Friday, November 19, 2010

true nature

there are three ways to know someone's true nature- b'keeso, b'koso  and b'kasso- in one's pocket (how they spend)  when they drink and when they are angry. i have one more way. when one is startled.
recently  one of my co- workers  was in a room. lets call her allison. allison is catholic. another co-worker, lets call her cindy, is jewish and russian. cindy walks into the room allison is in. allison did not notice that cindy walked into the room. suddenly allison yells at her for startling her and calls her and f-ing jew. the funny thing about it is usually cindy is teased for being russian and not at all for being jewish. in fact her jewishness never comes up as she is just a two day a year jew. this is why allison's comment was so odd. then again was it really so odd?  perhaps on a subconscious level allison really does think of cindy more as being jewish than as russian even though she never expresses it verbally. after this event allison was very embarrassed. although this was what came out her mouth she never meant to verbalize it. i know allison and she would not strike anyone as someone who would call someone a  f-ing jew or refer to any one's religion when she speaks to them. apparently it is on her mind on some level. cindy wasn't offended because she believes that allison only called her an f-ing jew because she was startled. i agree . i also think that on some level allison is thinking of cindy as  a jew more than she is thinking of her as  russian.
for me the incident with allison and cindy re- affirmed my belief that just people knowing you are frum makes them think of everything you do as something a frum person would do and not just something a person would do. it doesn't matter how outwardly frum one appears or whether one is charedi or  whether one is modern orthodox liberal. everyone knows you're shomer shabbos and they aren't forgetting it.
though i am far from perfect i try to internalize this adage and behave my best because i know this is the truth.
( not that i wouldnt behave properly otherwise! lol.)

4 comments:

Lawyer Dov said...

You basically summed up exactly how I feel when I am at work. I go out of my way and the extra mile to be as nice as I can so I don't give anyone a reason to dislike frum people. Its unfair for people to generalize, but such is reality. Plus, many times I am the only frum Jew that these people know. (Btw, thank you for all your comments on my blog. I look forward to more comments from you in the future, because they were insightful and humorous.....just the type of feedback I was looking for. Glad someone can relate to what I go through.

frum single female said...

lawyer dov- your welcome. i will. thats what blogs are for.

Lawyer Dov said...

Cindy sounds like a nice girl and a very forgiving person. I will be honest with you, if someone called me an f-ing Jew, I don't know that I would be as forgiving.... Whatever the reason was...whether somebody was startled by me, or because I took the last piece of toilet paper, or did a better job on a case I was working on. It shows something about Allison's character if you ask me. I just hope you never startle Allison because who knows what will come out of her mouth :)

frum single female said...

i have to agree with you lawyer dov. i think that cindy is a very forgiving person because it would have totally freaked me out if allison called me an f-ing jew even if she would have been startled. i dont plan on ever startling her but i do think that she has issues with jews and since im a frum jew who knows what she would say to me :)!