happy birthday to me

it was my birthday today. alot has happened between this birthday and last birthday. im definitely in a much better place this year than i was last year. this actual birthday was alot better than last year's . my last actual birthday was a downer, but thankfully it was not a sign of what was yet to come.
birthdays always make me ruminate about the things ive accomplished in life versus the things id like to achieve. i often get stuck on the things ive yet to achieve. i guess its human nature. if i was a more competitive person this might challenge me, instead im often immobilized by it. the thing is, having things to look forward to means one is still alive. this is always a good thing. life truly is a state of renovation and reinvention. stagnation is death. thus i try the best i can to muddle through and be positive.
on my birthday i am always grateful for my close friends and for my family who without them i would not be able to survive. life is such a gift and i try to savor every moment. no matter how old i may think i am now i know that thirty years from now i will look at pictures of myself from today and wish i looked as i do now.

inglourious basterds

i saw the movie inglourious basterds last night. im not usually a quentin tarantino fan, but i really enjoyed this movie.
inglourious basterds is a movie about a young woman trying to survive nazi france and avenge her family's murder and a vengeful motley crew of jewish american soldiers led by decidedly non-jewish , southern brad pitt who try to kill as many nazis as possible.
this movie is a jewish fantasy of what we wish we could have done to the nazis.
time out magazine suggested that it was perhaps too brutal for the jews to avenge nazis so brutally. i say poppycock! this movie is tame compared to what those basterds did to the jews.
the nazi folly in this movie is reminiscent of hogan's heroes. the balance between comedy and drama is delicately meted out.
though close to three hours long, it was not boring. i didnt even realize that much time had elapsed. i thoroughly recommend this movie.

another monday night of take out

i know ive made this rant before, but tonight it warrants repeating. i just cant take it. since i live in midwood where mountain fruit and glatt mart close before i get home from work on monday nights i spent twenty minutes waiting in line at jerusalem steakhouse for my dinner. apparently everyone but me eats cholent leftovers on mondays because the stores close before eight o'clock which is when i get home on mondays. the five others who ran out of leftover cholent were at jerusalem steakhouse on avenue m waiting for their dinners. i gotta get a job where i get home at six o'clock so i dont have to buy take out on mondays. either that or i have to cut out some of my sunday fun and make sure i have enough food for dinner on monday night. sheesh. the life of a single person.

the signs are on the lampposts

i usually dont pay much attention to lamppost signs, but this one was a doozy. i dont remember the exact words, but basically it said that some bochur who wants to get married and have a family needs our help because he needs some procedure. dont get me wrong, everyone who is having a medical problem deserves to have help, but because they are human and deserve to be in proper health, not because they want to get married and have a family. if he was elderly would he not deserve to be well? if he never will have children, doesnt he still deserve to be well? i do hope this young man gets whatever help he needs, but not just because he wants to get married and have a family. will people only have pity on a sick person if they want to get married and have a family? i somehow think that the torah does not make that kind of stipulation.
i dont remember whether i saw that lamppost in boro park or flatbush, but im pretty sure that i saw it on avenue j last night. scary....

summer and psoriasis

the only two things i like about summer are wearing sandals and the fact that there are alot of free events in new york in the summer, otherwise im really not a fan. every summer my psoriasis gets worse. this year it wasn't as bad as it could have been because it wasn't as scorching as usual.
compared to many who have psoriasis my case is not so bad. its all relative. even if its not so bad its not so good either. this year i had the honor of having psoriasis on my right eyelid. let me tell you its not too cute. i looked like someone had socked me in the eye. whenever psoriasis manifests in the eye area it is on my right eye. when i get migraines the pain is greatest behind my right eye. i wonder what that means?
ive been tempted just to stay holed up at home weekends so i wouldn't have to deal with the pitying looks of friends as they ask me what is wrong with my eyelid. if i would stay home my eyelid skin would be all id obsess about. this is why i go out anyway. for sanity's sake.
finally the medication kicked in and my lid is starting to look and feel more normal. bh. when its bad my upper lid looks very dry and wrinkly which scares me.when it first happened i was afraid it would stay that wrinkly. it did not . it went away.
even if my hands get a little dry in the winter its nothing compared to the itchy mayhem i experience in the summer before the drugs kick in and give me relief.
i cant wait until fall which is my favorite season. fall weather is cooler. my skin itches less and its not as hot so i can breathe.

vanity of the eyelash

the latest mishigas is long eyelashes. brooke sheilds has them! how did she get them? with latisse. latisse is made out of the glaucoma drop lumagen and repackaged as a lash enhancing drop. when will the vanity end? long eyelashes are an unexpected perk for those who chas v'shalom have glaucoma, but to use a glaucoma drop when one doesnt have glaucoma to achieve long lashes? is this really a necessity? what are the long term effects on someone using latisse if they dont have glaucoma? will it accelerate ones chances of actually getting glaucoma? lumagen can cause green eyes to go brown. is this a possible side effect of latisse? how much does someone want long lashes for someone to take this risk?
my mom unfortunately has glaucoma. she uses lumagen and has blue-gray eyes that b"h are still blue-gray. though she has amazing eyelashes , she would trade them for not having glaucoma. lush as mom's lashes are, she still wears mascara when she goes out.
these days there are alot of good volumizing mascaras out there. lashblast by covergirl, colossal volume by maybelliene and 2000 calorie by max factor are all fabulous . they are also all drugstore brands. latisse is $120 dollars a month. do the math. why use a medication for something that can be achieved merely with makeup?

rejection

i saw the movie hes just not that into you a few months ago. drew barrymore wines that in this day in age one checks their e-mail, cellphone messages , text messages as well as her old-fashioned landline answering machine just to find she has been rejected by so many versions of technology. rejection still stings the old fashioned way no matter which technology gives us the ax. too bad technology cant alleviate heartbreak.

under lock and key

on sunday while i was flipping through some cool books at urban outfitters i came across a book of postcards. one of the postcards really struck a chord. here goes: ' i ran away when you tried to find the key to my heart and i found someone else who will never want to find it. '
i pray that this will never be my postcard. relationships can be scary especially if i like someone, but i hope i am brave enough to face the challenge.

UHO

when i was walking down fifth avenue today a black man approached me and asked me for tzedakah . yes, and he used the word tzedakah. then he said to me " come on, just put some money in the pushkah. its a mitzvah. its a mitzvah." i burst out laughing . it was the funniest thing ive ever heard. he was one of those dudes from the united homeless organization who position themselves all over manhattan with their plastic jugs that say UHO. as i was laughing the man continued to say that he does his research, he knows his people. i usually dont pay much attention to these beggars, but he was so original i just had to. i even gave him a dollar. i wish id taken his photo. too bad. even without a picture this episode is forever etched in my memory as one of those "only in new york" moments.

we are living in a jaded universe.

i'd like to take a moment to say that it really stinks that there are so very many jaded people out there these days. its not just the people older than me, its also those my junior. there is very little optimism, just alot of acceptance of a bleak life sentence.

defining moments

the first day of school, bar/bat mitzvahs, weddings, moving into a new house, graduation day, first day at a new job, are all defining moments in a person's life. these are clearly defined moments in life. sometimes there are defining moments one has that at the time one doesnt realize how great an impact they will have on one's life.
after college i lived in kew gardens in hills for about a year. one afternoon i was walking down main street and i just happened to run into a friend from college i hadnt seen in a few years. by then she had gotten married and was back from a year in israel with her husband. now we are still in touch. to me this was a defining moment because had we not run into each other at that exact space in time we may not have still been in touch now.
i went to a party seven years ago and met a lot of new people . i met a few guys there that i later ended up having relationships with at different times during these past seven years. at the time it was just a party. a few friends of mine had moved out of their parents house and it was their first apartment. it was their first party . i guess for them it was a defining moment . in another way it was a defining moment for me . a moment which at the time seemed just average, but turned out not being very average at all.
over the years i have had dead-weight friends who i was just too polite to get rid of . i would try to ignore them and perhaps they would go away. needless to say that was not enough. once i was discussing this dilemma with a friend who straight out said"why are you still friends with x? get rid of people like that in your life. they just weigh you down!" and i did. ive never looked back..... this was a major defining moment in my life. i cant be so polite to someone else that im making myself miserable!
there are so many moments that have transformed and shaped my life. too many to count. sometimes i can look back and identify them. more often i cannot.

flash without substance.

often when dating i find that who i think the person is initially does not match who they become once i get to know him. someone homely can become an adonis and a total hottie can evolve into ugly as sin. and of course there are many levels in between. often someone can sport a particular persona when in a group while one on one they can be the opposite. ive met alot of guys like this. at first they seem very convivial, and then you spend time with them and their true nature is that of a depressed dodo. there are alot of guys who have alot of flash without substance. they seem interesting, but after spending quality time with them i have found that they possess zero quality. once in awhile i find someone who is more solid. someone who has strength of character. the search continues!

seven things i love

ive been tagged by the jewish side of the babysitter in a meme seven things i love . at the end i will tag seven other bloggers.

1. i love fall weather
2. i love book readings and especially love celebrity book readings
3. i love photography
4. i love meeting new people
5. i love blogging
   
6. i love when i have friends who really know and understand who i am and i know and understand who they are.
7. i love walking through central park in the spring and summer.

im now tagging seven people: mike, katrina, mak,quack, levadi, brainexposed, dys