dating doldrums

loshon harah and dating is always a difficult one . one thing for sure no one is going to tell me what i need to know, but you can bet on the fact that someone is going to tell someone something about me . and this my friends is why i believe that there is a special place in hell for shadchanim. for all of the ways they twist the truth just for their own pocketbooks, nothing else. the only way a shadchan is going to make a shidduch for me is by accident, and they would have to be paying me for my tzar in having to deal with them. once long ago someone set me up with a guy so fat that the moment i looked at him my face fell. i didnt mean to do this, but if someone would have just warned me i would have been prepared. then i wouldn't have had such a strong reaction. maybe i would have met him anyway(probably not, i admit) . was it fair to him to have to meet someone with such a negative gut reaction? and i actually checked him out, but no one managed to tell me this. when i mentioned to the shadchan that i would have preferred someone slimmer the shadchan said "well he used to be even fatter". i would be more upset with this woman, but i heard years later that this noble shadchan is divorced. not that she deserves to be, but now she can get to know what it feels like to be set up.

my all -time favorite is the person "friend" who says you are too this or too that,but they won't tell you who said this so you could maybe understand the context. of course i always wonder why the authority of this anonymous friend is taken so seriously and my supposed friend is taking their side and not mine. whose friend are they anyway? a variation on this theme is the guy who i dated who told me he heard i had nerdy friends in high school. at the time i was 26. high school was a million years ago even then. aside from the fact this particular guy wasn't so cool ever. ive always been an individualist . im friends with someone because they are my friend. friendship with me never depends on a coolness score. at the time i told him that my friends were great, and i didn't know what he was talking about and who told him this anyway? and to this he replied ' i cant say' baloney!! don't insult someone and not let them be able to defend themselves.