holy indian wigs

this month's marie claire magazine featured an article about how they get hair from indian women to make wigs .

a few years ago their was a big ruckus in the frum community about not wearing wigs from india because their hair is shorn for "religious reasons" . needless to say after reading the article i realized that the only deity this hair is shorn for is the god of money.

apparently young women in india never cut their hair and when they do they cut all of their hair off in a ceremony and tell them that doing so makes them very blessed. meanwhile , these girls never get any monetary compensation for their shorn hair, and the money that is made from the sale of this hair is never given to the people of the community that had their hair shorn. it is purely business , and most of these young women have no clue this is occurring.

to me the whole hair shearing being religious is a hoax and seems to be based on a fiction. i do however feel bad for these poor girls who end up bald until their hair grows back. they are sacrificing their hair to the god of money.
from the article i was not sure if the ritual of cutting their hair was created before the demand for indian hair wigs.
i realize that the rabbanim did not ban the indian wigs because they felt that these women were being scammed, but to me, this would be the reason not to wear one of those wigs. i feel so bad for these women.

to drink or not to drink ?

on purim many are machmir to drink so they dont know the difference between arrur haman and baruch mordechai and sometimes this can be taken to the extreme. my fondest purim memory is leaving the basement apartment i was living in at the time and opening the door to outside of the house and seeing a teen aged boy open his car door to puke. gross! but you know, often gross things stay in your memory as much as if not more than good things. fortunately i have no recollection of this young man's face . so now, years later, when i may run in to him i dont recognize him. lucky for him. there was however a woman who threw up on the q train several years ago and her face i do remember. i still see her on the train in the morning and i make sure to sit far away from her.
so folks go ahead and enjoy yourselves, but do realize if you misbehave when you are drunk someone you dont know may have a very sharp memory of it. you may not remember that moment , but your actions may be embedded in this stranger's memory. if you are the type who considers negative publicity better than no publicity at all then knock yourself out.....literally.

in town, out of town , all around town

there has been alot of talk all over the blogosphere (material maidel and frum punk) about new yorkers calling anyone who lives out of new york out of towners. of course, im originally from outside of new york and i take great pride in being called an out of towner. in fact , these days native new yorkers get quite perplexed when i still say im an out of towner after living in new york all these years. there are a alot of good things about new york, but i cant say that its in my blood like those who were born here.
the interesting thing is that through blogging and the internet specifically, i think that the boundaries of community have expanded and the world has gotten smaller. someone in israel can leave a comment on a blog as quickly as someone in california or brooklyn can. its quite nice.
the only thing that defies this theory is when people write about their hometowns and local events. if you live somewhere else you might feel left out. then again , it makes you closer geographically to a far place. you may not live there , but you can know instantaneously whats going on there as it is happening.
the blogosphere becomes its own community as well. when bloggers live geographically closer to each other they are more likely to actually meet, but the very fact that someone is blogging at all they are more likely to meet no matter how geographically diverse. when i read a comment from someone living in california it seems as though the person lives as close by as a new york commenter. on a blog the distance is reduced.

how to solve the shidduch crisis

yes , i am single and this is why i know much more about dating than your average shadchan. you average shadchan doesnt know much about dating . after all, they are married . and anyway they probably havent gone out with as many people as i have. and they have probably only had maybe one relationship . what i mean by maybe one relationship is that im not sure that the marriage these shadchanim are in can be considered relationships. it might be , but who knows. just because someone is married it doesnt make them a relationship guru.

i think that shadchanim should be ready to expose their age , how old they were when they got married, how many times they have been married, how many people they went out with before they got married, how long they dated their spouse before they married them, the quality of their marriage, whether they are currently seeing a marriage counselor , whether they are currently taking any psychotropics,how many kids they have and how old they were when they had each of these kids. this would definitely help me decide whether or not i want to deal with these shadchanim. after all, i only want to know the answers to questions i might be asked by them. its only fair.

if i know how old a shadchan is i can gauge how much i should believe them when they tell me a guy looks boyish. after all , a guy could look boyish to a shadchan if the shadchan is 65! that doesnt help me any.

if the status of a shadchan's marriage isnt that great or if they dont have a relationship that is in sync with the type of relationship i might be looking for, then why do i want to entrust them with the task of finding my bashert?

it is important to know if the shadchan married the only person they ever went out with. alot of shadchanim get frustrated when they set you up with three people(if you are lucky) and then you dont want to marry any of them. this sentiment is compounded even more when you are dealing with someone who married the first person they ever went out with.
its also important to gauge the general mental health of a shadchan. if they seem nuts, who knows what types of walnuts they might want to set me up with!
actually, im not much in to shadchanim lately. id much prefer an inane singles event, frumster or meeting someone randomly , but its always fun to rail into shadchanim. or maybe if they employed some of my suggestions, i might seek their services more often!

stREssEd

like most people i occasionally get insomnia. i know alot of people who are on ambien and sometimes its necessary, but i prefer to cure my insomnia another way. i have a few relaxation tapes that i find helpful. andrew weil has a few that are really good. he has one cd with breathing exercises. the idea is that when one is stressed , one doesnt always breath. also , if you can control your breathing and do different breathing exercises you can relieve stress. if i follow this cd before bed it helps me wind down and be able to sleep. this concept helps with migraines as well.when i get a migraine at work i go straight to the alleve bottle, but if im at home i try to do some breathing exercises and it goes away. andrew weil also has a sleep cd which is helpful as well. a woman named bellaruth naparstak also has some relaxation cds for sleep and stress reduction that are really good. i usually fall asleep before the cd ends. if i dont, at the very least i feel more relaxed.

he's just not that into you

i read the book by greg behrendt when it came out a few years ago, so when i heard there was going to be a movie based on the book i just had to see it. he's just not that into you wont be winning big at the oscars this year , but it was a cute plate of fluff.

the premise of the movie and book is that women try to analyse why guys arent calling them after a date, when really its quite simple . if a guy wants to see you he will find a way to get in touch with you . he will do it as soon as possible and if not - he's just not that into you.

ginnifer goodwin plays that girl. that girl who gives the aloof guys all of the excuses and then is disappointed when he doesnt call her . sometimes its hard to watch how desperate she acts.

jennifer anniston is the girl who lives with a guy for seven years that wont marry her. he doesnt believe in marriage. ben affleck plays this boyfriend. he's superb. he's not the greatest actor, but he was good in this role. this little sub-story could have been a whole movie unto itself.

another plot was with scarlet johannson and a married man. she plays the forever stupid woman who thinks a married man will leave his wife for the other woman.
justin long is stand out as ginnifer goodwin's confidante. he tells her how it is with guys. no holds barred. with all the big names he's a real scene stealer.
ever since i heard the line "he's just not that into you" uttered by post it guy on sex and the city , it has backed up every argument ive had about the people who like to over analyse and say maybe this and maybe that about why a guy hasnt called or hasnt been consistent in a relationship. yes, there can be exceptions, but they are exceptions, not the rule. if a guy wants to get in touch with me he will , if he takes forever it just means he's just not that into me . end of story.

the borrowers

when i was in college i had a roommate from a rich family who would try to share college textbooks with me if we were taking the same classes. i never shared with her because i was afraid we'd need the book at the same time and then what? also, i thought it was kind of cheap. her family had enough money to buy her the darn book. in fact they were so wealthy they could have bought me my books as well. at the time i realized that this is how the rich stay rich .
fast forward to the present. i hate when friends come over and scan my magazine subscriptions and figure wouldnt i love to lend my magazines to them after ive read them. i always say no unless they want to split the cost of the magazines with me. i also have "friends" who scan my bookshelves and dvds and are plotting what they can borrow. im not the library folks. fyi , the library has all the magazine subscriptions , books and dvds you covet. and they charge you if you dont return them on time. i know i sound like a shrew, but my rule is that i dont lend anyone anything i wouldnt mind not getting back or not mind getting back in one piece. which of course is not much. i do have a few trusted friends i lend to , but they lend me things too. there is a give and take. with alot of people i feel like they are scanning me for what i can do for them. or lend them . and they are none to obvious about it.
the other thing is that im the complete opposite. i dont like borrowing from others unless i have to. i guess thats why i resent others whose middle name is "can i borrow that?"

love is in the air

i found this really cool store window in the city and i couldnt resist. its a store called beads of paradise on east 16th street near union square. i took these photos. i wasnt sure how long the valentine's day displays would be up, but i guess because its also presidents day weekend, they are still up. cool. i plan on finding some more fun photo-ops tomorrow!! stay tuned!!

score one for the do nothings

there is one person who is benefiting from the downturn in the economy and this is the do-nothing . the do-nothing is the type who is perpetually out of work. now when asked what his (or her) profession is he (or she) can just respond "oh you know .... the economy....." and they are good to go!!!

un-valentines day blues

here we are again. its february 14, the goyishe holiday that i dont exactly celebrate, but depresses me just the same. i could have gone to some lame singles event that capitalizes on the valentine's day theme but i opted out. i do have my dignity .

one year when valentines day fell on a saturday i did go to a singles event. it was okay, but you really have to be in the mood for it. i might go out with friends later. i think that will be more fun. there's a singles event next week i might attend. there wont be any valentines day pressure next week.

i guess im slightly bummed out because i thought i might actually have a date tonight. it wasnt even just a possible first date. oh well. i guess im not changing my name yet. still frum single female.

bittersweet

when a friend gets married i always find it bittersweet. im genuinely happy for them, but sad for the end of an era in our friendship. unless they have a rotten marriage (chas v'shalom) the friendship will change. when a guy friend gets married one gains a friend , unless the wife isnt someone one would want to befriend , then that friendship is totally over. as it should be. some women totally dump their single friends when they marry . when this happens you find out that they were really your situational friend and not a forever friend. and thats okay too. im still glad they have married.
its easy to think that you wont swap your single friends for the smug marrieds when you do get married, but you just might do this. one just never knows. better not to judge others. moving on and evolving friendships are a part of life. life is change. get used to it. (im trying to take my own advice!)

more flatbush folly

well... it seems the infamous sheitle store across the street from chaim berlin has re- opened for business . this time the photos in the storefront are much smaller and the mannequins have shorter collarbones. this is alot of old news, but i found it to be a great photo-op, so im including my fabulous photos. enj0y!

hey jew!!

when i lived in the midwest, i always thought of new york city as this big , tough, anti-semitic town. then i moved here. when i was in college, i was always afraid of having a big anti-semitic incident with some scary new yorker. this was during the pre-disney times square years.
one saturday night when i was in college i was walking down fifth avenue with a group of my friends and we heard someone calling "hey jew!" from a distance. being the brave souls that we were we turned around and started running. at the time i thought that my biggest fears were becoming reality.
alas, it was not so. one of my friends happened to take a second glance at the guys who were calling out "hey jew!" . they were across the street from us waving their yamakas. a moment later they were on our side of the street. my friends and i yelled at them for scaring us.
fortunately for us , sometimes things arent always what they appear to be!!

purim is on the way.

usually people (or at least me) start thinking about pesach in january and begin to dread pesach cleaning or start thinking about making their plans to go away. well , today i was at the farmer's market in union square and purim, not pesach was more on the radar. there is a hydroponic tomato stand that is based in shushan , ny. this stand always makes me think of purim. ive taken pictures of it before, but always the perfectionist, ive never liked how they came out. today's photo was the best ive taken of the shushan farms sign yet.

in the spirit of purim's imminent arrival i tested out a new chocolate cake recipe that i may use for shalach manos.

last year i had searched high and low for a purim costume and couldnt find anything in brooklyn . i gave up. after purim i was near canal street and i happened upon ricky's at 375 broadway between franklin and white street. they have a year round costume store. they have a range of prices and i found a costume there for around twenty dollars.

purim this year is march tenth, which is a tuesday. im ready for it. how about you?

groundhog day

yesterday was groundhog day and punxsutawney phil saw his shadow. 6 more weeks of winter. i know that im alone in saying this , but whoo-hoo!!!!! i love winter.

gu

yes, we all know what gu means......geographically undesirable. someone in new jersey doesnt want to date someone in brooklyn because they are gu. someone in queens doesnt want to date someone in staten island because they are gu. someone who lives on the upper west side in manhattan doesnt want to date someone who lives in midtown manhattan because they are gu. you catch my drift?
but seriously, there is something to this. i live in brooklyn and have dated guys in other boroughs or even new jersey and it can be tough. its so much nicer dating someone who lives closer by. you can see each other more often because they live closer to you.... im not saying i wouldnt date anyone outside of my borough ( because then i would surely never get married) im just saying that when i do its kind of nice.

cellphone-free zone

like most members of the 21st century, i have a cellphone, and am pleased to have one. i do look back nostalgically at the days before cellphones when one could go out with friends and not be interrupted with some bogus "urgent " cellphone call. i also loved the idea that i wasnt always reachable. fortunately new york is so loud that i often do not hear my cellphone ring, this way i get break. i often leave my cellphone off accidentally on purpose so i can have some peace .
chatting with friends in person is much more satisfying than chatting over the phone.