do you date?

inevitability when im having a major kvetch session regarding the state of my unmarriedness and the unavailability of single men i get this question . "do you date? " when i get this question i am always taken aback. where in this conversation did i give them this impression? i absolutely do date , not always as often as i would like , but im not some nebuch who never has a date or relationship.
the only thing that i can think of is that perhaps a lot of the kvetchers don't ever date or make any effort to date. i had one friend who never dates  but never makes any effort to look presentable or any effort in regards to dating . but i do make the effort which is why i hate that question. although in defense of the asker it is usually someone that doesn't know me all that well which begs the question "why am i even kvetching about singleness with them anyway?" and you know, that would be a good point!

loneliness

loneliness will bring some people to do things they normally would not do. this is very sad but true. what makes some people so lonely they will do desperate things whereas others who are lonely will not stoop so low?  i don't pretend to know the answer to this one. as with all things one can't judge another until one has been in his/her shoes. loneliness can be so pervasive. its hard to understand its effects unless one has had the experience.

fall back

i am loving this time change. i still stayed up way too late last night, but i got up at nu-8 a.m. instead of old-9 a.m.  nothing like optimizing a sunday!

re-evaluation

as a kid i always thought that the time one defines who wants to be was in one's teens and early twenties. boy was i wrong. self evaluation is continual. life is a serious of re-evaluation. or at least mine is . there are many forks in the road and times when i stop to reassess my values.
when my father died it made me introspective. i have a love-hate relationship living in nyc, but after much thought over the past seven months i have realized it is my home. at least for now. this is where my life is. i miss my family, but i am who i am because i was able to break away from them . and this is a good thing. in order to be happy i need to have my own space even if its as far as another city in a far away state.
i need to be away from my family but this does not mean i wont visit them or speak to them. i just cant live with them. not now, anyway. ive known this truth for a very long time, its just that i haven't thought it out loud for a very long time.
there is much else that i need to evaluate as well, but cannot put to words at the moment.

i think that it is positive to reassess one's life periodically, otherwise one stagnates.

conviction

i just saw the movie conviction. conviction  is   the true story of a man who is convicted of murder and whose sister goes to law school in order to save him. it took her eighteen years to do this.  this is the meaning of love and love for one's family. how many people can say they have been loved so much by a family member?
the film also depicts the power of friendship. bettty ann waters , the woman whose brother was wrongfully convicted made an incredible friend when she was in law school. they were both older students which helped them bond. this was a friendship where when betty ann was discouraged by setbacks from her brother's case her friend abra would come over to her house and make her get  out of bed.
family bonds are very strong, and the power of supportive friendships help make life worth living. to have even one true friend makes life worth living. knai lecha chaver.
this movie also shows that persistence for justice can net results even if it may take a very long time to achieve .

trick or treat

though halloween isnt  a holiday i celebrate, there are a lot of dating lessons one can learn from this pagan holiday.
when i answer the door for a blind date i am hoping it will be a treat to meet him as opposed to the trick of a nerdly date being played  on me.
most of us dress to impress for  a date. sometimes we wear costumes that portray who we would like to be as opposed to who we really are.
sometimes  its hard to see the person we are dating through impartial eyes.  our emotions can serve as a mask so we dont truly see the other person's essense.
sometimes a date can feel like one is  walking through a haunted house . it can be so scary.

coffee and chemo

what does one say about someone one has never met ? what does one say about someone one has never met and whose blog one just started reading one week ago? what does one say about someones blog that one has started reading because one's friends posted about davening for on  their facebook statuses? what does one say about someone who has recently passed away whose blog one just started reading one week ago? i really don't know the answers to these questions. but i will  write anyway.
rivka, the author of the blog http://www.coffeeandchemo.blogspot.com/ has passed away. her funeral was motzei shabbos in israel. after viewing the four u tube videos posted on her blog i am in total awe. rivka speaks about her having end stage cancer and living with it. the positive spirit she displays is remarkable. it is honest and it is real. one watches her speak and realizes that any problem one has is the size of a granule of dust compared to what rivkah was living with. rivkah decided to be a person who happened to have late stage cancer instead of just being a late stage cancer patient. she possessed a calm and a warmth that even those who live charmed lives don't have. what an inspiration.
baruch dayan haemes. my heartfelt condolences to rivka's family and friends.