Breaking up is Hard to do

     Seinfeld knew what he was talking about. He did an episode about  having a friend he did not want to hang out with anymore. His take was that its easier to break up with someone you are dating than with a friend. When someone you are dating breaks up with you well that's a clear message and that's that. It is so much harder to break up with a friend. Especially a friend that doesn't know that their personality is grating and you really don't want to hang out with them anymore. Its nothing specific but definite. I have that a lot. I meet people who would be OK if they just wanted to be a once in a while to get together friend but are so lonely they always want to get together. I try to make sure I sound really busy but sometimes I am bored so I get together with them a lot and then I realize they are really annoying . If only I could break up with this friendship in  a direct way. Instead I start to ignore their calls and not call them back so often or promptly. Eventually they get the hint. It would have been so much easier to be direct about it, but I think it would be more hurtful. So I usually go the indirect route.

Who is Frum?

     Yet another crime is committed by a frum Jew and the reaction of many is "They aren't frum" and my response is  "Yes they are. By saying they aren't its a cop out. " Let me explain. When one is frum one still has a yetzer harah and a yetzer tov. The frummer one is the stronger the yetzer harah. Thus many slip up. It does not make them unfrum, it just makes them human. It also means that they have to be more careful to not to be involved in a ponzi scheme ,or the averah of the month because when they mess up it is an even bigger chilul hashem because THEY ARE FRUM.

Smoke

     I have never smoked cigarettes and hate their odor. I also hat how addicted the people who smoke them are . The most annoying thing is to finally get up the subway stairs onto the street , try to breathe in deeply and there is some bozo who also got out of the station who just lit up. Gross. I don't even know how THEY have the energy to do it. I know that they have spent their train ride smoke free and are suffering withdrawal, but why do I have to suffer with smoky air because they are addicted ?

On The Train

When you take the train every morning you get to see the same people everyday. That could be good , that could be bad. I don't mind seeing friends on my way home from work , but when I am going to work in the morning it is just to early to say much more than "good morning". 

      Its always fun to see where everyone sits or stands on the train. It usually depends on what exit is closer to their optimal train station exit. Sometimes you even notice where it would be better for someone else to stand. There is one lady on my morning train who is like that. She always stays by the second  door exit in my car. She should really stand next to the third or fourth door. They would be closer to her subway station  exit.  She gets really uppity about where she likes to stand on the train as well . If you are in her way she pushes you. I always want to tell her that if she wanted to leave the car quicker she would use the other exit. But I don't tell her. I don't want to seem rude.

 When I was new to New York I used to always look around at people and wonder what their lives were like.  Now I am  less intrigued . I just hope the subway acrobats don't board my train and that a fat person does not sit next to me.  If only my train ride was boring. 

Once I was on a train minding my own business when suddenly this couple stood near me. It instantly smelled like a latrine. I thought that its a shame that young people are  not attending to hygiene anymore. When I glanced at the end of the car I realized where the odor was emanating from.  A homeless woman had just did her business all over herself and  her seat. It was repulsive. I regretted  thinking that  the teenagers had rank body odor. 

Lisa Kudrow's Son's Bar Mitzvah

      I read about this awhile ago, but when I saw this on you tube I had to post it . To hear Lisa Kudrow tell the story is priceless.

Mars and Venus

      Years ago I read John Gray's book MEN ARE FROM MARS AND WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS. For those of you who may not have read it , this is a book about how men and women think different and once everyone realizes this it will be easier to form relationships with each other. While it is true that not all women are one way and not all men are the same, there was a lot of truth to Gray's book.
       My most favorite jewel from this book is that women connect through speaking and venting. There is not necessarily a purpose to the conversation. Its about the journey. Men speak for a reason and usually to solve a problem. I wish I had known this when I was twenty. I would not have believed it, but it would have been nice to at least been privy to this . So often on a date I would innocuously speak  about something and suddenly my date would be trying to solve my "problem" that I didn't realize he was going to decide to fix. It was also downright annoying. I didn't have a problem, I was merely sharing.
       Now that I have realized that men often can't identify when I am venting , I actually tell them that I am venting and that the only solution needed is listening  to me.
       

No Offense?

      When I was a kid people used to say something ultra critical to someone and then say "no offense" . It always struck me as odd. Just because you say "no offense" after being mean does not give you  permission to be obnoxious. In fact whenever they would actually preface their  insult with them not meaning to be offensive you always knew something insulting would be coming out of their mouth. It would be more honest to just blurt it out. If you think what you are saying may be offensive maybe rethink your words. Then there won't be any offense.