flash without substance.

often when dating i find that who i think the person is initially does not match who they become once i get to know him. someone homely can become an adonis and a total hottie can evolve into ugly as sin. and of course there are many levels in between. often someone can sport a particular persona when in a group while one on one they can be the opposite. ive met alot of guys like this. at first they seem very convivial, and then you spend time with them and their true nature is that of a depressed dodo. there are alot of guys who have alot of flash without substance. they seem interesting, but after spending quality time with them i have found that they possess zero quality. once in awhile i find someone who is more solid. someone who has strength of character. the search continues!

seven things i love

ive been tagged by the jewish side of the babysitter in a meme seven things i love . at the end i will tag seven other bloggers.

1. i love fall weather
2. i love book readings and especially love celebrity book readings
3. i love photography
4. i love meeting new people
5. i love blogging
   
6. i love when i have friends who really know and understand who i am and i know and understand who they are.
7. i love walking through central park in the spring and summer.

im now tagging seven people: mike, katrina, mak,quack, levadi, brainexposed, dys

laundry woes

post tisha b'av i am always confronted with the laundry issue. how soon can i do it and how big of a zoo is it going to be in the laundry room in my 90% frum apartment building? usually the day after tisha b'av is a day i have work so its not as big of an issue. by the time i can do my laundry everyone else has done theirs. this year was different because i didnt have work today which is the day after tisha b'av. ive always thought that the halacha was that you couldnt do laundry after chatzot the day after tisha b'av because the the bais hamikdash was still burning on the tenth of av.normally this isnt an issue for me because i usually work the day after tisha b'av so i wouldnt be doing laundry until after chatzot anway. this year was different.
after much internal debate, i decided to do my laundry this morning early early because later today it will be a big zoo in the laundry room. though a little embarrassed to be doing laundry early early because it was before chatzot, i figured id do it anyway, who would see me? who is up so early? apparently everyone! there was already laundry left in the dryer from last night! there were already two loads in the spin cycle when i arrived in the laundry room! it was only 6:30 in the morning!
i did manage to get my two loads in the dryer before two other neighbors arrived with their laundry. so much for waiting until after chatzot! well, maybe they were having the same internal strife that i was, but just had to do it anyway. or maybe i got the halacha wrong. either way, i had clean laundry before eight am this morning. life is good.

sinas chinam

i watched part of the ou's tisha b'av production at one of the local brooklyn shuls. as usual the topic of sinas chinam surfaced. but of course. it is tisha b'av.
sinas chinam - hatred for no reason or baseless hatred.. well i guess this explains alot. the charedim in israel throw stones at the chilonim on shabbos for a reason (or so they say) so that folly isnt considered sinas chinam in their eyes.
when someone doesnt act respectfully toward someone less frum or more frum this isnt sinas china because they've got a reason for their dislike.
the goyim hate us because we have (anything that they dont) so i guess this isnt baseless either.
perhaps the reason the bais hamikdash was destroyed was due to sinas chinam, but it will only be rebuilt through the mitzvah of v'ahavta l'rayecha camocha. - through loving your neighbor as one loves themselves. the geulah will come through having respect for others humanity even though they may not be our spiritual clones.
all varieties of jews, reform , orthodox, conservative, conservadox, chassidish, charedi, reconstructionist , modern orthodox, carlebachian, yeshivish, yeshivish modern , need to respect the others level of judaism. by doing this it doesnt mean you are invalidating what you believe in, it just means live and let live. the rest of the world doesnt differentiate. to them we are one big group of jew. to them the syrian jews of last weeks notoriety and madoff are one and the same- jewish with a capital J. unfortunately we jews havent all figured that one out yet.
to me this is the only way to be mekarev any one into frumkeit. be nice to them. dont denigrate their beliefs even if its not as frum as yours. this does not dilute what you believe in.
if someone is downright disrespectful this is a different story. im speaking of people who just have a pareve opinion of frumkeit.
its tisha b'av (still) let's try to end the madness already!

more tisha b'av thoughts

some appropriate tisha b'av movies:

1. au revoir les enfants
2. the eichman trial
3. the children of chabon
4. shanghai ghetto

all of these are excellent. if you have any to add to the list, let me know.

tisha b'av

wishing everyone an easy and meaningful fast.

open to interpretation

its so interesting how people assume. i was speaking to someone the other day and i told them i was cooking for shabbos. they later asked me who i was having over for shabbos lunch. this really floored me because this person was assuming that the only reason someone single could be cooking for shabbos would be because they were having guests. quite an assumption. this assumption of course would never even be in my radar. the the person who asked this question was male. this of explains alot. he would never cook for shabbos unless he was having guests and assumed everyone is like this. it is never appropriate to assume.
the worst however is when people assume and dont tell you what their assumption is so you cant set them straight. this happens all of the time. the worst is when someone assumes something, doesnt tell you their assumption and then is mad at you for something you never did in the first place. this is why its best to confront someone in a non-accusatory fashion and try to access the situation before making false assumptions and accusations.