Tuesday, September 9, 2014


     The haven for religious Jewish singles is the UWS (upper west side, Manhattan) I lived there for a year in college, but not since. When I graduated college most of my friends moved to Brooklyn or Queens so that's what I did. By the time I really thought of moving to the UWS as an option I had been working for a few years and was able to support myself without the help of my parents. If  I would have moved to the UWS  I may have needed some supplemental contributions from my parents. I liked being able to pay my own way so I opted to stay in the outer boroughs.
     Eventually I could afford living on the UWS comfortably if I had roommates, but in the end I opted to use that type of rent to pay for an apartment sans roommates. Why pay so much money to live with roommates? Even good roommates move on and then you are stuck struggling to pay the rent until you desperately search for a roommate you may not even like just to pay the rent.
       Some will say that it is worth overpaying to live on the UWS because there are so many singles there that it is likelier to meet one's bashert there. This is probably true. People like to delude themselves and say that few on the UWS marry because there is so much choice. That is not really true. Though there are many confirmed singles there I know many who have met and married their spouses because they lived on the UWS.  Unfortunately the only way that I could afford to live  there comfortably is if I had several roommates. After having lived in my own apartment for years this does not appeal to me at all, especially since there is no guarantee that this type of arrangement would be short term.  Whenever I had roommates, even good ones, it did not feel like it was really my apartment. I cannot say I really want to go back to that.
          If I had the money to live as I do now on the UWS  I do not want to live like a grad student at this point . I want to enjoy my life, enjoy my space. I  do want to get married, but I also realize that my life right now is my life and I can't keep living life on hold. I have friends who will say one should only live in a basement apartment until one gets married because it will be an incentive to get married. Maybe, but maybe you will just end up  being middle aged and living single  in a basement. That would really suck.


Steve said...

The high holiday season always seems like a time to reflect upon relationships. I guess living in a dumpy apartment in some ways comparable to the days when young women lived with their parents and had a veritable need to escape via almost any kind of marriage. The risk is to then find oneself in what I will euphemistically call a less-than-ideal marriage. What makes the UWS such a relationship magnet? Do singles bump into each other all the time at Trader Joe's or Fairway?

frum single female said...

Steve- good analogy. I guess there are a lot of singles who live near each other . You go to shul you meet people and yes you can even go to Trader Joe's or Fairway's to meet singles. Then again, aside from shul, anytime I have gone into Trader Joe's on 72 St. I haven't seen many single men there. Maybe they all just get take out.