The Shamayim V'Aretz Institute: Stuff Kosher Meat-Eaters Say To Kosher V...

i  had to share this . i laughed out loud it was so funny. enjoy!

what is modesty?

recently i saw a flyer that said that someone was ill and that in the zechus of women taking it upon themselves to be more tzanua the person would have a full recovery. what exactly does that mean? is it really the way women dress that will make things better or is it the actual midah of modesty?
when i was growing up when tznius was discussed in school the teachers often spoke of the midah of being modest and not the physical parameters of tznius. i personally think that enforcing the midah of modesty would be more productive than enforcing the tznius clothing police.
the midah of modesty is not being a flashy person. it means not  chasing  honor. to be humble. if more people were humble the world would be a better place.
i think if both men and women were more modest in our actions the world would be a better place. there would not be any frum people involved in ponzi schemes if modesty was the goal. when one is happy with one's lot financially there is no need to swindle others.

Orthodox Dress Gets Sexy

there is something a bit disturbing about this video but i'm not quite sure what. it don't think that dressing modestly means that one must dress frumpy, but this is a bit over the top.i don't think that these women are doing anything different than frum women in any part of brooklyn, its just that they are being coerced to actually say what they are thinking. all i can say is that these "hot chanies" dress a whole lot sexier than i ever will in my lifetime. there must be a somewhere all of these girls go to learn how to expertly put on all the makeup and clothing they wear. maybe i should go to the shop featured in this video!

madoff isn't really jewish

 i am sure that the title of this post caught your attention. oh and while i am at it rabashkin isn't really frum and neither are any of the other people who are otherwise shomer mitzvot but were convicted of ponzi schemes as of late.
gimme a break. every time i hear about a frum person involved in a major crime i hear people try to rationalize it by saying "well they weren't really frum" oh really? i disagree. i think that they were frum otherwise. i think that they did something very wrong, but they were actually shomer shabbos otherwise. to be devil's advocate, just because someone does an averah, no matter how large or small it does not blot out all of the mitzvot that they otherwise did do. i am not justifying their crimes, but just because they did a crime does not erase any good that they might have done in their lives.
the other reason i resent it when people like to wax poetically about how these frum people who were involved in embezzlement weren't really frum is because if they weren't caught they wouldnt be saying boo and because the rest of the world thinks these losers are frum. there has to be a better reaction than disassociation. i think that it would be best to say that they were frum and even frum people have nisyonos that they do not always pass and sometimes they give into their yetzer harah and do the wrong thing. they shouldn't do the wrong thing, but sometimes people do mess up big time- even frum people. we are given the laws of the torah because otherwise people would sin. DUH!!  if we were all so perfect just because we were keeping shabbos and kosher that we would not even think of being involved in fraud or an occasional ponzi scheme then "don't steal" would not be one of the ten commandments. HELLO.
instead of disassociating with the fraudsters as members of the tribe or fellow frummies perhaps learn to condemn the sin and try to make sure all of our coreligionists realize that fraud is not ok. we should try and figure out why this is happening in our community so it will stop .

a lesson from the deadbeats

i often get embarrassed when people ask me about what is going on in my life. i always wish that i would have achieved more . i have a stable job , my own apartment ,good  friends and hobbies, but i wish that i also would have a husband and a family. others who still live with their parents (even at my age or older) who have never worked a steady job and probably will never change have no qualms about their deadbeat status. when someone tries to set me up with them on a blind date, or i find them on  a dating website, they manage to spin it so they don't feel embarrassed . i don't know how they have such confidence. i guess i am not such a deadbeat because i have some shame. i need to be independent and a member of adulthood. i guess its good to always have something to strive for because it prevents stagnation. one should strive but still be comfortable with where one is in life even if it is not yet where one wants to be. this is a lesson i have learned from the deadbeats.

the money issue

one of the traits of a potential spouse that is of major concern is his/her relationship with money. i do not mean whether he/she is rich or poor, but rather how he/she deals with money in general. i have met those who have not much  money who are very generous with what they have and others who are not strapped for cash who are nickel and diming everything as though it were the great depression. often one's attitude toward money is a barometer for how the person behaves in  general. if  they are cheap with money , they are cheap with kindness. they are always trying to get something for very little effort.
it is important to be responsible and not to squander one's money, but it is also important to be able to enjoy life as well. you can't take it with you, after 120. my parents were always very frugal, but i never felt like we were poor (which we weren't) . they just wanted to lived within their means.
it is also important to be happy with one's lot as far as money is concerned. i do not mean that one should not strive to make a good living , but some people are never happy with what they have no matter how much they have. i used to live in a basement apartment that was very affordable. because i had such low rent it i could do anything and buy anything i needed or wanted. once i had a friend who asked me how i could live in such a hovel. until then i was perfectly happy with where i lived, i also could not have afforded to have paid more rent than i was paying at the time. i chose to pay her no mind. just because my friend could not live in that basement did not mean that i could not be happy living there.
everyone has their own personal money style. it has to be compatible with the personal money style of a potential spouse. its not a matter of right or wrong, but more of a matter of what is.

the beat goes on

ever notice how some people's taste in music stops in a certain decade? they try to say that they don't make music like that used to . i think that it is more than just that. i think that old music can remind one of what one was doing (or not doing)  when that music was current.  music is that powerful.

the truth about jewish women

often jewish women who live in new york have been given the stereotype of being pushy and overbearing. sometimes people think that a religious woman would be subservient . well, of course maybe a religious woman of a faith other than jewish would be. but give me a break  with the stereotypes. when does loudmouthed ,overbearing and subservient describe the same person?
i dont't think that religious jewish women are subservient to men and i don't believe in the common stereotype of the loudmouthed jewish new york woman.
i do believe that jews of both genders often stand up for what they believe in  and stand up for the underdog. does this make one pushy and loudmouthed? i don't think so , but  no one asked me.

frum fashion don'ts

i saw this on fashion-isha's facebook page. fashion isha has beautiful fashions on her website. this of course is a frum fashion don't.  i have knocked those who wear 3/4 shells under strapless gowns, and this is the skirt version. i agree that some outfits look cute in the layered look even if the designer hadn't intended his/her fashions to be worn as such, but this is just over the top. 

ladies, i beg of you, DON'T  try this at home.

just settle

i find it humorous whenever i hear the "just settle" speech. it is wasted by the orator. the person who should be given the "just settle" speech is someone in her early twenties. if someone over thirty hasn't "just settled" they most probably never will. its a lot easier to "just settle " at twenty-two than it is at at thirty-two or forty-two.

out of love or out of fear

i never like it when i hear people disparage thing and say that such and such is bad because its goyish. why not stress the positive instead of a negative ?

i went to frum schools all my life and i went to touro college. i did not have to deal with the outside world and the world of the goyim until i got a job in a secular company. if i would have believed the frum cultural notion that everything goyish is the work of the devil i surely would have left the fold.  

there are good secular people and bad secular people . there are good goyim and there are bad goyim. we keep the torah because we are jewish and because the torah is true, not because everything else is "bad". 

right back to the start

i grew up modern orthodox. for a while i had a stint as left wing yeshivish and eventually went back to being modern orthodox. i am a bit more right wing than the way i grew up, but modern orthodox i am.
i have some friends who grew up in secular jewish families who were frum for awhile,,but went back to being less observant  over time.
its not that i think that no one can maintain spiritual growth, its just that often because one grew up one way, this is the hashkafah one feels comfortable with. the other common denominator is that when one remains single it is easier to through in the towel. some friends who were frum for awhile may have stayed frum had they married. since they did not it became harder to keep the faith. its not an excuse, but it happens. it is easier to grow spiritually with a partner.
then again, everyone has to find their place religiously. sometimes it is not best for someone to be really shtark. sometimes one is better suited for a more  moderate  form of judaism. if one is more extreme it could cause one to feel too stifled.
then again, its best to feel clear about one's  own  hashkafah before marrying . this may happen when one marries a little later and can actually be a good thing. then one will be ready to grow in the best direction  alone or coupled.

16 handles on avenue j

for months now i have been anticipating the opening of 16 handles, a frozen yogurt place that is now on avenue j - the heart of jewish midwood. there has not been a kosher non-cholov yisroel ice cream store in the area since carvel has closed , except for baskin robbins, which is now part of dunkin donuts.
when i walked into 16 handles last night i felt as though i was in manhattan or at least park slope.
blueberry on avenue m does have good frozen yogurt . most flavors are not cholov yisroel.16 handles has more variety . blueberry has some real food on the menu while 16 handles is strictly frozen yogurt. 16 handles does have some pareve selections, but i have not yet tasted them.
it is quite a shame that though there are some strictly cholov yisroel ice cream places in the area but their ice cream does not taste as good as the non-cholov yisroel ice cream
anyway, check out 16 handles on avenue j and see what you think.

keeping up with the times

 when i see old yiddish movies from the 1920s it always cracks me up . everyone is always dressed in the "hip"  "cool" clothes of the times. unfortunately what was "hip" and "cool" then was quite different from what is "hip" and "cool" then.
so often we try to keep up with the culture and be fashionable and then even just ten years later what was then cool is now uncool.
i am frum, but i also find secular culture enjoyable. secular culture changes while the torah stays the same.  for better or for worse, this truism cannot be seen more clearly than in an old yiddish movie

everybody needs a little magic

i have attended more singles events than one person should be allowed to be subjected to . however, i think that because of this i have  a right to share my opinion regarding them. i think that the best singles events are those that are just that- an event. when speed dating first became in vogue i really enjoyed it. it was a way of forcing people to interact. speed dating went by the wayside when singles realized that though they may get to interact with those they would like to at speed dating events, they also get to interact with those they do not like. so speed dating fizzled.

i have over the years been to singles events that may or may not have brought me any closer to meeting my bashert, but they did not break my spirit. several years ago there was a singles event that featured an eccentric artist who made paintings for everyone at the event. i don't know if anyone connected, but it was so much fun and people did feel compelled to interact because it was exciting . another fun event was the screening of the israeli tv show srugim. . yet another positive event was with a magician who walked around the crowd as well as performing a show, forcing people to interact .  a single's event with a shiur that has a mechitzah and then socializing afterward does not work. most people just scope the crowd through holes in the mechitzah during the shiur and leave when its over.
the truth is it does take a little magic to meet someone. it does not really matter the venue. if you aren't going to meet someone you won't and if you are supposed to meet someone , no matter how lame the event, you will meet.

choices

when i turned 30 a good friend of mine who was married with three kids at the time informed me that if she hadn't gotten married by the time she was thirty that she would have just married anyone and have kids with him. i remember thinking how preposterous she sounded to me at the time. marry ANYONE just to have kids? how could anyone actually do that? i thought.
flash forward to the present. well i still would not do that , but i have more of an understanding of why someone might do that. the fear of never giving birth to a child is  real . for some it will never happen. then again , i was always afraid of just marrying  ANYONE  and then not having a kid with him anyway. or worse . to share the bond of sharing parentage of a child with someone i did not at any point care much for seemed like too much to bear. couples who marry because they want to share a life together as well as kids together may divorce but at least they went for it with the proper intent.