if one does not want to shake hands with a member of the opposite sex due to shomer negiah reasons it is very important that one have a good prepared answer and not to just say that you dont shake hands . that is not a good enough reason.
i work in a service oriented profession and though the higher ups that are jewish have heard about shomer negiah, there are non-jewish employees who are not familiar with it. once there was a male co-worker of mine who put out his hand to a frum client to shake hands and im not sure what she said to him because i wasnt in the room with him, but she must not have said anything because later he asked me why she did this , and did she not shake hands with him because he isnt jewish. i explained to him that it was not because he wasnt jewish, but it was because men and women arent supposed to touch unless they are married. when he realized that she didnt want to shake hands with him was not because he wasnt jewish and just because he was a boy he was totally ok with it. see , now how hard was that? and if you dont like the explanation i gave , all the more reason to give your own.
another time a chasidic couple were speaking to the office manager and the office manager put her hand out to shake hands with the husband and the wife said to her"we dont shake hands".
later the office manager said that she could care less that he didnt want to shake her hand , but that she thought it odd because moments before, the wife shook hands with her. i explained to her that it wasnt that frum people dont shake hands, its just that men dont shake hands with women because they arent supposed to touch any woman who is not their wife.
of course , the other thing that i find un-thrilling about frummies unwittingly leaving me to do the explaining for them is that whoever is asking why also asks me what i would do. well... when i was growing up i was taught that its okay to shake someone's hand at work so as not to embarrass them and that there really is not derech chibah in these types of handshakes.
if you are honest and genuine with people when you explain to people why you do not shake hands with someone of the opposite sex , they are really okay with it. i have seen a few people do it, and they are very sweet about it , no one takes offense. and if you cant explain it to them its better to shake their hand if you ask me. not giving a true explanation is worse and i know this because ive had to explain non-handshaking to several confused people.
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I said that on a job interview,that we don't shake hands with the opposite gender, but I think she thought it was because she was black. And I didn't get the job. O well.
im so sorry childish . i will tell you that she would have thought you werent shaking hands with her because she's black if anyway if you just didnt shake her hand. its a really tough issue. i did meet some cashier at barnes and noble who was from some country whose name i cant remember who doesnt shake hands with men in her culture and some customer wanted to shake her hand and she told him that in her culture they dont shake hands and he was black and also thought it was because he was black. however, it was different, because what on earth does a customer at barnes and noble need to shake hands with a cashier for anyway. i still found it interesting.
if anyone else out there has a better explanation that one can give for not shaking hands at work for shomer negiah reasons, it would be great to hear them. all im saying is that not giving an explanation and just saying "we dont shake hands " arent good reasons.
Welcome FF...
A lot the frum things people do, is done without sincerity or understanding as to why they do it.
I believe that in whatever frumness level you observe, you should to it with sincerity and honesty, and understand and cherish what you're doing.
I have it hardest at super markets, they always like pressing the change in your hand.
I usually say "Pleased to meet you, but can't shake for religious reasons."
It seems to have gone over ok 'til now, but now I'm wondering if they think it's because they're of a different religion!!!
PS: It doesn't matter in the supermarket. It's pretty clear that there's nothing social about putting change in someone's hand. Getting elbowed in the stomach by someone getting onto a bus isn't either a shomer negiya issue.
not a geek- i agree with you. its important to have sincerity and honesty and meaning in the level of frumkeit one is holding at.
Do the Asian thing and bow. Though make sure you learn how to do it properly.
Hands at your sides, bow at the waste, not at the neck. Bow no more than 5 degrees.
To freak the person out even more, say hajimemashite when meeting someone new and doitoshimashite when you want to say "you're welcome".
Good idea Moshe...
If somebody is standing there with an outstretched hand, and you bend over in return. They'll think you might want to kiss it, and you might up getting a slap instead...
That's why I said no more than 5 degrees. Know your math dude.
I read that DUDE...
It's just if somebody isn't accustomed to it, they might think of it differently.. :)
That's a tough one. I would explain that in Judaism, men and women are not allowed to shake hands, except for spouses and other family members. They might not understand why, but at least now they know it's not them.
Once in a while, there is someone who wants to know more. And so you can explain that has to do with an energy that is there b/t the man and woman
I just say, "I'm sorry; I don't shake hands with men for religious reasons." I've never had anyone get insulted, and I've never had anyone ask for more detail.
My religion doesn't allow me to shake hands with infidels ;-)
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