blind date, or i find them on  a dating website, they manage to spin it so they don't feel embarrassed . i don't know how they have such confidence. i guess i am not such a deadbeat because i have some shame. i need to be independent and a member of adulthood. i guess its good to always have something to strive for because it prevents stagnation. one should strive but still be comfortable with where one is in life even if it is not yet where one wants to be. this is a lesson i have learned from the deadbeats.

the money issue

one of the traits of a potential spouse that is of major concern is his/her relationship with money. i do not mean whether he/she is rich or poor, but rather how he/she deals with money in general. i have met those who have not much  money who are very generous with what they have and others who are not strapped for cash who are nickel and diming everything as though it were the great depression. often one's attitude toward money is a barometer for how the person behaves in  general. if  they are cheap with money , they are cheap with kindness. they are always trying to get something for very little effort.
it is important to be responsible and not to squander one's money, but it is also important to be able to enjoy life as well. you can't take it with you, after 120. my parents were always very frugal, but i never felt like we were poor (which we weren't) . they just wanted to lived within their means.
it is also important to be happy with one's lot as far as money is concerned. i do not mean that one should not strive to make a good living , but some people are never happy with what they have no matter how much they have. i used to live in a basement apartment that was very affordable. because i had such low rent it i could do anything and buy anything i needed or wanted. once i had a friend who asked me how i could live in such a hovel. until then i was perfectly happy with where i lived, i also could not have afforded to have paid more rent than i was paying at the time. i chose to pay her no mind. just because my friend could not live in that basement did not mean that i could not be happy living there.
everyone has their own personal money style. it has to be compatible with the personal money style of a potential spouse. its not a matter of right or wrong, but more of a matter of what is.

the beat goes on

ever notice how some people's taste in music stops in a certain decade? they try to say that they don't make music like that used to . i think that it is more than just that. i think that old music can remind one of what one was doing (or not doing)  when that music was current.  music is that powerful.

the truth about jewish women

often jewish women who live in new york have been given the stereotype of being pushy and overbearing. sometimes people think that a religious woman would be subservient . well, of course maybe a religious woman of a faith other than jewish would be. but give me a break  with the stereotypes. when does loudmouthed ,overbearing and subservient describe the same person?
i dont't think that religious jewish women are subservient to men and i don't believe in the common stereotype of the loudmouthed jewish new york woman.
i do believe that jews of both genders often stand up for what they believe in  and stand up for the underdog. does this make one pushy and loudmouthed? i don't think so , but  no one asked me.

frum fashion don'ts

i saw this on fashion-isha's facebook page. fashion isha has beautiful fashions on her website. this of course is a frum fashion don't.  i have knocked those who wear 3/4 shells under strapless gowns, and this is the skirt version. i agree that some outfits look cute in the layered look even if the designer hadn't intended his/her fashions to be worn as such, but this is just over the top. 

ladies, i beg of you, DON'T  try this at home.

just settle

i find it humorous whenever i hear the "just settle" speech. it is wasted by the orator. the person who should be given the "just settle" speech is someone in her early twenties. if someone over thirty hasn't "just settled" they most probably never will. its a lot easier to "just settle " at twenty-two than it is at at thirty-two or forty-two.