farmville

now that my facebook farmville addiction has subsided farmville has decided to pop up in my life in a different venue . i was at 7-11 on avenue m yesterday and i noticed what i thought was a mirage in the freezer section. then i realized it wasn't a mirage. it was real. farmville ice cream really exists. and its OUD. of course i had to buy it. ive already tried a scoop. vanilla . it was ok. but im not addicted to farmville anymore so i wont buy another pint. (i hope!)

good hair

i recently watched chris rock's documentary good hair which is about the quest for black women to have good hair. as a curly haired white jewish woman i thought that i could relate. well i could, but not as much as i thought.

no matter how many perms straight haired women get, straight hair is still the optimal hair type for all people. i remember watching those hair commercials on tv where i would watch those straight haired women bounce their shiny straight hair and i would be so envious. you never see a curly haired woman in a shampoo commercial . curly hair doesn't bounce and its not shiny unless you have used waaayyy too much gel.

it is no secret that a lot of curly haired jewish women have blow outs, use a hair iron or do japanese hair straightening. some adhere so strictly to these regiments that they never wash their own hair and they are afraid of what will happen when their future husbands figure out that they really have curly hair. sometimes no one finds out until that curly haired baby is born!

black women of course hold the prize for hair straightening. as a kid i never realized that straight haired black women had straighted their hair. i thought they were all just wearing wigs.

black women straighten their hair to look more like white people . black women straighten there hair as well as get hair weaves. i think that hair weave straight hair looks more natural.

hair weaves like sheitles are often made of indian hair. chris rock went to india to investigate the hair industry in india. he showed the "religious " ceremony they have where they shave off all of their hair so they can make lots of money off of their hair.

i learned that this documentary is less about hair and more about what lengths a black woman will go to to look more white. though i may have "bad hair " i am white which means it does not matter that i have "bad hair". i also learned that even with all of the lengths these women go through to make themselves look more white they still look very black to me. they should really save their money and be at peace with their hair and their skin color.they will certainly save a lot of money that way. it is so important to be at peace with who one is.

topsy turvy

i was shopping in the 34th street area in nyc this past tuesday afternoon. when i happened passed mrs. fields cookies it looked like it had a kashrus certificate on the wall. i walked in and after taking a closer look i realized it indeed was a certificate pertaining to the qualifications of the food in the establishment, but it was not certifying the food in the manner in which i had first thought. it was an arabic "kashrus" certificate. i did not know such a thing exists. there was not kashrut certificate in sight. moshiach must be coming soon.....

sad but true

as a single never been married woman i often am rejected on frumster by many divorced men. they often say that they prefer divorced women. i dont usually think much about it, but recently i actually met one of these guys who rejected me because i am not divorced. the sad part is that though he has kids and his profile says he is divorced he is not divorced, yet he has no qualms about rejecting me because im not divorced! he's not divorced either! he never gave his wife a get! im just not divorced because ive never been married! how could he have rejected ME? he is such a loser. i should have been the one rejecting him because he is a dishonorable married man.

in secular culture there is a concept of being "separated" from one's spouse . in orthodox judaism being "separated " means that there was no get given so basicly one is considered married. the only way for an orthodox couple to be separated is if they are divorced.

i would never date a man who has not given his wife a get. the chutzpah of these non-get giving husbands is apalling. the only ones who they are fooling are themselves. that said it is fortunate to be able to see through these these jokers for who they really are so no hearts are broken in vain.

eat drink and be merry

some people like to say that life is short so they will live each day like its their last. im all for maximizing one's life, but id find it depressing to always feel as though the curtain of death is just a few winks away.

i think that it is important to make sure you tell your loved ones often how much you love and cherish them.

lastly, one should fill one's life with friends who help uplift one's life. and in general try to consciously appreciate all of life's blessings

yizkor

its very interesting how during the shalosh regalim yizkor is said. is it because even when we are happy we are supposed to be sad? or is it because we should officially remember our departed loved ones on a holiday because they are not here to celebrate with us? i don't claim to know why.

some people wait a year after their loved one dies to say yizkor, others say it on the first holdiay yizkor is said and thereafter. i decided to start saying yizkor on the first holiday yizkor can be said. there was so much postponement with my father's death (as in the shivah ) that i decided that i would start saying yizkor as soon as it was possible. i must say its a weird experience. i have always looked forward to the yizkor service on the shalosh regalim and especially on yom kippur because it was an opportunity to have a break during davening. oh well.. no more. now i get to participate in the yizkor service.

at first it was hard for me to understand why it is that a child mourns a parent for a year, but a parent who loses a child only mourns a month. now i understand. a parent is supposed to pass on before a child . even though it is hard to process it is not as difficult as a parent losing a child . this is not the way of nature. if a parent had to be in avelus for a whole year after losing a child they may not be able to take it.

a spouse only mourns a lost spouse for a month. this isn't because they should remarry. someone could remarry even if they are in avelus. i think that the real reason is because a spouse is a peer.( same as a sibling who one mourns only one month) also if they were required to have all of the restrictions of avelus for a whole year it could be fatal.

the only time one is required to do a whole year for avelus is for a parent because this is the natural order of life. even though it can be extremely painful to lose a parent, no matter what one's relationship was with them was, a child can take the year of restrictions because it is more for honoring ones parent than for one to be in a state of depression for a year. a child is able to do this whereas a sibling, spouse or parent cannot.

yizkor means to remember. to remember the deceased is not to remember how they died but to remember how they lived even though we wish it were longer.

shavuot

its hard to believe that shavuot is already here. its been almost seven weeks since my dad passed away. it seems like even longer ago. time flies. time heals.

have a meaningful shavuot everyone. enjoy the cheesecake ( unless of course you are lactose intolerant!)

veggie pride parade

i was in union square today which was the end of the line for the veggie pride parade. what is the veggie pride parade you ask? its a parade where everyone dresses up like vegetables or bloody people to celebrate their devotion to the vegan philosophy.

being a non-vegan , meat eating, vegetable lover i took pamphlets and magazines that had some nice pareve recipes.

over the loud speaker people were lecturing the small crowd of people about the evils of dairy and beef.

i missed the annual village halloween parade this year due to rainy weather, so it was fun to see the gruesome costumes today. it adds a whole new dimension to see people dressed as (literally) bloody nurses, doctors and corpses in day light.

some of the vegan propaganda stated that the difference between vegetarianism and veganism is that vegetarianism is a diet and veganism is a philosophy. due to the animal rights aspect of both isms i would say that both qualify as religions. veganism as the ultra-orthodox version . vegetarianism is the conservadox version.

bad assumptions

after i graduated college i had "friends" who would tell me that i didn't want to get married when i was in college. whenever they said this i would respond "that's news to me". they were assuming that just because i didnt get married when i was in college that i must not have wanted to. now while it is true that i didnt date anyone that i wanted to marry when i was in college that doesnt mean that i did not want to get married when i was in college.

recently someone told me that they thought that anyone without children is selfish. bad assumption. just because one does not have children does not mean that one does not want children. since this was a divorced guy i was especially offended. alot of single men are EXTREMELY selfish. the other thing is that for a single woman without children to marry a divorced man with kids she is the one with the short end of the stick. she is marrying a man with lots of baggage. she is single but does not have the baggage of of a divorce. this type of guy isnt always so optimistic about a future marriage because he is divorced . he also wants to make sure no one "takes advantage" of him as much as his first wife did so he is planning on being less giving than he was to his first wife because she had "dumped" on him so much. im assuming alot about this divorced man. i may or may not be right. THIS IS THE POINT.

NEVER ASSUME.

photos at a cemetery

many years ago my co-worker told me that he took photos of the cemetery that his father was buried in because he knew that he may not be able to visit the cemetery so often.

at the time my co-worker told me this i didn't think all that much about it either way. i didn't think it was weird yet i really didn't know what to think.

several years after my co-worker shared this , i saw photos that my family had taken of headstones in the shtetl before they left europe. it was actually kind of neat.

when my grandmother passed away nine years ago i took pictures of the headstones of my deceased relatives. surprisingly it did not seem odd. i saw the headstone of my beloved great-aunt who passed away when i was three years old. i realized that the reason i remembered her and her favorite pink housecoat bit i couldn't remember her face was because she passed away when i was so small.

being an avid photographer i wanted to take pictures of the cemetery my father was buried in but i didn't want to be disrespectful so this time i took photos with my cellphone camera. im glad i did. the day of the funeral was so beautiful. it made me think that my father must be resting in peace . my photos help me evoke this feeling as opposed to just sadness. it is indeed a brachah to be buried on a sunny day because it makes it easier for elderly friends and relatives to attend. if we believe someone can live od mayah v'esrim (until 120 yrs old) then there will surely be alot of elderly at the funeral. alas as in my poor father's case , he wasn't especially old, but there were many elderly friends and relatives who had an easier time paying their respects due to the pleasant weather.

p.s. this photo is just in the cemetery in general.

Holy Cow! Kosher Beef Jerky- what will they think of next?

Happy Mother's Day

ive always thought of mother's day and father's day as important days. they wake a person up and force them to be thankful they have parents and for everything that their parents have done for them. this year mother's day has an even stronger meaning. my father has passed away and my mother is now my only living parent. i have always been grateful for her presence in my life, but now it is even more dear. it is so important to appreciate people when they are alive and in your life , when they can hear and see your appreciation. to all the mothers out there happy mother's day. and to everyone , appreciate your mother today and and everyday.

its a lonely world out there....

i was in the elevator in my apartment building this morning and i had a light bulb went off. not literally but figuratively. i wasn't alone in the elevator. my co-elevator riders were a mother and her two children. the little girl was crying and screaming. the mother was trying to calm her down. the little boy who was about two was smiling at me as if nothing else was going on in the elevator. and no, the little boy had nothing to do with why his sister was having a tantrum. it was the funniest thing. the little boy was so oblivious to what was going on in this tiny elevator space. this to me is the essence of life. someone could be in the deepest of pain and others will cast a blind eye towards them no matter how loud they are emoting. everyone is in their own world.

judaism in flux

the idea of sara horowitz the modern orthodox version of a woman rabbi has been denounced by mainstream orthodoxy. i have read that some think the reaction to this will be for many disgruntled orthodox jewish woman to leave orthodoxy. others believe that if the mainstream orthodox establishment would have condoned the rabbah or any version of a rabbah that this would be a slippery slope toward reform judaism.

i don't believe that any woman who truly is an orthodox jew would cast off all of the mitzvot just because they wish women could be part of the clergy. where would these women fit in jewishly otherwise? conservative and reform judaism are too watered down . the reform judaism of a hundred years ago may have suited them , but not the reform judaism of today. this is why i suggest that these woman will go in yet a different direction. they will form their own feminist version of orthodox judaism. in fact many already have. i am aware of private minyanim where there is a mechitzah but sometimes women lead parts of the service from the women's section. they aren't completely orthodox but i wouldn't consider them conservative judaism either. im not sure what i think of this concept, but i think that more of these minyanim will develop.

i do understand why the mainstream does not agree with the rabbah/maharat/female orthodox rabbi model. they are afraid of the slippery slope. one diverges from the tradition of exclusively male lay leaders , which isn't actually assur and then slowly the non-conformity will veer too far from the right and start turning into conservative and reform judaism .

tv therapy

im the first to admit that there is a lot of junk on television. normally im just too busy to veg out in front of the boob tube. however.... when im down television is the best medicine. if my mind is running in ten different directions the best thing to calm it down is to watch a mindless sitcom.

the freedom writers

i just finished reading a most incredible book compiled by erin gruwell and her students called the freedom writers . erin gruwell is a white woman who taught kids from the hood to channel their anger into writing using the diary of anne frank as a catalyst. reading the diaries of these high school students is a rude awakening. there are fourteen year olds who are jaded by drunk or druggie parents and have been molested by parents or family "friends". so many of their friends and relatives are in jail or have been murdered. most adults ( bh) have not experienced as much adversity as these teenagers. because there is so much corruption around them many cannot rise above it. many do not have a support system that could help them rise above their lot. erin gruwell created a classroom that was supportive . she also had them read books and diaries of those who rose above hate and racism so they would not feel like their suffering is debilitating. she encouraged them to share their own stories through writing their own journals.

reading this book made me thankful that i did not grow up in the hood.

after teaching this group of students for four years erin gruwell taught college courses to create future educators how who will foster a nurturing teaching environment for students from backgrounds like the freedom writers so their students will be able to rise above their "destiny" .