how to solve the shidduch crisis

yes , i am single and this is why i know much more about dating than your average shadchan. you average shadchan doesnt know much about dating . after all, they are married . and anyway they probably havent gone out with as many people as i have. and they have probably only had maybe one relationship . what i mean by maybe one relationship is that im not sure that the marriage these shadchanim are in can be considered relationships. it might be , but who knows. just because someone is married it doesnt make them a relationship guru.

i think that shadchanim should be ready to expose their age , how old they were when they got married, how many times they have been married, how many people they went out with before they got married, how long they dated their spouse before they married them, the quality of their marriage, whether they are currently seeing a marriage counselor , whether they are currently taking any psychotropics,how many kids they have and how old they were when they had each of these kids. this would definitely help me decide whether or not i want to deal with these shadchanim. after all, i only want to know the answers to questions i might be asked by them. its only fair.

if i know how old a shadchan is i can gauge how much i should believe them when they tell me a guy looks boyish. after all , a guy could look boyish to a shadchan if the shadchan is 65! that doesnt help me any.

if the status of a shadchan's marriage isnt that great or if they dont have a relationship that is in sync with the type of relationship i might be looking for, then why do i want to entrust them with the task of finding my bashert?

it is important to know if the shadchan married the only person they ever went out with. alot of shadchanim get frustrated when they set you up with three people(if you are lucky) and then you dont want to marry any of them. this sentiment is compounded even more when you are dealing with someone who married the first person they ever went out with.
its also important to gauge the general mental health of a shadchan. if they seem nuts, who knows what types of walnuts they might want to set me up with!
actually, im not much in to shadchanim lately. id much prefer an inane singles event, frumster or meeting someone randomly , but its always fun to rail into shadchanim. or maybe if they employed some of my suggestions, i might seek their services more often!

stREssEd

like most people i occasionally get insomnia. i know alot of people who are on ambien and sometimes its necessary, but i prefer to cure my insomnia another way. i have a few relaxation tapes that i find helpful. andrew weil has a few that are really good. he has one cd with breathing exercises. the idea is that when one is stressed , one doesnt always breath. also , if you can control your breathing and do different breathing exercises you can relieve stress. if i follow this cd before bed it helps me wind down and be able to sleep. this concept helps with migraines as well.when i get a migraine at work i go straight to the alleve bottle, but if im at home i try to do some breathing exercises and it goes away. andrew weil also has a sleep cd which is helpful as well. a woman named bellaruth naparstak also has some relaxation cds for sleep and stress reduction that are really good. i usually fall asleep before the cd ends. if i dont, at the very least i feel more relaxed.

he's just not that into you

i read the book by greg behrendt when it came out a few years ago, so when i heard there was going to be a movie based on the book i just had to see it. he's just not that into you wont be winning big at the oscars this year , but it was a cute plate of fluff.

the premise of the movie and book is that women try to analyse why guys arent calling them after a date, when really its quite simple . if a guy wants to see you he will find a way to get in touch with you . he will do it as soon as possible and if not - he's just not that into you.

ginnifer goodwin plays that girl. that girl who gives the aloof guys all of the excuses and then is disappointed when he doesnt call her . sometimes its hard to watch how desperate she acts.

jennifer anniston is the girl who lives with a guy for seven years that wont marry her. he doesnt believe in marriage. ben affleck plays this boyfriend. he's superb. he's not the greatest actor, but he was good in this role. this little sub-story could have been a whole movie unto itself.

another plot was with scarlet johannson and a married man. she plays the forever stupid woman who thinks a married man will leave his wife for the other woman.
justin long is stand out as ginnifer goodwin's confidante. he tells her how it is with guys. no holds barred. with all the big names he's a real scene stealer.
ever since i heard the line "he's just not that into you" uttered by post it guy on sex and the city , it has backed up every argument ive had about the people who like to over analyse and say maybe this and maybe that about why a guy hasnt called or hasnt been consistent in a relationship. yes, there can be exceptions, but they are exceptions, not the rule. if a guy wants to get in touch with me he will , if he takes forever it just means he's just not that into me . end of story.

the borrowers

when i was in college i had a roommate from a rich family who would try to share college textbooks with me if we were taking the same classes. i never shared with her because i was afraid we'd need the book at the same time and then what? also, i thought it was kind of cheap. her family had enough money to buy her the darn book. in fact they were so wealthy they could have bought me my books as well. at the time i realized that this is how the rich stay rich .
fast forward to the present. i hate when friends come over and scan my magazine subscriptions and figure wouldnt i love to lend my magazines to them after ive read them. i always say no unless they want to split the cost of the magazines with me. i also have "friends" who scan my bookshelves and dvds and are plotting what they can borrow. im not the library folks. fyi , the library has all the magazine subscriptions , books and dvds you covet. and they charge you if you dont return them on time. i know i sound like a shrew, but my rule is that i dont lend anyone anything i wouldnt mind not getting back or not mind getting back in one piece. which of course is not much. i do have a few trusted friends i lend to , but they lend me things too. there is a give and take. with alot of people i feel like they are scanning me for what i can do for them. or lend them . and they are none to obvious about it.
the other thing is that im the complete opposite. i dont like borrowing from others unless i have to. i guess thats why i resent others whose middle name is "can i borrow that?"

love is in the air

i found this really cool store window in the city and i couldnt resist. its a store called beads of paradise on east 16th street near union square. i took these photos. i wasnt sure how long the valentine's day displays would be up, but i guess because its also presidents day weekend, they are still up. cool. i plan on finding some more fun photo-ops tomorrow!! stay tuned!!

score one for the do nothings

there is one person who is benefiting from the downturn in the economy and this is the do-nothing . the do-nothing is the type who is perpetually out of work. now when asked what his (or her) profession is he (or she) can just respond "oh you know .... the economy....." and they are good to go!!!

un-valentines day blues

here we are again. its february 14, the goyishe holiday that i dont exactly celebrate, but depresses me just the same. i could have gone to some lame singles event that capitalizes on the valentine's day theme but i opted out. i do have my dignity .

one year when valentines day fell on a saturday i did go to a singles event. it was okay, but you really have to be in the mood for it. i might go out with friends later. i think that will be more fun. there's a singles event next week i might attend. there wont be any valentines day pressure next week.

i guess im slightly bummed out because i thought i might actually have a date tonight. it wasnt even just a possible first date. oh well. i guess im not changing my name yet. still frum single female.