that's so bald!

when i was in college when someone wanted to say something was stupid, they would say it was so bald. im not exactly sure how the term was coined, but i always found it funny.
some women i know say they specifically do not want to date bald men. im not sure why. so long as a guy has a nice face, who cares. alot of men go bald with age anyway. if you meet him when he's already bald then there is no surprise as to what he will look like if he goes bald. he's already bald.
obviously a guy with hair is preferable , but im sure alot of guys would prefer a girl with modelsque looks instead of the average usuals, but we all have to be realistic.
the bald not bald dilemma does change with age. when you're 20 most men in their early twenties have hair. there might be a little bit receding there, but usually there's hair.
by late twenties , early thirties alot of guys , especially jewish guys, start to lose it. they become very self conscious about it. some bald guys even bring pictures of themselves when they had hair to show me on a first date. big no-no.
my favorite is watching television with guys who actually have hair but its starting to recede. they will see an actor who has alot of hair and comment on what great hair he has. funny thing is , it would never have crossed my mind to mention said actor's hair. it just takes an envious guy to notice this.
dating a bald guy vs dating a guy with hair on his head is a non-issue to me. baldness is just a physical attribute, its not a personality trait or defect. there are so MANY other more serious issues to ponder in dating and baldness should not be one of them.

the crying game

im a very sensitive person. sometimes im overcome by emotion and i actually cry. its quite embarrassing. the worst time to cry is at work. sometimes im really angry but instead of shouting, tears flow . i know that im not the only work crier. ive seen others cry at work. work crying really sucks. you think you are in control , but then you cry. because work is stressful its hard to stop that crying once its begun. ive read in some women's magazines that crying at work is a big no-no. well duh! no one actually wants to cry at work. it just happens.
nyc is a tough place for a crier to live. people who drive everywhere can cry in their cars when overcome by emotion. in new york when one has a crappy day one can cry publicly on the subway platform. mostly people just ignore the crier. hell , its new york. watching someone cry is the least weird thing one hopes will happen on the subway platform. its still quite embarrassing. occasionally a sympathetic soul has offered me a tissue. that's always nice. fortunately they never have asked me why i was crying. too personal. the tissue gifter doesn't want to know and frankly sometimes talking about why im crying makes me want to cry more.
as much as im embarrassed that im a crier, i do believe that its better than ignoring my feelings altogether. one cant confront ones issues of sadness if one cant admit one is sad.
that said, im equally able to laugh as to cry, so it cant be all bad.

new york state of mind

living in new york is a weird experience. when i lived in the midwest no one would revel in living in the midwest or talk about the midwest like an actual being. in new york, new york is a being. its a topic . sometimes its nice to leave new york because one does not have to constantly hear people speak about new york and new yorkers. its a very egocentric existence. its almost as if new york is a country instead of a state.
after 9/11 people would talk about the devastation as if it it only affected new york and new yorkers. a major part of the devastation happend here , but it really happend to the united states not just to new york city and the tri-state area.

elections?

im embarrassed to be asking this question, but heck, im going to ask anyway. are the new york mayorial elections really on november 3 ? ive been busy recovering from yom tov that ive completely forgotten about it. i know bloomberg is running, but who is the other candidate? attention nyc readers, please help me out with this one!!!

for better or for worse

the only issue that men have worse than women in dating is the height issue. short women have an easier time finding a spouse than a short man. however, this issue is only equal to the beauty discrepancy between men and women. a beautiful woman will date an ugly man. even an ugly man will not likely date an ugly woman.
the second place position where men could have it worse is parnassah. if a man is unstable in the money making department he wont get very far. less men are concerned with how wealthy their future spouse is (unless of course he is jobless and then he cares very much), so a womans wealth is less important.
THATS IT. i suppose the height issue is worse than the parnassah issue. one can change ones employment status, but one cant change ones height.
i still dont pity short men. nothing trumps the age issue . women always have it worse. even an old man wants a much younger woman. a short man can wear platform shoes. no one can actually get younger.

a healthy substitute

im not vegan, but i hate recipes that call for eggs. i use two eggs, and then the egg carton just sits there. im not a big egg eater. i like to sprinkle milled flax seed onto yogurt. its good for omega 3 and fiber. well.... lo and behold on the package of milled flax seed it says that you can substitute i tbsp of milled flax seed and 3 tablespoons of water instead of an egg. ive tried it several times. i made muffins and a duncan hines mix with this substitution . both came out great.

kid stuff

i know that time marches on and as one gets older one has to be open to dating someone who has kids. this concept never thrills me because though ive always wanted to have kids of my own, i always wanted to have them after at least nine months of marriage, not at the first day of marriage. aside from numerous other considerations in this department the one thing that always throws me for a loop is this one. WHAT do you do if you're dating someone with a kid and they show you their childs photo and you just think they are just so (fill in the blank) and you dont think that you could relate to them? i realize that this is just a picture and though worth a thousand works it doesnt necessary portray the best image of said child, but still. even if i might really like the guy im always thinking, sheesh i hope his genetics arent real strong. this kid is ugly as sin, snotty, jappy, chutzpadick, etc. you pick your character defect. once this did happen to me but the relationship didnt last long enough for this to be a problem. the thing is it did make me wonder what would have happened if it would have progressed further. would it have progressed further? could i have gotten past this ? would i want a kid who would look and act like this spawn? its hard to know for sure. when someone has a kid they are a stronger part of them than their future intended. so you really gotta like this kid. or ditch the relationship.

i never really dated anyone with kids for all that long for me to have to really face this issue, its just something i ponder every so often.

SCREAMING MIMIS!!!

one thing i can never get used to is the propensity of many frum jewish families in new york who yell at each other non-stop. its not that they are always angry with each other, its just their normal mode of speaking. being originally from the midwest, it makes me feel like my blood pressure is rising just listening to them.
i used to go to a few screaming mimi families for shabbos. no more. they were nice sincere people, but by the time i left their homes i would be shaking from the high decibel level of their voices.
at work there are a few screaming mimis. for the most part i try to tune them out ( not very easy) but when things naturally get stressful it becomes harder to tune them out.
just today a screaming mimi was shouting for me with the intensity of a 9/11 firefighter on the 88th floor of the world trade center. of course screaming mimis are like peter and the wolf. they are always crying wolf . when confronted they never realize that their decibel level is capable of upping their co-workers blood pressure medication . i keep hoping screaming mimi gets a severe case of laryngitis asap . if not, im going to have to invest in a good pair of earplugs soon!

challenges

i think everyone's mother has told them to just be oneself when dating and someone will love us for who we are. easier said than done. ever the crowd pleaser, its easy to figure out what someone else likes and try to be it. the problem is if what someone else wants in a prospective date isnt what one is and one tries to be this just to please the other. not good. its hard being honest and really being oneself. its hard to find out that when one is ones true self someone else may not like them. if things dont work out and one wasnt ones true self it doesnt really soften the blow anyway. not only has one been dumped, but one has been dumped for being someone one never was in the first place.
this is a maxim ive learned long ago, but i still find it a challenge. its hard if im rejected for being my true self, but its equally stinging to be rejected for pretending to be someone im not.
thankfully ive had several relationships with those who have gotten to know the true me so i know that its possible . i also have learned that though things may not have worked out the way i would have wanted them to i realized that my real self is likable. and its so much better to be honestly oneself . acceptance is so important. without it there is no relationship. if one isnt oneself in a relationship one cant be accepted by the other person .

scratchy situations

we all get annoyed with friends and often part ways. its all a part of life. it sucks, but it happens. what happens afterward is the true test of one's humanity. just because i may have unfriended battle ax doesnt mean that everyone else has. or worse battle ax may have unfriended me and everyone else hasnt yet been undfriended by battle ax.
when i see someone unfriending a friend of mine, unless i have reason to unfriend them, i will still be friends with the unfriended. sometimes people cant make peace with one another but that doesnt mean that i have to follow their lead.
when i have been the unfriended it becomes a whole other ball of wax. i always hope that the remaining friends have my attitude of not dumping a friend just because one of my friends have dumped them. i also know that im not one of the lucky ones who always gets defended when dumped upon so i give up on anyone defending me. my philosophy is that people are idiots and you'll be friends with no one if you hold people up to too high a standard. even i have my limits, but i usually can deal. i also know that even though i may not be defended, the unjust dumper wont be able to convince others not to be friends with me. eventually unjust dumpers will dump everyone and be left to stew in their own juices anyway.
ive been in many uncomfortable situations and usually even if i dont prefer a particular person who is present i try to be civil. its bettter if things dont escalate to the uncomfortable. not because i care a wink about the those who i dislike, its just that id rather not feel uncomfortable when im trying to enjoy a social situation.

too much yom tov

i think im all yom toved out! i was in shul today and read a placard that said " he who saves a single soul its as if he has saved an entire world." and i thought it said "he who saves a single's soul its as if he's saved an entire world." end the madness now!!!

a new approach

many cringe when they see lubavitchers approaching . i suggest rethinking this gut reaction. lubavitchers go out of their way to speak to jews who do not look exactly as they do. this is a good thing. often the unaffiliated jew becomes self-hating. this especially occurs while trying to fit in with the secular world. this is extremely dangerous. it is important for all of us who are observant to make sure those who are not affiliated feel welcome. this does not necessarily mean trying to convert them to be exactly like us. we just need to make sure they do not feel alienated from the greater jewish culture/religion. they need to feel like judaism can be an option for them . the door is still open.
one may not want to be as daring as the lubavitcher, but one has to respect their tenacity and ahavas yisroel that many other jews do not have.
hitler hated jews because of our association with judaism. let us learn to appreciate our judaism and our fellow jews. without having to have some rasha point it out. no one should feel abandoned.
chag sameach!

no good deed goes unpunished

there is no justice in this world. no, i havent just figured this out. its just been getting to me lately.
if you are a good worker and you slip up one time you are held under a microscope for your actions. if you are a lousy worker no one thinks much of it. after all what can one expect. it definitly pays to be the outlaw.
there are alot of cool simchas bais hashoavah parties for chozrei b'tshuvah. these parties like to ban the frumahs. the frummies could be a bad influence on the brain washing. there arent any cool parties for the already frum . they should not have been born frum, then they would be admitted to the cool parties.
i unfortunately have a very vapid family member who unjustly is defended for their actions more than i ever have been or ever will be by my family. this is precisely because they are so vapid. instead of simple validation for being disgusted with such frivolity this gets defended and those of good character are forced to hear the praises of those who are bottomless pits of attention sapping. it pays to be a b@#$@h.
after all.... no good deed goes unpunished....

braces

a few years ago my co-worker and i were chatting and we realized that our rich bosses who grew up rich were missing one very important attribute. STRAIGHT TEETH. all that money and yet their rich parents did not give them braces. as someone who wore braces for three years and who has four siblings and two parents who also wore braces i find this appalling! i always thought that the quest for straight teeth was a jewish rite of passage! alot of brooklyn-jews also lack the we're jewish we must have straight teeth gene.
over yom tov i was chatting with a cute guy and i kept thinking that though he was cute there was just something.... something that was amiss. ... he had the most crooked teeth. i cant explain it , but it really irks me. ..
i know that braces cost money, but so does dental work for crooked teeth- for all of the cavities that grow under crooked teeth. i have several friends who wore braces as young adults and now they have beautifully straight teeth.
i have dated guys who obviously did not have braces as teens but its often very hard to get past . i know that its shallow of me, but i just have a thing for straightened teeth...

tishrei blues

when the goyim talk about the holiday season its a joke. its two days . x-mas and new years. and if you want to count thanksgiving day its three days. big whoop. they are depressed and on the brink of suicide over three days. well the goyim have nothing on us jews. we have a holiday MONTH. tishrei. there's a good reason judaism isnt a missionary religion. jews tend to have a corner on mental illness to begin with, but the christian converts would not be able to handle a month of yom tov!
but seriously folks, i like the jewish holiday season of tishrei, but it can be a bit depressing for us single folk. the torah reading on rosh hashanah can really depress us single chics . if chana and sarah were so beloved and yet they had troubles having kids whats in store for us regular people? ive always heard that hashem loves to hear the davening of tzadikim and this is why they are always tested. well... enough tests. i dont think i can take any more of this.
the holiday season lightens up tonight when sukkot begins. another holiday to remind me i have no on to spend it with... and next week is simchas torah. unless one is on the upper west side this is no holiday for single women. the hakafot are really boring in brooklyn unless i have a few good friends to schmooze with.
well folks ... there is always next year... until then have a happy tishrei and a joyous sukkot!