often people will try to fix me up with a guy who is divorced and they will try to plug it by saying "hey at least he could make a commitment!" well, im still not convinced that its better to go out with a divorced guy than a never married guy.
alot of times the divorced guy has a truckload of baggage because he has kids. ive heard so many divorce stories that my head is spinning. i don't really know who to believe when i hear them. there is his side, her side and the truth. and of course you have to be hashem to know the truth.
my favorite divorce story is the one where the ex-wife was crazy. while this might be true, it also might not be. maybe he made her act nuts. who knows. i also love how the guys think that withholding a get is okay because a rabbi told them to. whatever. alot of the rabbis are anti-woman anyway. what do they care? meanwhile loverboy who is withholding the get is having a grand old time dating . but the rabbis said it was okay. good grief.
granted , single , never married men have their share of problems as well. they still think a scarlett johannson look alike is going to marry them even though they look like jack black. or they are fifty plus and think someone under thirty five will want to marry them.
3 comments:
have a divorced friend (remarried, now) who was obviously going out with a lot of divorced women. Even more obviously, he was doing a LOT of checking before going out.
One woman, people said the story was that the guy was crazy. She said it, her friends said it, her family said it - 4eck, even the GUY'S side said it. He was nuts.
Then, just as he was about to agree to date her, he found out that yes, it's true, the guy was crazy. But - so is she.
And even if someone was a healthy individual beforehand, a divorce is going to leave it's own baggage, which (knowing my luck) will probably be overweight.
1. Don't ever, ever date a guy who has withheld a get from his ex-wife. Ever. There is no good excuse for that. None. If he's done it once, he'll do it again. It is an evil abuse of power.
2. I believe strongly that divorced people should date mostly divorced people and never-marrieds should date mostly never-marrieds. It's not a hard and fast rule and there are lots of opportunities for exceptions. Divorced people have the bond of having been in a marriage and knowing what's it's like to be on the other side. Never-married simply have no idea what that's like, and I think that's a significant difference. And yes, the baggage issue is very important. When I was divorced, I could not have related to someone who was baggage-free. And that certainly works in reverse as well.
sam-
yes, this is the other possibility that i left out. they both could be crazy!
webgirl-
i would never date anyone who has withheld a get from his ex-wife.i agree with you. if he's done it once he will do it again.
generally i get along best with someone who is never-married just because we have more similarities . its just that its hard to completely eliminate dating divorced men from the already small pool of men available to date.
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