if you are single today ....

if you are single today, do you truly believe you will ever get married?
i put up this poll today because i think many singles dont really think that they will ever get married. they are just so burnt out from the whole dating game that they fear it will never end.
i understand the sentiment, but i think that the attitude is counterproductive if its what one feels everyday. not just every so often. we all have our off days, but i think its best to think positively.
i believe i will get married at some point. if its at a time when i am still fertile. i dont know. i do however believe that i will get married. im not pollyanna either. its just that i truly believe that there is someone out there for me.
forget what the shadchanim and every rude busybody says. fat people get married. ugly people get married. rude people get married. mean people get married. rich people get married. poor people get married.
so why not me?
or you?

race for the cure

for years i had wanted to participate in one of the walk for the cure for a disease, but i wouldnt hear about them in advance. or they would be held on shabbos so i couldnt attend. or i would always see people walking about town with t-shirts commemorating the event and by then the event was over.
last year i happend to walk by a pre-registration booth for the susan g komen race for the cure for breast cancer. the walk was to be held on a sunday which meant i would be able to join in if i so desired. despite the fact the event was called for the ungodly hour of 9:00am, i still opted to attend. as i had anticipated it was a highly inspirational and life affirming experience.
though many wore signs commemorating the passing of their loved ones, many others wore signs honoring those who have survived. of course there was the myriad of little old ladies and younger ladies who had survived breast cancer who participated.
last year a 16 year old yeshiva high school girl,whose mother died of breast cancer, organized a group of classmates , teachers , etc to walk and managed to be one of the largest donors . since there isnt an age requirement for this walk/run, the teenagers were able to participate.
unfortunately i know quite a few people who have been ravaged by this horrible disease. and as the susan g komen organization's slogan goes, i would like to run breast cancer out of town.
i plan on participating in the this years race for the cure which will be in central park on september 14.

that AGE old question

some of the families who invite me for shabbos meals drill in to there kids that they must not ask these taboo questions . how old are u? do you have any kids ? are you married?
at a singles event, the last two questions may be appropriate, but the first one is not. yes, we all want to know the age of a prospective individual, but its better not to ask right away.
i was once at a singles event where right after hi how are you, i was asked my age. on the one hand if someone is outright asking age, they probably think you are younger than you appear. if you look older, they automatically know not to ask.! on the other hand if one doesnt want to answer it belies that one is old enough not to want to reveal ones age. fortunately , in the frum community that age is 25+ . so if you dont want to answer, it doesnt infer too much!!
i suppose i should start to worry when someone doesnt ask my age , because that will mean they think im too old for it to be polite to ask!

my mexican shivah

despite lukewarm reviews i went to see the movie "my mexican shivah" tonight. i thought that it was a very humorous and charming movie.
the movie is about a jewish man in polanco, the jewish quarter in mexico city, who dies , and the shivah period that follows. it shows how everyone family is truly nuts, but they are still your family.
a most heart warming scene in the movie is where a yiddish, not necessarily well known song played in the background during the shabbos scene. not something ive recalled in an american movie.
the most original scene is where someone asks someone to bless them and that someone recites asher yatzar.
because this movie is such a comedic farce it did not seem too melodramatic. its a movie that can be enjoyed by both jews and mexicans alike.
needless to say , i highly recommend this movie.

getting to know you....

though people are very different, there often are much similarities. ever meet someone with the same voice as someone else you already know? or who reminds you of someone else you know? i have. all of the time. sometimes ive met people with the same accent or mannerisms as someone in my past. i try to be careful not to assume that they are just like that other person. especially when that other person might be someone i disliked very much. not that you shouldnt be cautious, but dont assume too much. its best to get to know each person on their own merit.
i recently had a co-worker who had a similar look to an ex-roommate who wasnt the greatest of sorts. im not saying to ignore one's intuitions, but just because someone has the same physical attributes as someone else in one's past or present, it doesnt mean that their personality is like that other person from ones past or present.

i dont get it

i know that there is a jewish concept of not being the one to spread bad news, however, i think that often people take this concept a bit too far.
often people dont want to tell others the news that someone has passed away fearing its just such sad news. my personal favorite " they will hear about it anyway because everyone is talking about it" well i have news for you. they arent all talking about "it" .
recently my friend's mom passed away and although someone had actually informed me about it and and the shiva apparently others who were close to her were not informed. i found this out when i casually mentioned this to a few friends and assumed they already knew . well guess again. they did not know and had i not told them they might not have known until months later. as it turned out they found out too late for shiva , but they did find out on time for the memorial that was held for the shloshim. had i been worried about "spreading bad news" my friend would not have had support from these friends who i had told. and it was too bad that i had assumed as others do that "someone must have told them" because no one had.
a few years ago a friend of mine passed away and i told many people about her passing. several visited the shiva house on my account. would it have been better not to have told anyone ? would it have been better her friends not have gone to pay their respects? of course one could say that these friends must not have been so close to not have been informed of her death. this would be true.in this case. however , it did matter to these old friends to join in the mitzvah of menachem avel. is it better not to spread bad news even if it will cause someone to do a mitzvah?
one could argue that it would be better for a long lost friend to visit someone during ones life rather than making a friend's shiva top priority. though this a thought to consider, it still doesnt cancel out the importance of menchem avel. its important for the family of the deceased to feel that others have been touched by the loss of their loved one.

hakaras hatov

very recently tragedy has hit an acquaintance of mine who is single. as much as ive been kvetching about being single and everything else under the sun, i truly am thankful and happy to be alive. life can be so fragile. without life there is no hope. with life there is hope. even though one may not have yet achieved one's life's goals, if one has life , one has a chance to achieve ones goals.
life is full of surprises as well as much disappointment, but so long as there is hope... then its all good.