old pictures

when i look at old family photos i imagine what it would be like to jump into the pictures and relive those captured moments. i imagine the love i would feel immersed with long gone relatives. as much as i wish i could jump back into those moments  i also know that once loved ones have passed on they continue living within you and within your memories. its hard to explain if you have never experienced it. for better or for worse i have. they have left this earth. or so you think. there essense continues to live via what you have learned from them and what you remember of them.

happy birthday to me

its that time again. birthday time. well first i will say that its great  to be alive . life is such a gift.  though i may spend a lot of time complaining  i am very grateful for good friends and family who keep me sane. its been a good year although it could have been  better. i still have not accomplished all i would like to .then again who has?
l'chaim to all for a great year full of health, happiness and blogging.

the goldbergs

the goldbergs is a 1950's sitcom about a jewish family who live in the bronx. i  did not hear of this show until the 1990's . since i have discovered the goldbergs   i have viewed many episodes at the jewish museum and the museum of television and radio both in nyc. netflix has the last season of the show when they move to the suburbs.
short of buying the the ultimate goldbergs  full sereis collection one can now view many episodes of the goldbergs on amazon.com . you can buy an episode at a time or buy amazon prime membership to view it online. i must tell you that viewing these shows is the ultimate. they can be a bit corny at times but hearing gertrude berg (mrs. goldberg) talk about her cousin chana leah or her tante elke is so much fun. to think that the shenanigans of a jewish family who act so ethnic could have been on network television is amazing.
i just viewed my new favorite goldbergs  episode. it is episode 7 of season 1 which is about cousin chana leah who is very frustrated by her single daughter and thinks that all of the problems in her life would be solved if her single daughter married. because this series was filmed in the 1950's it is  far from pc  which i found extremely hilarious due to the current shidduch crisis. this episode is so funny and reminds me very much of present day frum jews.

hurricane hoopla

i have  just endured the hurricane hoopla 2011 on the east coast of the united states. except for the fact i have an extreme case of cabin fever i am glad it happened mostly shabbos and saturday night because i didn't have to listen to all of the drama on the news, not that i listened to too much of it last night either.
of course now its bright and sunny and a little bit windy out where i live right now since the "hurricane" has passed.
tell me why is it that i get to be imprisoned at work all week and when i finally catch a break and on the weekend  there is extremely stormy weather or even worse a hurricane? i mean really ,all i want to do is enjoy my free time , get together with friends and do my errands. im not asking for much.

Hurricane-Soulfarm

with all of the hurricane hype these past few days i decided to share my favorite hurricane song with you . (bet you didn't think i had a favorite hurricane song). presenting the song "hurricane" by soul farm. the performance is excellent. please bear with the beginning when they talk too much. the song that follows is amazing.

is change possible?

can people change?  if someone other than myself is the subject of this sentence the answer would have to be no . don't expect others to change because they probably will not. the only person one  can  change is ones self and even that is debatable. i can change my actions but i cannot change my inner self. even if i reach my goal weight and never gain back the lost weight i will always be someone who has to pay attention to what i put in my mouth . i guess its the same concept as people who are members of alcoholics anonymous. members always call themselves alcoholics even if they have been sober for decades.  someone who might have eradicated an explosive temper is still a volatile personality  they just have chosen to temper that part of their persona.

people get very caught up in controlling one's style of dress  and not as much the state of ben adam l'chavero. externals are easier to change. internal behavior is not.

even if you think people are capable of changing i would not depend on it. accept  them for who they are or move on. do not hold your breath. if its hard to control ones own behavior  imagine how hear it is to change someone else's behavior.

im not suggesting that one should never stand up for one's self in the face of others who do not think as perfectly as you do, but realize because they are not you they may never see things or do things the way you do. this is ok. find people whose essence you like and build from that . behaviors might change , but essence does not. 

Is a Jewish Convert obligated to reveal their status? (September 2008)

   i found this link on aliza hausman's website www.alizahausman.net . its very interesting. when you are born jewish you always wonder why someone born not a member of the tribe would want to be one . chaviva galatz discusses a little of the why and mostly the just wanting to blend in with everyone else part because once you are jewish that is what you are.

perverse eating habits

have you ever had desert at shabbos lunch and felt that the hostess enjoyed watching you eat the dessert more than you enjoyed actually eating the dessert? usually the hostess is a size two and is eating two bites of some gross looking diet dessert  as she is forcing everyone else at the table to eat whatever cake / cookie/ mousse/ pareve ice cream that she has served. it goes beyond the stereotypical jewish mother syndrome. these women have forbidden themselves to eat sweets so they feel that by watching someone else eat decadently they will vicariously be eating the sweets. its kind of like if there is some delicious looking treif treat at work  and you watch someone else enjoy it because you can't, except its worse because these women could really eat these desserts they just won't because by eating desert they will risk a fate worse than death . they risk becoming a size four.
i of course can't stand this type of food pusher because they make me feel like they think im fat so they want to make sure i have dessert but of course they are so skinny  they don't need dessert. if they didn't enjoy watching everyone at the table eat the dessert i might actually believe them.

why now ?

my friend's aunt and uncle are getting divorced after 36 years of marriage. it doesn't surprise me that this can happen.. perhaps it hadn't been right between the two of them for awhile and now finally they are ending it. it can be hard to break away from the familiar even if the familiar should be broken away from.
i myself have been at a job for a long time. it was a very good job for a long time, but now it is not. it takes a lot to remove ones self from one's comfort zone even if one knows it is the right thing to do. i realize that leaving a job is still different than leaving a marriage, but the similarity is that leaving something one has been committed to a for a long time can be difficult.

revenge of the nerds

whenever a nerdy or loser guy that roams ocean parkway gets engaged i am truly happy - perhaps more for myself than for him. it means that another nerd is off the market and won't be bothering me anymore. relief at last . oh and the side effect is that he is happily engaged to someone. its win-win.

frumster messages

 i just checked my e-mail and i noticed that i had a message from frumster. nothing like getting one's hope's dashed. i got a message  from someone 15 years my junior. i really ought to report all the sleazoids who do this.its not like they met me in person and didn't know my age, they see that my age is 15 years older than theirs and they contact me anyway. no they are not looking for a meaningful relationship. not with me anyway.

the thing i absolutely love about these bozos is that  when i look at their profiles i realize that if i was really in their age range i would think that they were good guys. this is what is so upsetting. its not like someone younger is going to know which one of these frumster guys are on the prowl for "lonely"  older women. 

the other upsetting part is that these young fools look good compared to the men 15-20 years older than me who sometimes contact me. i guess im just out of luck.

change

change is a part of life. we are born babies. we grow into children. we become adults. people who are close to us move away. loved ones get old and die. we go to kindergarten, high school and perhaps college . we change jobs . even the seasons change. change can be fun , like when you visit a new country , meet a new friend, move to a new house. but it is still change . change can be scary to those of us who like things to stay just the way they are now that we have gotten used to the way things are. sometimes it seems that there is  too much change and no time to just smell the roses. but then again even roses change. they blossom and then they wilt.

train etiquette

there is nothing i like better than a peaceful train ride to work spent reading and sipping dunkin donuts coffee. i talk all day long at work so i treasure not speaking to anyone on my work bound morning train. every so often i run into a friend or acquaintance on my train ride to work and panic sets in.i don't like to be rude, but anything more than a quick 'hi how are you' is too much for me to utter on my morning commute. usually im able to say a quick hello and retreat into reading a book the the rest of the way to work, but i  still feel guilty having to shut people up who are just bored or lonely, but not mean spirited.

by the time i ride home from work im more awake and relaxed so i don't mind chatting on a home bound train. .that  morning chattiness on the other hand gets to me every time

questions and answers

you question judaism . you reconcile your own way of doing things. it may not be the most mainstream, but you find a way of making the mitzvot your own. sometimes its annoying to see others so sure of hashkafos you  no longer call your own. if it upsets you  perhaps its because although you have disowned that way of thinking there are still things about that way of doing things that still get to you. and guess what ? that's okay. maybe take what works for you and leave out what doesn't. or maybe try and be mature enough to realize that just because you may have moved on others have not. what's right for one person may not be right for you and vice versa.  and then own it.
life's too short to get caught up with keeping up with the jones' even religiously. to keep up with the jones' can be good if it helps you strive , but if it hinders  give it up. find the klal you fit in with that helps you grow.

tisha b'av

today is one of the most difficult days on the jewish calender. we mourn the destruction of the beis hamikdash as well as every tragedy in jewish history. every other day of the year we are like the caged bird singing. today we mourn our galus and the loss of our former glory . may mashiach come bimhayrah beyamaynu. have an easy fast.

a generation apart

nothing like netflix to help a person find little known documentaries. one such documentary that i recently found is called a generation apart which is the story of the fisher family . the parents esther and alan  are holocaust survivors.  this is their story and the story of their children joe, jack and danny. the film was made in 1984 and broadcast on pbs. the video has an epilogue shot almost 20 years later with the family  as well as a commentary of the original documentary with alan and jack.
i wouldn't say that this is the best documentary of its kind but i do think that is worthwhile.
because so much had been taken away from them survivors put a lot of pressure on their children to be high achievers. the stories of the past that their parents told them affected their childrens' lives. because the children did not b"h go through the same trauma that their parents had they could not fully understand their parents no matter how much they wanted to.
the nice part of this film is that it is about a real family that could be any jewish family.

not staying on track

when i was in college i had a friend who used to laugh about friends of hers who had been frum for awhile and then went away from it. she would always laugh and say that these friends would say that being frum ruined them from going back to practising judaism as a reform or conservative jew. once they knew how life as an orthodox jew should be any other way of practising it did not seem as meaningful. they would not necessarily become frum again, but being frum had definitely had an impact upon them..
i hadnt really thought about my friends axiom until recently when many bloggers have been trying to reconcile why those who go off the derech completely jump the derech and remain unaffiliated jews.  . perhaps being frum also "ruined" other forms of judaism for them .

wisdom

how does one measure wisdom? is it book smart or does one include sechel- common sense? i personally think that without sechel there is no wisdom.