Sometimes Things Change

     I was searching facebook the other day for old college roommates and spotted a previously anorexic old roommate. It was fun to spy her double chins in the picture. She looks okay now but all that I could think of is how she had been so obsessed with weight loss when she was 18 and I wonder what her 18 year old self would think if she saw her older self. I think she would not like her older pudgier self even though her older , pudgier self looks a lot happier in her facebook photos than she had in old college pictures.
    I am humbled to say that it made me gleeful to see a smug formerly anorexic roommate heavier and slightly weathered.  At the same time I am happy to see that she did let go of her extreme diets and decided to live a little. She may look chunky now but she looks a lot happier than she had  all those years ago.
    When you lose touch with people in your mind you think that they have remained identical to the image you have of them from when you last thought of them. Its jarring to see them and realize time has really passed and that we all have aged a little , some more gracefully and graciously  than others. 

Curly Hair Rant

      Curly hair has a mind of its own. The trick to combatting the frizz is the right hair products. I hate how often when curly hair is showcased in a women's magazine its the curly hair of a woman of color instead of a white person with curly hair. I am not saying that they should not show diversity but don't discriminate against showing people who look like me that have curly hair. They also have hair tips for curly haired  people that you can tell were written by straight haired people. My personal favorite dumb tip is when they tell curly haired people to use a curling iron to make their hair look better. EXCUSE ME. My hair is naturally curly. When one has naturally curly hair one does not need a CURLING IRON. I mean really. All a curly haired person needs to make the most of his/her natural texture is the right hair products. Leave in conditioner is a savior. It really perks up naturally curly hair. This is way more effective and much healthier for curly hair. Until fashion editors come to their senses I will continue to skip the hair care sections of every magazine I read. They don't have anything to say to me and my curly haired comrades.

Shavuos

     Now that Shavuos is over I am basking in the 3 day break from the world. Now I have to prepare myself to return to the chaotic world of work tomorrow without the buffer of a Sunday. ARGH.
Shavuah Tov all.

Chag Sameach

     I really enjoy legal holidays like Memorial Day because I have off of work then and can do whatever I want. This year I am going to be cheated out of that experience since Shavuos and Memorial Day coincide . I suppose it is good for people who have trouble getting off for Jewish holidays but since baruch Hashem that is not my issue I just miss having two separate holidays off of work instead of one  combined. I guess there is always next year.... Sigh.
     Anyway folks, have an chag sameach and a happy Memorial Day.
      

Convictions

      How much would you do for someone else if your beliefs don't coincide ? Would you observe more just because your kids wanted you to ? Would you observe a particular mitzvah if your spouse wanted you to but you would not do it otherwise? I guess for most people the answer would be that it depends on what it is , how much the other person wanted you to do it, and how much it bothered you or did not bother you to do it.
       I think the most difficult questions occur when people are married for a long time and one  person's convictions change. Perhaps one person has less emunah and does not want to be as observant as the  other spouse and the other spouse does not want to change. This can also go the other way where one person wants to be more observant and the other person does not. There are not simple answers to these questions especially if there are children involved. The truth it is complicated even when there are no children involved. When a couple is together for a long time people change and if the two people are committed to each other it is not so clear cut. I guess it all hinges on what someone is willing to do to stay with someone else even if one's beliefs may have changed.
       

Alone?

     The other day a friend of mine told me that she thought that I was fortunate because I live alone and therefore have my freedom to do whatever I want on the weekends. I guess she also meant because I am single. The funny part is that though I do not have any roommates I don't really feel like I am alone. I am around people constantly at work , on the train, walking down the street, in the hallways of my apartment building, spending time with friends. There isn't a lot of time to be alone.  Though I do not have roommates I don't think of myself as "living alone". The only time I think about it is when I have good guests and miss them when they leave.
      Then again its not so much the living alone part that gives me such freedom its the single without kids that does. I do not have a husband  or child who would make my down time less my own. Freedom is nice, but  I can see how responsibilities and commitments can make life rich as well. Alone isn't always best, but I am enjoying my alone time while I have it.
      

Lincoln and the Jews

      There is an amazing exhibit at the New York Historical Society that will be up until June 7 called Lincoln and the Jews. It is about the special relationship that Lincoln had with Jewish people and how he fought against anti-semitism in the United States. There was a lot that I had already known that was in the exhibit as well as much I did not. There are a lot of hand written documents as well as photos and paintings. There is a circular that they give out at the exhibit that summarizes everything lest you forget all of the information that you have seen.

Jerusalem by  Frederick Edwin Church 1870

     

Lincoln

   The most interesting painting that was at the exhibit was the painting of Jerusalem from 1870. I had no idea that Lincoln had any interest in visiting Israel.

penny

        I never thought about the date Lincoln was shot. Now I know. It was on a Friday night . It was the fifth day of Pesach that year .  He died the next day. On Shabbos. Lincoln was a man who believed in freedom for  black slaves and for equality for Jewish people in the United States. It is fitting that he passed away during our holiday of freedom from slavery. Very cool.
          Be sure and click on my photos to read them better.
        It is hard to sum up a very packed exhibit full of so much information. All I can say is if you are in the New York area you should try to see this exhibit. You won't regret it.

Mother's Day

      Do you only wish Happy Mother's Day to those who are mothers or do you wish it to everyone?  Not being a mother myself , I wish it to everyone whether or not they are a mother. I think that Mother's Day is a celebration of mothers not just a day to celebrate if you are a mother or are with your mother. One should celebrate mothers  everyday, but its nice having a day to remind us to do so. Happy Mother's Day!

Back up Plan

     In movies there are always people who have a friend that they say they will marry if they find no one else to marry by a certain age. In the movies that back up person always seem so cool that I wonder why they don't just marry them to begin with and and just skip the drama. I suppose that's what makes those types of movies believable. In real life someone would  not just marry their back up person, they for sure would go out with everyone but their back up person just to be certain.
       I always wondered what it would be like to have a "back up" person. Its hard enough to find any good guy let alone a back up. Sheesh. I do have a friend who ended up marrying her back up person. It would have been a lot better if they would have just married years before . For one thing having kids would have been easier. They had kids but it was not so easy. The other thing is that if someone is your back up person there is a reason for it. You rely on them enough to make them your back up person. It really is not fair to those you are dating to have a  back up person . Those people have no idea that you already have a back up plan if it does not work out with you. How unfair is that?
         For heaven's sake if you have a "back up " person save yourself the drama and just marry them . There really is not anyone better out there. Trust me....

Bigotry

      Sometimes its really bigotry, sometimes it isn't. Its sometimes hard to tell when it is and when it isn't.
       The other day I was at the bus stop checking the MTA app on my phone to check out the bus timetable. When I saw that there would be a long wait I abruptly got up to walk home. I was not paying any attention to the black man who was at the bus stop. He on the of course was paying attention to me. As I got up he asked me if there was a problem. My first answer was WHAT? Then I realized he is the type to think everyone is a bigot . Normally I would  have just walked away but because he happened to look slightly mentally challenged   I  told him that I was not going to be waiting for the bus because my phone said that it would be quicker to walk home than wait for the bus.
      One summer morning on the train there was a black woman who sat next to me and the strap from her shoulder bag  was digging into my shoulder so I  quietly moved over a bit. The woman was irate. She kept yelling at me how I should take a taxi cab to work if I didn't like her sitting next to me. I did not move or say a word. Eventually she shut up. Periodically I would notice this woman on the train in the morning and she would make sure not to sit next to me. She would purposely look away from me when I would look in her direction. It was really ridiculous. Not wanting to have some one's shoulder strap dig into my shoulders is not racist.
      Another time there was a black woman with a baby on her lap next to me. The baby kept kicking me. Instead of asking her to restrain her child I gently moved over. She started yelling at me that her baby did not have any diseases . I did not say a word. She obviously was overly sensitive. I did not think that child had a disease, I just do not like being kicked by  a baby.
      Every time I walk into small stores the salesperson  hovers. I find it really annoying. I never assume its because I am Jewish or that its because I have curly hair or that its because I look poor. They just love to hover. I have a friend who is dark skinned who thinks that all of the salesladies hover over her in stores because of her skin color. I do not discount the fact that this could or may happen sometimes , but sales ladies always hover over me in a small store so I don't think they are being bigoted. I know that there are many Jews who think some things that aren't really atnti-semitic are anti semitic. I guess that's just the nature of people.
       This is not to say that there isn't anyone who is anti black or anti semitic out there, I just am trying to say that sometimes people become so overly sensitive when there is no reason to be.
   

The Constant of Change

   Work can be very stressful. I work with lots of characters . On the weekends I like to spend time with friends and acquaintances minus the  drama. I used to be a Shabbos guest to a family whose resting tone was yelling. After awhile I just could not take it so I stopped visiting them. Other times I have met really rude people at Shabbos meals that I am sure not to attend if I know that  those extremely rude people will be attending. To be fair I have sporadically hosted Shabbos meals which makes things easier since I am in charge of the guest list. Often I am too tired to host a meal even though I enjoy doing so.

     Life is so transient. Friends and neighbors change . People move away. Life situations change. You can think one is set with friends and family and that can all change. I like things to stay the same but the joke is on me. The only thing that is constant is change.
      

Iced tea

     My favorite summer drink is cold brew iced tea. My favorite flavor of the moment is strawberry burst from Wissotsky. Honorable mention is lemon ginger flavored Stash tea.

  Cold brew tea is so easy to make and so refreshing to drink. I just put four tea bags in a 32 ounce jar with water and I put the jar with the tea bags and water into the fridge . After a few hours I remove the tea bags and voila, I have amazing tea. You can put sweetener in the tea, but I try to use flavorful teas that do not need extra sweetener. I find that if I increase the amount of teabags or brew time that the flavor of the the tea can be strong enough not to require extra sweetening.
   If you have any favorite iced tea flavors please share them. The hot weather is quickly approaching and iced tea will be the beverage of the moment.