security?

my biggest beef against the airport security bureaucracy is having to take my shoes off  . not every airport has ample space for people to put their shoes back on. my main paranoia  about taking my shoes off for security is the  fear of contracting athlete's foot. has anyone heard of anyone catching athlete's foot from walking shoeless through security?  in the summer when i wear sandals sometimes i will wear peds through security and when i  put my shoes back on i take them off. i know i am paranoid, but i feel like the airport security should be able to assure me that  i wont get athlete's foot before i go barefoot through the terminal.

the weight of the word.

i love when some people just shoot their mouths off without any forethought and then they wonder why everyone is mad at them. why don't they realize that it is so very important to be careful what one says? one may be able to apologize, but one can never really unsay something once its already been  uttered.

something about thanksgiving

i never quite get why some people are too frum to celebrate thanksgiving. i can understand not feeling in the mood to actually do anything but im not quite sure why its a religious issue. its not a religious holiday, its just about being thankful that the united states is a free country and that we are free to practice our religion. these days we are even more free to observe our religion than years ago, so i would think we would be more thankful and celebrate thanksgiving. years ago more jews celebrated thanksgiving when we it was harder to observe our religion in the united states.

but ok, so you don't celebrate thanksgiving, why take on a tradition of having  a turkey thanksgiving like meal on black friday? is it just  to be unconventional? the only reason one is having turkey the day after thanksgiving is because its the day after thanksgiving. so why not just have it on thursday? one is allowed to eat turkey on a thursday. its the christians who don't have meat on fridays. when i went to weight watchers several years ago it was the first time that i had heard about the mishagos about how if you are really frum you celebrate with a turkey dinner the friday after thanksgiving. hmmm... maybe they celebrate thanksgiving on shabbos  its so it really is on a chag!!??
well, i plan on celebrating thanksgiving on a thurdsay this year. have a happy thanksgiving everyone!

palmistry

i am always fascinated by people who think that they can see the future, analyse handwriting and read palms, not they i have met many who claim to do these things. there was a client from work who i have worked with on several occasions who asked me if she could read my palm . since this was free of charge i figured no problem. i wouldn't say that everything this woman told me from reading my hand was correct but about 85 percent of it was spot on.  there was no way that she would have known these things purely by chance. i do believe that if she is a very aware person she might be able to tell these things about me, but even that is quite fascinating because many are so clueless about people in their lives that  they are supposed to know well.
i feel funny sharing some of what she said, not that any of it is unflattering, but more that it seems private.
i will share the following. she looked at my palm and said that im a hard worker , don't need to be a leader, creative ,  organized and like to finish what i begin. she also said that i am who i am because of myself and not due to others.this is very true. i think its the result of being one of five children. you learn to do for yourself otherwise no one else will. or maybe that's just life. sink or swim!
but still....i look at palm reading more as entertainment than reality. it is fun to speculate!

true nature

there are three ways to know someone's true nature- b'keeso, b'koso  and b'kasso- in one's pocket (how they spend)  when they drink and when they are angry. i have one more way. when one is startled.
recently  one of my co- workers  was in a room. lets call her allison. allison is catholic. another co-worker, lets call her cindy, is jewish and russian. cindy walks into the room allison is in. allison did not notice that cindy walked into the room. suddenly allison yells at her for startling her and calls her and f-ing jew. the funny thing about it is usually cindy is teased for being russian and not at all for being jewish. in fact her jewishness never comes up as she is just a two day a year jew. this is why allison's comment was so odd. then again was it really so odd?  perhaps on a subconscious level allison really does think of cindy more as being jewish than as russian even though she never expresses it verbally. after this event allison was very embarrassed. although this was what came out her mouth she never meant to verbalize it. i know allison and she would not strike anyone as someone who would call someone a  f-ing jew or refer to any one's religion when she speaks to them. apparently it is on her mind on some level. cindy wasn't offended because she believes that allison only called her an f-ing jew because she was startled. i agree . i also think that on some level allison is thinking of cindy as  a jew more than she is thinking of her as  russian.
for me the incident with allison and cindy re- affirmed my belief that just people knowing you are frum makes them think of everything you do as something a frum person would do and not just something a person would do. it doesn't matter how outwardly frum one appears or whether one is charedi or  whether one is modern orthodox liberal. everyone knows you're shomer shabbos and they aren't forgetting it.
though i am far from perfect i try to internalize this adage and behave my best because i know this is the truth.

( not that i wouldnt behave properly otherwise! lol.)

naomi ragen

i have always found that reading naomi ragen's books has been a guilty pleasure. you want to hate them but they are just too much fun to read.
the first naomi ragen book that i have read was jephte's daughter . though i enjoyed the book very much i regret to inform you that i have no recollection of it because i read it so long ago. naomi ragen was to me the first of a genre of writers who write about frum people because this is how they grew up, and they don't hate frum people and they dont have everyone throwing off the yoke of torah at the end of the book like an erica jong, belva plan or howard fast book.
naomi ragen isnt afraid to confront social justice issues in the frum community . people don't always agree with her conclusions but i think its good to voice awareness. she criticises to provoke change not to merely air dirty laundry.
naomi ragen recently came out with a new book the tenth song. i haven't read the book yet but i plan to. its already on my kindle.
a few days ago i went to borders for a book reading with naomi ragen. i had to go. i was not disappointed. she  is conservative middle aged  modern orthodox woman who possesses extreme fiestiness.
there was a small crowd at borders for her book reading which i found sad for such a well known author. its always fun to meet a favorite writer. it adds a whole other dimention!

the propensity to sin

as a kid it always seemed strange that some halachot have to be spelled out. don't kill. don' steal. isn't it obvious? as i have experienced more of life i have realized that there is a reason that these laws are spelled out. one never knows who could end up being a murderer or could steal. or commit adultery.  i haven't done any of these things, but i have met individuals who have. i would never have expected these people to have done these things, but they have. apparently its not as obvious as i once thought. this is why it has to be spelled out and drilled into peoples heads. it is in the hopes that no one will ever engage in such grievous sins.

do you date?

inevitability when im having a major kvetch session regarding the state of my unmarriedness and the unavailability of single men i get this question . "do you date? " when i get this question i am always taken aback. where in this conversation did i give them this impression? i absolutely do date , not always as often as i would like , but im not some nebuch who never has a date or relationship.
the only thing that i can think of is that perhaps a lot of the kvetchers don't ever date or make any effort to date. i had one friend who never dates  but never makes any effort to look presentable or any effort in regards to dating . but i do make the effort which is why i hate that question. although in defense of the asker it is usually someone that doesn't know me all that well which begs the question "why am i even kvetching about singleness with them anyway?" and you know, that would be a good point!

loneliness

loneliness will bring some people to do things they normally would not do. this is very sad but true. what makes some people so lonely they will do desperate things whereas others who are lonely will not stoop so low?  i don't pretend to know the answer to this one. as with all things one can't judge another until one has been in his/her shoes. loneliness can be so pervasive. its hard to understand its effects unless one has had the experience.

fall back

i am loving this time change. i still stayed up way too late last night, but i got up at nu-8 a.m. instead of old-9 a.m.  nothing like optimizing a sunday!

re-evaluation

as a kid i always thought that the time one defines who wants to be was in one's teens and early twenties. boy was i wrong. self evaluation is continual. life is a serious of re-evaluation. or at least mine is . there are many forks in the road and times when i stop to reassess my values.
when my father died it made me introspective. i have a love-hate relationship living in nyc, but after much thought over the past seven months i have realized it is my home. at least for now. this is where my life is. i miss my family, but i am who i am because i was able to break away from them . and this is a good thing. in order to be happy i need to have my own space even if its as far as another city in a far away state.
i need to be away from my family but this does not mean i wont visit them or speak to them. i just cant live with them. not now, anyway. ive known this truth for a very long time, its just that i haven't thought it out loud for a very long time.
there is much else that i need to evaluate as well, but cannot put to words at the moment.

i think that it is positive to reassess one's life periodically, otherwise one stagnates.

conviction

i just saw the movie conviction. conviction  is   the true story of a man who is convicted of murder and whose sister goes to law school in order to save him. it took her eighteen years to do this.  this is the meaning of love and love for one's family. how many people can say they have been loved so much by a family member?
the film also depicts the power of friendship. bettty ann waters , the woman whose brother was wrongfully convicted made an incredible friend when she was in law school. they were both older students which helped them bond. this was a friendship where when betty ann was discouraged by setbacks from her brother's case her friend abra would come over to her house and make her get  out of bed.
family bonds are very strong, and the power of supportive friendships help make life worth living. to have even one true friend makes life worth living. knai lecha chaver.
this movie also shows that persistence for justice can net results even if it may take a very long time to achieve .

trick or treat

though halloween isnt  a holiday i celebrate, there are a lot of dating lessons one can learn from this pagan holiday.
when i answer the door for a blind date i am hoping it will be a treat to meet him as opposed to the trick of a nerdly date being played  on me.
most of us dress to impress for  a date. sometimes we wear costumes that portray who we would like to be as opposed to who we really are.
sometimes  its hard to see the person we are dating through impartial eyes.  our emotions can serve as a mask so we dont truly see the other person's essense.
sometimes a date can feel like one is  walking through a haunted house . it can be so scary.

coffee and chemo

what does one say about someone one has never met ? what does one say about someone one has never met and whose blog one just started reading one week ago? what does one say about someones blog that one has started reading because one's friends posted about davening for on  their facebook statuses? what does one say about someone who has recently passed away whose blog one just started reading one week ago? i really don't know the answers to these questions. but i will  write anyway.
rivka, the author of the blog http://www.coffeeandchemo.blogspot.com/ has passed away. her funeral was motzei shabbos in israel. after viewing the four u tube videos posted on her blog i am in total awe. rivka speaks about her having end stage cancer and living with it. the positive spirit she displays is remarkable. it is honest and it is real. one watches her speak and realizes that any problem one has is the size of a granule of dust compared to what rivkah was living with. rivkah decided to be a person who happened to have late stage cancer instead of just being a late stage cancer patient. she possessed a calm and a warmth that even those who live charmed lives don't have. what an inspiration.
baruch dayan haemes. my heartfelt condolences to rivka's family and friends.