i know that there is a jewish concept of not being the one to spread bad news, however, i think that often people take this concept a bit too far.
often people dont want to tell others the news that someone has passed away fearing its just such sad news. my personal favorite " they will hear about it anyway because everyone is talking about it" well i have news for you. they arent all talking about "it" .
recently my friend's mom passed away and although someone had actually informed me about it and and the shiva apparently others who were close to her were not informed. i found this out when i casually mentioned this to a few friends and assumed they already knew . well guess again. they did not know and had i not told them they might not have known until months later. as it turned out they found out too late for shiva , but they did find out on time for the memorial that was held for the shloshim. had i been worried about "spreading bad news" my friend would not have had support from these friends who i had told. and it was too bad that i had assumed as others do that "someone must have told them" because no one had.
a few years ago a friend of mine passed away and i told many people about her passing. several visited the shiva house on my account. would it have been better not to have told anyone ? would it have been better her friends not have gone to pay their respects? of course one could say that these friends must not have been so close to not have been informed of her death. this would be true.in this case. however , it did matter to these old friends to join in the mitzvah of menachem avel. is it better not to spread bad news even if it will cause someone to do a mitzvah?
one could argue that it would be better for a long lost friend to visit someone during ones life rather than making a friend's shiva top priority. though this a thought to consider, it still doesnt cancel out the importance of menchem avel. its important for the family of the deceased to feel that others have been touched by the loss of their loved one.
3 comments:
reading this bought back recent memories.
I had to take a state exam. An acquaintance of mine was sitting in front of me, and as we were waiting for the test to be handed out, she turned to me and said, "you know, I was trying to decide between being here and going to the funeral."
"funeral? what are you talking about?"
"You didnt hear?"
well, apparently not!
Unfortunately, a classmate of ours had passed away. No one had bothered to tell me the news and I found out about it in such a roundabout-punch-in-the-stomach way.
So sad.
As hard as it is to spread sad news, it's better than finding out this way
The bottom line is you need to know when it's important to tell and when not. I know people that tell me every bad thing that happened and it really hurts to hear so many different tragedies in one sitting. On the other hand, if it was about someone I knew and I'd want to know about, they definitely should say.
Definately.
It takes some maturity to pass on bad news. Less immature would like to "cure" everything.
Doesn't work, does it?
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