one work issue that i always find difficult is having jewish co-workers who date gentiles. how can one be polite without making it seem like you condone their behavior? its easy to know what to say to someone when everything is theoretical, but when these are really people one knows, its a whole other bowl of wax.
i know that alot of people say that if someone wasnt raised frum what does one expect. they will be dating goyim . i dont really agree with this. there are plenty people that i know who grew up frum who have ended up dating non-jews. usually they are off the derech when they are doing this, but not always. sometimes someone is just lonely and then they meet someone who isnt jewish and though they are not going out of their way to do this they are suddenly dating someone who isnt jewish. this is not something that i would ever do, but i can see the logic.
some who date out say that they had alot of bad experiences dating in and that the gentile boyfriend/girlfriend has better midos than the jewish boyfriend/girlfriends they have had. what do you say to that? i usually dont say anything. it probably is true. but this doesnt prove that they would never be able to find a yid to have a relationship with that has good midos....they just havent yet....
currently i have a jewish co-worker who is dating a goy. he's the epitome of the boyfriend no parent would want their daughter to date AND he isnt jewish. its just so sad. her parents are plotzing, but im not sure what they would think if she actually became frum. they might not like that either. the thing is, this co-worker of mine is the type who if she went to a frum singles event she would be the belle of the ball. she'd have no problem finding someone.
of course im not the best example of how great it is to date someone jewish because im perpetually single and have more bad stories than i would care to share. i do know that its not just the jewish men who are creeps. i think that its hard to find quality men. i have gentile co-workers who also think that a good man is hard to find.
9 comments:
Why say "that a good man is hard to find". That's a bit harsh in my view. Yes, proportionally there are more good girls than guys. Even in the real frummy world girls are usually better than the guys. Be it in any aspect, intellectually, morally, or middos. But good guys are not and endangered specie.
Also why focus on the negative part, there are still many good guys out there, seek them out and stay focused on those. Instead of just saying there aren't any good guys.
These comments are based on my own experiences.
not a geek- i did not mean that there are no good guys out there, but based on my own experiences they are hard to find or more specifically find a good one who is interested in ME. but you are right, i should be more positive, it doesnt really help to be negative.
FF: I didn't mean in any way to doubt your experiences... Either way everybody is entitled to disagree. On my side of town there are the same problems with shidduchim, including that there are more good girls than guys.
Shidduchim isn't always easy, but it is helpful to stay optimistic.
Good Luck with finding you lucky one...
thanks. i always appreciate hearing your perspective notageek.
One thing I don't think you have to worry about, ff, is your Jewish friends thinking you approve of them dating non-Jews. I am much less frum than you, and my Jewish friends who date non-Jews tend to act weird around me on the subject. The ones who eat treif in public are the same. They assume I don't approve.
And keep faith that you will meet the right guy. They are hard to find, but you can do it!
Thanks, it's always great to hear that... But if not for this blog and others, I would have were to share my thought... So thank you, and keep up the posts.
thanks katrina.
Not much you can do. Anything you say will most probably only make things worse.
moshe- unfortunately what you say is quite true. this is why its so very frustrating.
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