the evil one

what do you do when you have a friend who is somewhere in that zone of a little more than acquaintance, a little less than a friend, and you see that they have a toxic friend ?

i have a friend in this zone who has a buddy who is just evil and an awful influence. i would love to tell my friend to stay away from this creep, but i cant. we are not friendly enough for me to actually tell him this. it really makes me feel bad. it doesnt seem like my friend has channeled the evil one's persona, but it makes me feel bad to see him hang with someone with such poor character. i know that you could say that perhaps my friend could be a positive influence on the evil one, but im not convinced that my friend has a strong enough personality to transform the evil one.

snowy wishes

i love winter and cold weather. it makes me feel alive.

today was snowy and not too arctic in nyc. for days when it isnt snowing you really have to check out the light display across from macy's herald square. there is a light show that looks like snow. i took some photos of it, but you cant really see the "snow" so well. i dont know how long this display will be up, but its worth checking out in person.

more ny jewish film festival

i havent attended as many films during this years new york jewish film festival as i usually do. not as many films grabbed my attention as in previous years.
today i saw the film in search of the bene israel which is a documentary about the jews in india. although i am quite certain that this years film choices were chosen way before the terror attacks in mumbai, i found this film to be an ode to the jewish community of india.
the premise of the story is that the documentarian's grandmother wants her to visit jewish india and see where her grandmother came from. what makes this film even more interesting is that this jewish grandmother ended up marrying a muslim , left her faith , and after about 60 years she decided to come back to judaism and try to get her granddaughter interested in it as well.
sadia shepard, the filmmaker was not exactly raised jewish . her mother and mothers mother were jewish, but she also has a father and grandfathers who are not jewish- namely muslim and pakistani. it seems she identifies with all her religions. she admitted to attending bene israel high holiday services at a synogogue in the village (nyc, not a village in mumbai).
sadia shepard went to india to teach at ort and subsequently met members of the jewish community in india. in the film she recounted the story of the shipwrecked boats and the seven women and seven men on them and how from these people are the bene israel .
at the beginning of the film a shul in india is shown where they are singing a most beautiful version of adon olam.
many of the bene israel have now moved to israel . i know of many in the united states. there is still a semblence of a community in india, though it is quite small.
sadia shepard did not meet rivka or gavriel holtzberg when she was in india. they immigrated to india after she had left india.
though she is still exploring her jewishness, she brought her mother with her to this new york screening in true jewish fashion.
sadia shepard also wrote a book about the bene israel and of her familal origins called the girl from foreign. i actually have the book , but i have not read it yet.
i think that it is so incredible that jewish people have lived all around the world, and have maintained their identities as jews.
i would definitely recommend this film.

from schlub to stud

last summer i attended an open mike in park slope . max gross read from his new book from schlub to stud at this open mike. at the time i remember thinking about how much max gross looked like seth rogen. apparently max gross thinks so too. i just finished reading from schlub to stud today, and all over the book max gross recounts how he looks so much like seth rogen, in fact so much like seth rogen that it partially inspired him to write this book.

after reading this book, after purchasing it from housing works used book store on crosby street in Manhattan for $4.50 , i came to quite a stunning realization. all the nebs ive been complaining about for years arent merely nebs or nerds, they are all out SCHLUBS, except possibly not as lovably schlubbly as max gross portrays himself.

i really enjoyed max analyzing schlub job choices to general schlub etiquette. having two non-schlub parents does not guarantee coolness. and though one might not actually be a schlub, you could just have a few lone schlubby midos.

from shlub to stud is the cable reality show version of woody allen, and i actually dig it more. woody allen is a self hating jew. max gross is just some poor schlub.

unbalanced

after reading frumkeptic's most recent post do frum people believe in gd ,it got me thinking of the past....

years ago i dated a guy who had a quandary. he couldnt reconcile how someone could be frum and not be a completely upstanding individual. you know the type.... shomer shabbos, but have horrible midos...... wear the most tzanuah oufits, but cruel to their employees....only eat yoshon and yet channel their inner bernie madoff... you catch my drift. this chap was a bt.

of course all of us bt or otherwise have to reconcile this imbalance, but for a bt this is especially trying. they became frum because they believed the torah way to be more perfect than the secular route, and if all of those who have seen the light dont fully uphold it , then what?

as a teenager i had grappled with such issues, eventually coming to the conclusion that people are people , frum or not. just because there are those who identify themselves as frum who are not the most righteous, it doesnt invalidate the torah. one cannot judge the validity of the torah by those who follow it. i tried to convey these thoughts to my friend, but i dont know if he got it.

at the time i was afraid this quandary might cause this young chap to leave frumkeit. it is now so long ago. i wonder if he is still frum. and if he's still frum, is he still single???

not drunk enough

i wish i had enough of the obama kool-aid that i could feel anything but indifference over his inauguration today as the 44th president of the united states. i think he will be an adequate president who will get way too much credit, just because he is part black.

the one thing that i do think is good is how so many black and hispanic people are feeling good about being citizens of the united states today and were all listening to the inauguration on the internet today at work (where i work) or wherever they happend to be. i think that this is a positive thing. i have NEVER seen people watching the presidential inauguration at my workplace (before internet there was always an in - office tv or radio which could have been used )

i dont like the perma-scowl on michelle obama's face, but i do like the way she dresses. and i like the fact that she isnt a toothpick. i do realize that neither of these fun facts display one's qualifications as first lady.

so time will tell how quickly the obama-messiah excitement will fade . im not sure how much i will be paying attention, but somehow im confident we will all find out. stay tuned...

friends that end

when you're dating someone if it doesnt work out , you discuss it with them, you tell them its not working , or you at least figure it out if they never return your calls, or if they just never call you after your last date. usually there is some type of ending, be it clearly defined, or assumed.

when you 've had it with a friend of the same gender it becomes a whole other ball of wax.

one of the first seinfeld episodes tried to reconcile this issue. the episode was male unbonding which aired june 14, 1990. jerry had a childhood friend joel who he outgrew , but joel still kept trying to stay in touch with jerry anyway. at one point jerry tells joel that he thinks that "they should stop seeing each other" and that they have nothing in common anymore. this of course doesnt work. in the end jerry decides to suck it up and tolerate when joel calls him even though he doesnt want him to . its just easier.

i find this subject so difficult. usually when friendship drifts its mutual. its just run its course. sometimes once i get to know someone i realize that they annoy the daylights out of me. and then what do you do? my so- called friend asks me what they have done to fall out of friendship with me. what can i say? i dont really want to tell them. it will hurt their feelings. its just the way they are. im not mad at them at all. i just choose not to spend that much time with them anymore because my mental state depends on it.

im a pretty patient person, but sometimes my patience runs out. some people are so sensitive that i feel like being friends with them requires me to walk on eggshells. which is okay. but sometimes i go back to being just average and not so accommodating, and then these same gendered friends get offended. im just too stressed to be their friend. if they were a guy id just break up with them. no problem . and im a good breaker -upper. but with my female friends i dont know what to do. its much harder to move on . its harder to "break up" .